As promised...

Here it folks!  As promised the weird pink stuff I saw in the grocery store.

I would love to say that I triumphed over my phone, and my technological shortcomings, and was in fact able to post this without going through some ridiculous steps to get the above picture here.  Sadly, I cannot make that proclamation.

I tried so hard to get Blogger and my pathetic excuse for a phone to be friends.  All I got in return were error messages.  Bad phone!  Sit in the corner and hang your head in shame!

In order to get the above picture from my phone to this post, I had to post it to Facebook, then download it from there to my computer, the upload it back here.  Oh yes, my phone hates Blogger but is all BFF with Facebook. 

So all of this hoopla has been about the weird stuff in this picture.  What the heck is that supposed to be?

It is in the grocery store, on the shelves near the peanut butter and the Nutella.  It says it is strawberry & cream flavored.   Strawberry and cream flavored what?  Spread is a very vague word.  You could put toxic waste on toast and call it a "spread". 

Presumably the strawberry bit is the pink part, so then the white part should be the cream?  If it is cream why isn't it refrigerated, and why is it so thick? 

As I mentioned, I already posted the picture to Facebook.  Consensus there seems to be that:
A) it is unnatural
B) the white part is some sort of marshmallowy-fluff.

So why isn't it strawberry & marshmallow flavored then?  Where does the cream fit in to all of this?  Could it be cream flavored marshmallow?  That seems so wrong.

I'm going to have to go back and do a closer investigation of this product.   I'll just read the ingredients and see if there is anything in there that remotely says cream (or in fact any ingredients that I can pronounce and recognize that aren't chemicals).  And no -- I have no intention of purchasing it and eating it.

Well...as of right now I have no intention of purchasing and eating it.  You never know.  I could be in the store, get all caught up in the moment and decide that I must buy it and sample it in the name of science.  I'd be doing it for you, friends.

This was totally worth the wait and having to read all about my epic battles with my phone, right? 

This is the stuff that keeps me up at night -- wondering what the white goop in the bottle actually is supposed to be.  Seriously, stupid crap like this is why I can't turn my brain off and get to sleep at a reasonable hour.

In which I have a hobby...

I have a hobby.  I like to go to cemeteries and take pictures of the gravestones, statues, mausoleums, etc.  It fascinates me to see how things change over time.  Cemeteries are also very peaceful for walking.

Some people find my hobby a bit creepy and weird.  I'm okay with that.  Not everyone is going to appreciate my fascination with the different symbols, nor will they see the beauty in the carving or the elegant decay of the weathering.

I'm not a fan of people dying.  It's a part of life we will all experience at some point, but I understand that people don't necessarily enjoy being reminded of it.  I'm not out to disturb anything or make light of it.  Each grave and marker represents a life lived, someone's family member or friend, and they deserve respect.

I'm going to share a link to some of my photos from different cemeteries and grave sites now.  If this is going to disturb you in any way, then please don't feel the need to click on the links. 

The photos are all in albums I have on Facebook.  I do believe I have them all set properly to be viewed by the public.  I'm not going to be able to tell if they work for you or not, so please comment if I need to fix anything. I've also included links to the websites of the places where the photos were taken, in case anyone else wishes to go there.

Let's start with the most recent batch, shall we?  I took these this afternoon, on a rare Sunday when I did not have to work.  They are all from St. Peter's Cemetery in Poughkeepsie, New York.  You can learn a bit about the cemetery here.

St. Peter's Cemetery

The next album is from Halloween 2010.  There are a bunch of photos from Sleepy Hollow Cemetery in Sleepy Hollow, New York.  There also also some photos from the Haunted Huguenot Street tour in New Paltz, NY that included the cemetery.  (You will have to cut me some slack on the Huguenot St. batch.  Flash photography wasn't allowed, and the tour was a night.  The crappy job focusing you can totally blame on me.)

Sleepy Hollow & Huguenot St.

On Easter, my parents and I went for a walk at the home of Franklin Delano Roosevelt.  The gravestone for FDR and Eleanor is there.

FDR

Lastly, there are some taken a few years ago in the Poughkeepsie Rural Cemetery, which isn't really rural at all anymore, and is on one side of the main highway.  As a bonus, you also get to see some photos of my tour on Bannerman Island and a few from Olana.

Hudson Valley Photos

I'm trusting you not to be stalkers, friends.  If you feel the overwhelming urge to be snoopy and try to see other albums on FB, there are only a few that aren't set to block the general public.  If you would like to be my FB friend, please send a request and a message.  I don't randomly add people without having a good reason.

Occupy

I think that, by now, if you have spent any amount of time on the internet you have seen footage of people in the Occupy movement getting arrested.

Let's discuss this video I came across today on Facebook.

NYCLU

Have you watched?  Good!

So, according to the video we see a woman, apparently an observer from the NYCLU,  getting arrested for being on the curb.

WTF NYPD?  Seriously?  The lady was standing there.  She moved when, it would appear, she was told to move the first time.  She was standing far enough from the curb to be on the grate, the same grate the protesters were marching on.  You literally grabbed her and dragged her a  few steps into the street to arrest her!

By the way -- how is doing an arrest in the middle of the street safe?  Just curious.

Secondly: was it really a bright idea to arrest the observer from the NYCLU?  There is a very good chance that if she isn't a lawyer or law student, she probably knows some.  Hope you didn't do a single thing wrong with that arrest.  Just saying.

Third:  what is your obsession with her not standing on the curb?  She could what -- fall off into the street and disrupt the traffic that doesn't seem to be there?  The street appears to be closed and safe, since you hauled her into the middle of it to arrest her.

Also, if it is all about safety and maintaining the flow of traffic, why are you not arresting all of those people in the background who are happily jaywalking?  You seem to be a bit persnickety on which laws you are choosing to enforce.  I have a friend who got a ticket for jaywalking, and he was in a crosswalk -- he just crossed at the wrong time, after the driver waived him across the street.    I'm assuming it has to be about the non-existent traffic, because you can see people walking down the sidewalk earlier in the video without a problem.

So what exactly was the problem here?  She moved, you still didn't like where she was standing, so instead of letting her move to a distance of your liking you pull her into the street?  That's some calm, cool problem solving, all right.

It's wrong.  Beyond that, I am tired of seeing my tax dollars wasted on such ridiculous moves.  There are no real, actual crimes in NYC that require police attention? 

And that's where we're at

So, I think my phone hates me.  That whole mobile posting thing hasn't really worked yet.  I'm still trying, though!  At some point there will be a weird post popping up about something in the grocery store.  Believe!

In other news, I have a tumblr.  Well, technically I have had one since 2007.  I kind of forgot about it for months (or years) at a time, and what is in it is total crap -- mostly links to YouTube.   Anyway, I recently discovered it again.

Rather than bore you with the total crap one that I don't generally remember to update, I have spawned another one from it.  This one is just going to be for my photography.  I'm not proclaiming that it is anything awesome.  It is a hobby, and I use a Kodak EasyShare camera.  I'm just picking out some of my better shots and giving them a home there.

There isn't much in it yet, since I only created it like a day ago.  If you would like to take a look, you can find it here.

So stay on the look-out for that grocery post.  I'm kind of afraid I've built it up too much now, and it will be a total bummer when it appears (and it will appear).   Just remember it will be fleshed out more after I get a chance to work on it after the phone-related part is finally over.

This isn't much of a post.  Sorry.  It's late, and I have to work tomorrow, and my brain has pretty much shut off for the day. 

Will it work?

We are venturing into the realm of the shiny and new, friends!

Right now, as I write this, I am simultaneously attempting to post a new blog post from my mobile phone.  Aren't you excited I chose to include you in the moment?  I knew you would be.

I got it registered and set up without any problems.  Blogger has instructions that would be super hard to mess up, even for me.

My phone, on the other hand, is the technological weak link in this scenario.  It doesn't really like sending pictures, which is what I need it to do since that is what inspired the whole need to post from the phone.

I had 3 bars worth of charge left on my phone, which is pretty good.  I tried to send the picture, with only the bare minimum text, since I will be adding to it later.  My phone tells me "not enough energy for picture mail".  Excuse me?  You are almost fully charged!

So I plug it into the charger, which should solve the problem.  Or not.

See, my phone is a few years old.  It has been dropped a few times.  Also, my cat has a tendency to try to "answer" it if I leave it sitting on a table and it is set to vibrate.  She thinks it is some kind of special toy that moves on its own, and she will knock it onto the floor, many times resulting in the back popping off and the battery popping out.  This has caused me the special problem of watching the phone repeatedly turn itself on and off when I plug it in to charge.  (My cat, Jasmine,  also gets very confused when an episode of The Office comes on television because the theme song is my ringtone for incoming text messages.  She hears the song on tv and looks at me, as if to say, "Why aren't you getting the phone?  Don't just sit there!")

The phone has seen better days, is what I am trying to say.

The important part is this: if you see some sort of half-assed weird post show up having something to do with a grocery store -- that is a signal of success!  We will be winning!

It might take a while, though.  It once took almost 12 hours for a picture I sent to show up on Facebook.  Don't stay up waiting for it.  If it never shows up, we can try this again tomorrow!  Feel the excitement!

Is that an expiration date?

I noticed this morning that there is a date stamped on the bottom of my tube of Chapstick.  It's the Cherry Classic type, if you need to know.  I was confused.  Does it actually have an expiration date?  Is that the date they made this tube?  What does it mean?  Tell me, Google, tell me!!!


The answer is apparently yes, Chapstick does have an expiration date.  It's on their website.

That means mine expired last July.

I've been using it every day.  It never occurred to me that something like that would expire.  I only have a little bit of my tube left, and I plan on finishing it.

I mean, how bad can it be?  I've been using it this whole time without knowing it was expired, and it hasn't done anything awful like make my lips fall off or turn green or something.  It still tastes like cherry when I lick my lips, and my lips are still soft.  It is still doing the job as far as I'm concerned.

And it's not like it is something you eat that has definitely spoiled and will make you sick.  Sure, you might ingest the tiniest little bit when you eat or drink something while wearing it, but that doesn't make a difference.  It is not in the same ballpark as eating moldy bread.  If you eat that much Chapstick, like taking a chomp out of a tube, then you have bigger problems to worry about, in my opinion.

Besides, Chapstick is pretty much just wax, oil and sunscreen as far as I can tell, with a little fruit flavoring thrown in the mix.  I don't worry about my candles expiring. 

I don't think any of you particularly care about the state of my Chapstick.  It was just a revelation to me that it actually expired.  I thought I would share in case any of you  have tubes and need to check their dates as well.

 I cannot possibly be the only person that didn't know it expired, can I?

Fun with Fax Spam!

*This came through, amongst many other things, on the fax machine at work.  I found it amusing enough to save and share here.  I'll be including my thoughts at the end.  This is re-copied exactly as received including all caps and poor grammar.   I have removed the supplied contact information from the sender so that no one can be daft enough to answer this message.*


GREETINGS:

MAY I USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU MY NAME IS CHARLES TAYLOR (JNR) I AM THE SON OF FORMER PRESIDENT OF LIBERIA.  A COUNTRY IN WEST AFRICA, MY FATHER WHO IS CURRENTLY BEING HELD AGAINST HIS WILL BY THE UNTIED NATIONS FOR ALLEGED OFFENCES OF WAR CRIMES.  HE IS CURRENTLY FACING COURT TRIAL IN THE HAGUE IN NETHERLANDS.MY FATHERIS A GOOD MAN WHO TRIED TO DO SO MUCH FOR OUR PEOPLE LIBERIANS.  I AM CONTACTING YOU WITH THE BELIEVE  THAT WE WILL DEVELOP A CORDIAL BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WHICH WILL BE BENEFICIAL TO BOTH OF US.MY FATHER GAVE ME YOUR CONTACT WHEN I VISITED HIM ON THE 19TH OF NOVEMBER 2009.HE SAID THAT HE HAVE A LOT OF CONFIDENCE AND TRUST IN YOUR PERSONALITY.  MY FATHER KEEP THE SUM OF (ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY SEVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLAS) $177.MILLION USD. IN A BANKS SECURITY VAULT UNDER THE NAME OF HIS FRIEND A FOREIGNER FROM YOUR COUNTRY:  AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DEPOSIT TO AVOID ANY TRACE .THIS FRIEND OF MY FATHER DIED ON 25TH JULY 2009 IN A MOTOR ACCIDENT.
MY FATHER DIRECTED ME TO USE THIS MONEY FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSES SPECIFICALLY IN YOUR COUNTRY.
I PROMISE TO GIVE YOU 30% OF THE TOTAL FUNDS FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE AND 10% OF THE PROFIT AFTER TAX FOR FIVE YEARS.

I AM CURRENTLY IN A REFUGEE CAMP HERE IN TANZANIA AND I HAVE MADE CONTACT WITH THE BANK MANAGER OF THE BANK WHERE MY FATHER DEPOSITED THE FUNDS.I HAVE ALSO INSPECTED THE FUNDS AND CONFIRM THAT IT IS STILL WITH THEM.I WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE DETAILS ON HOW WE WILL CLAIM THESE FUNDS UPON RECEIPT OF YOU RESPONSE.

I HAVE THE WHOLE DOCUMENTS FOR THE DEPOSIT .I THEREFORE SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN TRANSFERING THIS FUNDS OUT OF TANZANIA.

BEST REGARDS.

CHARLES TAYLOR (JNR)

NOTE: PLEASE SEND ALL YOU'RE CONTACT INFORMATION THROUGH MY ABOVE FAX NUMBERS, AS SOON AS I RECEIVE YOUR CONTACT INFORMATIONS I WILL SEND ALL THE DETAILS ON HOW WE ARE GOING TO CONCLUDE THE TRANSACTION.



MY THOUGHTS:

--Are people really still falling for this type of thing?

--I must have a pretty crap memory because I don't remember ever meeting the President of Liberia, yet he says his father approves of my personality.

--I find the above somewhat troubling, as I don't think it is a good thing to have someone on trial at The Hague for War Crimes thinking I have a good personality...perhaps handy in that he might be slightly less likely to kill me, but otherwise not good.

--Was the fact that you want me to help a war criminal a selling point?

--I don't have any relatives that died in a motor accident, or on that specific date.  Think you've got the wrong long-lost relative.

--Refugee camps sure must be different in Tanzania! You have access to a fax machine and a telephone, apparently at all times! 

--If you are in a refugee camp in Tanzania, how did you contact the bank manager and inspect the funds?  Is the bank in the refugee camp?


Sorry, you won't be getting any of my "contact informations".  I already gave them to the solicitor from Nigeria -- he had better grammar and promised me more $$ via email.

Why is cooking so hard?

It's been a long day here, friends.  Cold, rainy, grey and generally yucky -- and then there was work on top of that.  By the time I got home I was not feeling the love of having to cook dinner.  I had to make something, so I decided on spaghetti and meatballs.  Pretty basic and should be easy.  Unless you screw it up, like I managed to do.

I'm not totally challenged in the kitchen.  I am an awesome baker, if I do say so myself.  I make cupcakes as a way to relax.  It's that whole making-an-actual-meal thing that has me flummoxed.   You have different parts that all have to be done at the same time or else some part is cold by the time the other part is done.  It's stressful!  Plus, I'm only cooking for myself.    If I screw it up no one else is going to know...unless I post it on here.  I end up eating in what I like to call "courses" quite often.  I don't mean on purpose, like at a fancy dinner.  This is more "Oops! I cooked the brussels sprouts too soon, and the chicken is no where near done" type of courses.  This kind of thing is at least salvageable because you can still eat all of it, just in a unique order.

Tonight's mistake was not able to be saved. 

I bet you think it was the meatballs I messed up, right?  You have to put seasoning and stuff in them, then roll them into balls of approximately the same size.  There's a lot of steps to potentially screw up there.  I can see why you thought it was the meatballs.    Plus, any moron can boil water and cook pasta, right?


Wrong!

 This moron managed to screw up the pasta part.  Oh yeah, I'm that talented.  The meatballs are delicious!  Of course I didn't screw that part up because it is baking.  I'm not kidding about being awesome at baking.

See, the meatballs have to bake for a while.  I put the water on to boil, like normal, because it will take a bit to heat up.  Water is boiling, so I drop the pasta in and give it a stir.  So the pasta is cooking, and that will take a few minutes, and the meatballs have to cook a while longer.  It's all going swimmingly.  Then I made my crucial error.  Since everything is going to take a few minutes, I decided to hop on ye old internet.

....And then I kind of forgot about the pasta I was cooking.

By the time I remembered to check on it, convinced it had only been a few minutes, I found a boiling pot of the mushiest, nastiest noodles I have ever encountered.  I have never seen pasta in this condition before.  I thought it was going to dissolve into glue.  The meatballs, on the other hand, were perfectly done.  So I had salad and meatballs for dinner. 

When I have a little cooking disaster like this (and it happens more often than I would like to admit), I like to cheer myself up by watching an episode of My Drunk Kitchen.  Hannah Hart cracks me up!  If you are not familiar with the wonderful My Drunk Kitchen and Hannah Hart (do you live under an internet rock?), allow me to introduce you. 

I should probably warn you here that there is some cursing in the video, some f-bombs will be dropped.  If this bothers you, I advise you don't watch it, okay?

I highly recommend that you watch all of her videos.   Episode 7: Tacos is one of my favorites.  Not that you have to watch it, but if you are bored then take it as a suggestion. 

Words With Friends

Do you play Words With Friends?  So addicting! 

I have a few problems with what words are and aren't allowed.  It rarely seems to work out in my favor.

One of my friends that I often play seems to know magical words that it will accept.  Gox?  That's apparently gaseous oxygen.  WWF totally let him play that.  Me?  I tried to play the word 'slut', and it wouldn't take it.  Come on, man!  Everyone knows what a slut is, and it isn't even that bad a word.  It's not like I was calling someone a name, or implying that your game was a slut in some way.  I would have gotten a lot of points for that.  Not fair.

Same friend, different game, played the word 'rexes'.  Everyone knows 'rex' means king in Latin.  Okay, maybe not everybody, but I would assume most people do.  You have to read Oedipus Rex in high school.  I thought this worked basically the same way as Scrabble, and foreign words weren't allowed?  Apparently having many kings in Latin is just fine and dandy.  I tried to play the word 'uno'.  Denied!  Latin is cool, but not Spanish? 

You know what word it will count?   It let me play the word 'shitty'.  Crazy, right?  I figured I would give it a shot and get denied once again, but it worked!    It can get you a lot of points if you play it in the right place.  Helpful hint from me to you.

I keep having one issue lately.  I tend to play a lot of WWF on Facebook.  If you play on Facebook, you know you are going to get a pop-up ad after each move before you can take your turn in the next game.   (I'm assuming that you have multiple games going at the same time.)  When you finish making all of your moves in all of the games you are playing, and after you get the pop-up ad you can close, it pops up another box to try to get you to start a game with another friend.  This screws me up all of the time.  I never remember it is going to happen, and if you aren't very careful to hit the close button, you will accidentally start a game with someone.  I've done this 3 times now.  I'm not even sure the people actually play the game.  I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to those people, since I immediately resign the game.  I hope Facebook isn't notifying you every time I make this boo-boo.  To all of my friends who have a name starting with the letter A, I apologize in advance.  This pop-up "start a new game" box seems to be listed alphabetically, so there is a very good chance I will accidentally start a game with you if I have not already done.  My bad.  I promise to pay more attention from now on.

Not Quite 27 Dresses

WARNING:  This post has a lot of pictures in it.  Sorry if that hurts your computer, or makes the page load very slowly.  Also, there are some bad words -- especially in the video at the end.  I have a bit of a potty mouth.  If that offends you, don't read or watch this.  If you have small impressionable children, keep them away from this.  Thanks, friends!

Everyone remember the scene from the movie 27 Dresses when she tries on all of the bridesmaid dresses?  It's one of my favorite parts of the movie.  Anyway, I decided to work on going through my closet and getting rid of stuff that I don't wear, or that I deem hideous. 

You can kind of convince yourself to keep things you really don't need or want.  Ladies, you know what I'm talking about -- that sweater you did not wear at all last winter, but it seemed like a perfectly good sweater, so you packed it away for the summer and then you got it out this winter and didn't wear it again, but you pack it away because it is still a totally good sweater.  The madness must stop!  I decided to bag up all of the things I no longer want and donate them all to the Good Will.

Sounds good, right?  As ruthless as I was trying to be, I ended up with this pile of things that I couldn't decide whether or not I should keep.  That's when it occurred to me that I should take a picture of myself wearing it, to see what it looks like to other people, and then decide whether I should chuck it or not.  I was inspired by the movie scene, when he tells her she looks like a shiny mermaid.  It worked really well, and was also kind of horrifying.

And then I remembered that I had a blog.  What is the internet for if not to embarrass yourself horribly in the hopes of entertaining other people?   **Disclaimer:  I know that I am not a super-model, or even a non-super-model.  Since this started out for my own amusement (and procrastination, if I'm being totally honest) I didn't bother putting on any make-up either.  So don't be an asshole, okay?**

 The shoulder pads make me look like a linebacker, and I kind of felt like I was playing dress-up.  Where did I even get this from, anyway?

This is so bad I am not even going to let you see the whole thing.  I look like I escaped from a Ren faire somewhere.  WTF was I thinking?

Crazy jacket with butterfly sleeves.  Kind of felt like a large bird of prey.

It's a jacket that was literally made out of a blanket, complete with suns, moons, and stars.  I'm like some kind of screwed-up Dumbledore. (Ignore the mess in the background, please -- I kind of destroyed my house in the process of cleaning the closet.)

No.  Just no.  I felt like the sweater was swallowing me.

In which I look like a magician on a cruise ship, or I should take lessons to be a geisha.

I look like an over-grown 5 year old. 

Leopard print is not my thing.  The droopy pony tails make it look extra sad.  And holy whiteness, Batman!  I match the freaking paint on the wall! 

Velvet jacket I never wear.  I kind of look like a thug.  Or that chick in the horror movie that crawls out of the television.

Yes, I know you aren't supposed to wear the sweater with the cowl flipped up.  The thing is ridiculously huge though -- it can be a hood.  Got to go.

Heavy wool sweater with short sleeves.  WTF is the point of that?  Also, you can totally tell this is one of the first pictures I attempted, cause it pretty much sucks.

So all of these things will now be going to the Good Will.  Hopefully someone will find them and love them and give them a good home.  Or use them as a Halloween costume.  Whatever.  

Bonus Time!

It took me for freaking ever to figure out how to get the timer on my camera to work.  I may have thrown out the instruction book at some point  I threw out the instruction book, probably when I was moving, which was stupid.  Anywho, while trying to get the timer to work I accidentally shot a video of myself.  Enjoy.  (There is sound, but you may have to turn the volume up.)

Rules of the Road

There are many things that bother me when driving.  I think a little common sense, patience and courtesy could go a long way in decreasing road rage and accidents.  We could all have a much more pleasant time driving to work. Here is an ever-growing list of things I dislike about driving.  I'm sure I am not alone on some of these.

Why does it seem like someone always has to pull out directly in front of me and cut me off, even if there is no traffic behind me?   Those extra few seconds were so important that you just had to get in front of me?

Must you drive so close to my back bumper that it looks like you are going to hit me?  Just pass me if I am not speeding enough for you!  Continually riding my bumper will only make me slow down to doing the exact speed limit.  I really don't want you to hit me, even if it would be your fault.

Motorcyclists -- you make me nervous.  Most of you are very good drivers and follow all of the rules.  I worry that somebody is going to hit you, since there are some terrible drivers around here.  That being said, could you please have a word with the idiots on the crotch rockets that seem to think they are invincible?  Weaving in and out of traffic stopped at a red light in an attempt to get to the front and cut everyone off?  Not bright.  It's also not a good idea to try to pop a wheelie in the middle of a 3 lane highway.  I've seen both just in the past week.

Bicyclists -- I don't like you when I am driving or as a pedestrian.  Many of you don't seem to think you have to follow the rules of the road when riding in traffic.  As a pedestrian it scares the crap out of me when you come riding up behind me super fast and then ring a bell to warn me you are there.  All it does is startle me, and it might make me flake out and step right into your path.

Pedestrians -- crosswalks are your friends.  Use them.  Don't just step off the curb willy-nilly in the middle of a block crowded with parked cars and assume that traffic knows you are going to attempt to run across the street.  We are not mind readers, and there is a good chance you will get squished.

Old People in Parking Lots-- you are the scariest drivers.  I've seen, heard, and felt more than a few of you hit the building I work in while attempting to parallel park.  Do everyone a favor and park in a regular spot (just not near my car, thanks).

The lawn service truck that almost took me out yesterday -- I'm not sure you know how to drive, or if you even really have a license.  A red light means stop.  It does not mean to continue on your way through a busy intersection and hope that the people with the green light can stop in time.

Aficionados of the horn -- There are times when it makes perfect sense to blow your horn.  The split-second the light turns green, especially when you are the 5th car back in line, is not one of them.  That is just annoying.

People who do not get out of the way when an ambulance is trying to get through -- you suck!  What if it was your family member or friend that was injured?  What if you were the one the ambulance was racing to save?  I bet you wouldn't like it if people slowed them down.  Pull over and let them through.  The short time you are delayed won't kill you, but it might kill somebody else.  (That goes for all emergency vehicles -- it just really bothers me that people can't make way for an ambulance.)

I didn't mean for this to sound like an angry rant, but it kind of turned out that way.  I'm not a perfect driver by any means.  I've gotten a speeding ticket.  I was in an accident -- a guy backed into me when pulling out of his driveway, then said he "thought he hit a tree."  Really?  A tree growing in the middle of the road? 

Just Ewww -- a Facebook Tale

You always hear about how you should be careful of who you friend on Facebook.  They could be creeps, or out to steal your information, looking to rob you when they know you are away, serial killers...you know, the normal list or weird-people-that-might-be-out-to-get-you.

I think I met one today.  He needed help because he didn't know how to use his Facebook.  Judging from what I saw on his Home page, he is either friends with only strippers or wannabe strippers. 

Gross, but that's not the truly creepy part.  (Well it's still creepy, if you saw this guy.)

He wanted to print out some of the more risque, clothing barely there, pictures of these ladies.  I do not want to know what he was going to do with them.  I've been trying not to think about it at all.  The flashy-thing from Men In Black would be perfect, really.

Props to Facebook for not giving the print option when you right-click on a friend's picture.  That's all it took to stop this guy.  I've never tried to print them out myself, although since you can save them it wouldn't be hard.  I just played stupid and said it must not be possible.

Oh-- he also wanted to know if there was a way to search for friends who were only women, ages 16-30.  I do not need to know this much about your taste in women, dude.  Walk it back.

Ladies: you really need to think twice before posting any kind of provocative pictures of yourself on FB. At the very least, wear clothes.  No underwear pictures. There are some serious creepers out there.  I don't know any of the women in the photos on his page, but trust me when I say he is not the Mr. Right you might be hoping to lure in.  He's very much on the Mr. Wrong side of things.


**On a different note**

I've gotten over 200 views on my blog, according to the stats!  No, my own views don't count or that number would be so much higher. ( I'm a little paranoid about typos.)

Thank you for reading my blog.  There are either a lot more of you than I thought, or just a few of you who are very, very dedicated.

Also, you all really seem to like dumpsters.  That post has way more views than any of the others.

I knew it!

Remember the post about the dumpster drama?  Although it was amusing to recount all of the craziness surrounding the dumpster, I also mentioned that Forbes had listed this area as the 6th best place to raise a family.

I also said I thought they got it wrong.  I may have called them delusional.

Today a friend sent me a link that corroborates my feeling.

Behold!  The list of the Top 100 Most Dangerous Cities in the U.S.  (Population over 25,000).  We are number 50!  Go us!  Newburgh, which isn't too far away, is number 12.  That doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

I'll say it again: I would love to know where the folks at Forbes got their crime stats from.  My neighborhood alone gives evidence to the contrary.  It's in the post right before this -- I'm not linking you to it.  You are totally capable of clicking on it in the sidebar on your own.  I believe in you.

Sometimes a little validation feels so nice. 

Crime Spree

Every year when the weather warms up, I notice a massive increase in the number of sirens going off.  Police, fire, ambulance -- with my house being centrally located near some major roadways, I get to hear them all.

Is it simple mathematics?  Warm weather means more people are out, driving about like lunatics and getting into accidents?  I know the warm weather makes people bust out their barbeque grills, so maybe they didn't store them properly for the winter and it catches fire?  Maybe the warm weather has inspired all of the college students to have parties which are then busted for noise and/or underage drinking? I know the amount of sirens definitely increases on the weekends when the college students come back in the fall.

Could it be that there are more sinister machinations at work?  What if the criminals are getting smarter, plotting out their robberies and burglaries over the winter and just waiting to hatch their dastardly plans in the spring!

I don't really pay attention to all of the sirens going off any more -- not unless it is a really unusual number, or they sound like they are stopping on my street again.

Oh yes, I did say again.  When I bought my house I thought I was moving into a quiet, sleepy little neighborhood.  It is smack in the middle of everything, but people tend to forget we are here, since we are tucked away up a hill.  Since moving in, the house at the end of the street got busted for being a crack house, one of my neighbors got arrested for allegedly dealing drugs and running guns (according to neighborhood gossip -- I was at work and found out months later), and I found out that I share a property line with a pedophile.  The rest of my neighbors seem really awesome and nice though! 

So it isn't that I wish ill on anyone else.  I don't want anyone else to have their home catch fire, or to be in a car accident, etc.  I'm just really, really glad when it turns out to be something other than a problem on my street.

Weather theory

I Think the Cold Weather Makes People Fat

Now, before anyone goes jumping down my throat about my idea being total crap, understand that I am not saying it is the only thing that makes people fat.  I think it is a contributing factor.  It's a theory people.  Get a grip.

I have done no research, and I have drawn this conclusion based solely on my own decision-making process when it came time to make dinner this evening.  Prepare to be dazzled by my epiphany!

It got really warm here today for New York State in mid-April.  We are talking  a record-breaking warm.  Like 90 degrees.  I don't have an air conditioner ready yet -- we just had frost and freeze warnings a few nights ago.  I haven't even packed away my sweaters yet to make room for the warm-weather clothes!

My house was a balmy 80 degrees inside when I got home from work this evening.  I opened every window and door in the place to let the fresh air and breeze move through.  Too bad I had to work and miss the beautiful weather, but I digress. When it came time to make dinner, I decided on salad.  There was no way I was turning on the stove and making this place any hotter. 

That, dear friends, is the moment I had my epiphany.

It's hot -- it's hot outside, you're hot, your house is hot.  All you want is cool things, refreshing things.  I can't speak for anyone else, but when it gets hot my appetite goes way down.  I crave salads and fruits.  I drink a lot more water, iced coffee, and other beverages. Maybe I am a freak -- that's always a possibility.  I want to go out and enjoy the nice weather, not sit in a stuffy hot house!

The winter is a completely different story.  It's freezing.  The weather is generally crappy.  Quite often you get to start the day by bundling up, going outside, and shoveling snow.  You do all of this so you can have the pleasure of going to work.

You get ready again and bundle up to go to work.  Depending on the weather, this could take much longer than anticipated if the roads are crappy.  Hopefully when you get to work the heat is working, but that isn't always guaranteed.  You make it through your work day, and bundle up again to go home.  If the weather is bad, you will get to freeze in the parking lot while cleaning off your car.  Fun times.

You make the drive home, which again depends on the road conditions, and finally arrive back at your nice snug home.  Depending on what the weather was like that day, you might get to go out and shovel again to clean off the accumulation and try to keep your sidewalk and driveway from becoming an icy death-trap.

You're finally done and able to just relax.  Ahhh.  Now you have to cook dinner.

Are you likely to pick a nice, cool, refreshing salad?  Not if you are anything like me.  You want something warm, maybe something comforting if you had a crap day at work on top of everything else.  You probably worked up an appetite as well, with all of the snow removal.  You are most definitely going to cook a meal that has a lot more calories than a freaking salad.

Dinner is over and you can relax.  More than likely you are not going the hell back outside again.  Whatever happens now can just be dealt with in the morning.  Much better to curl up with a nice cup of tea. You are exhausted after getting through the day, you made yourself a nice warm meal, and you are going to sit on your butt until you go to bed so you can get up and do it all over again in  the morning.

That, my friends, is my theory on how cold weather makes people fat.

Oh, taxes

I filed my federal tax return a while ago.  I just did my state taxes tonight.  Nothing like waiting until the last minute!  Except it turns out that it totally isn't quite the last minute, because taxes aren't due until the 17th because of some holiday in Washington DC.  Thanks, guys!

However, it does give me an excuse to share a clip from one of my favorite movies, Stranger Than Fiction.

It's a good thing I bought a house a couple years ago, or I would have been totally screwed.  I can honestly say it is about the only time I have been happy that I have a mortgage to pay.

 Good luck to my fellow tax-payers.  Hope you get a refund!

It's National Dictionary Day, Hurray!

After discovering that it was National Grilled Cheese Day earlier this week, I was curious.  Are there other holidays like this that I have been missing out on?  Yes there are -- a ton of them.

I have chosen to embrace National Dictionary Day, which is today.  I know it is true because I read it on the internet, and the source said they were the first to provide the list and it was validated.

According to the same website, today in also:
Baby Massage Day
Children with Alopecia Day
International Moment of Laughter Day
Pan American Day

I swear I did not make any of those up.

National Dictionary Day is a fantastic opportunity to increase your vocabulary!  Maybe you can't read so well and could stand to learn a few new words.  Maybe you have a proclivity to drop the f-bomb into every sentence and people think it is the only thing you know how to say.  Maybe, like me, you are an enormous geek and really love dictionaries.

Let me take you back in time to my college years.  The internet wasn't really around -- there was no Google, no Facebook.  I took a programming class, and it was in C Basic.   I had a Brother word processor for typing my papers.   We could surf the web, as it was, using Netscape Navigator.  There might have been more cutting-edge technology out there, but I went to a SUNY school, so we didn't have it.  And before you go thinking I must be older than dirt, I am in my 30s. So shut up with the grandma jokes.

One of the things that I brought to college was a dictionary.  It was awesome!  It was  from the 1940s.  As I was an English major and a huge geek (no change there), I liked to flip through it to find new and unusual words.  My roommate was also an English major, and she too loved my super-awesome dictionary.  We decide to make a Word of the Day game.  Each day we would flip through the dictionary to find a whacky word that we didn't know, or one that wasn't commonly heard in conversation, and proclaim it the Word of the Day.  The only qualification beyond that was that it had to be a word that could easily be used in conversation.  We would write the word and its definition on a piece of paper, and tape it to the wall in the bathroom stall so that all of our suite-mates could also get their learn on while going potty.  You're welcome, suite-mates!

We  went through a lot of words in the 3 years we roomed together.  There are two that I clearly remember, as the entire suite adopted them and loved them as much as we did.

Squiffy:  slightly drunk

Quaff:  to drink a beverage, especially an intoxicating one, copiously and with hearty enjoyment.

As you can imagine, we used the two together in sentences quite often.  An example would be, "I can't wait until Friday night!  I plan to quaff some beer until I feel squiffy!" 

Good times.

In case that is not enough proof of my love and devotion to dictionaries, allow me to tell you about my hamster.  When I was older and living off campus, I had a pet hamster.  He was the best. hamster. ever!  I had gone to the pet store in town, and I picked out a Teddy Bear hamster -- the fattest one I could find.  I believe my exact quote was, "I want him!  The fat little hamster sitting in his food bowl and smiling like a happy Buddah statue!"  I named him Webster, after Noah Webster.  He would roll around in his little rolly-ball, and you could pet him and hold him as much as you wanted.  I would take him outside, carefully supervised, so he could eat clovers and he would literally vibrate with happiness.  Sadly, he only lived about 2 years.  RIP my little buddy.

So you see, I really do love dictionaries and words.  

Just to make this a more educational post, let me share a couple websites with you.

http://dictionary.reference.com/   -- use it, love it.  When you try to use a big word to sound fancy and you don't really know what it means because you never bothered to look it up and then you use it incorrectly, it drives people (like myself) crazy.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/  -- in case you need a little help to be hep to the jive the kids are using these days.

Dumpster Drama

I should start by mentioning that this area just got named one of the best places for raising a family by the delusional folks at Forbes .  I would love to know where they got their stats from, as that place does not really match up with the experience of living here.  The alternative being that the rest of the country is way more screwed up than I ever gave it credit for being.

Now, on to the dumpster drama, which speaks to the economy here in a totally different light than Forbes.

A huge dumpster was dropped off in the parking lot outside of my workplace the other day.  An office upstairs was going to be cleaning out and remodeling over the weekend.  Apparently "over the weekend" meant starting today, because why would we want Friday the 13th to go by without anything weird happening?

I don't know if I missed a memo or what, but judging by the actions of our patrons there must have been some sort of organized treasure hunt announced, and it was taking place in that dumpster.   People could not seem to help themselves -- the allure of the dumpster was that strong.

I work the late shift on Friday, but apparently earlier in the morning a patron had pulled out a chair and a lamp and had set himself up a living room.  Nothing like making your home in the parking lot.

When I arrived at noon there were several people circling it like vultures.  One woman, who will be known as Flower Pants from this point on, was hanging over the edge of the dumpster looking for prizes.  She had a van stuffed full of crap pulled up next to the dumpster, and had already hauled out at totally 1970s office desk and chair, as well as a mini-fridge.  Apparently putting it near her van staked her claim on it.

Another patron, whom I had consider to be totally sane and normal until this point , had found a roll of purple wrapping paper and was using it as some sort of magic wand to stir the dumpster contents around.

We had patrons come in to work and tell us that the People of the Dumpster were fighting with each other over the contents.  Another patron reported that a man had cut his hand open on the dumpster.  I can't be positive that it was the same guy, but I did have a man come in asking if we had a first aid kit because he needed some bandages.

When I left on my break, about 4 hours later, Flower Pants was still there.  At that point she was joined by a white chick and her scary looking boyfriend.  I overhead part of their conversation, and the white chick seemed to think she was supposed to pay someone for the stuff they were taking.

I came back from break, and Flower Pants was still there.  I don't know what she thought she was going to find that she hadn't found in the previous 4 hours of searching, but whatever.

A coworker left to go buy his dinner, and returned to tell me that one of our younger patrons had joined in the  dumpster diving fiesta.  He eventually got the boy to get out of the dumpster by threatening to call his parents.

Later in the evening we heard a lot of loud, banging sounds that sounded like they were coming from the storage area behind our workroom.  I really thought we were going to have a dumpster riot on our hands.  The noise was so loud that I was sure they had broken into the storage room and had progressed to looting.  There are 2 storage areas off of our work room, and the doors are rarely opened or used.  We slowly made our way through to see what was happening, only to discover that a mean looking guy with a neck tattoo had somehow managed to open the end of the dumpster closest to the building.



Flower Pants and a couple of kids were still there when we closed for the night.  She had been there at least 8 hours.  She told us the "Italian guy" who had opened the dumpster had said he would be back.  I have no idea who she is talking about.   There was a piece of furniture -- either an over-sized chair or a loveseat -- that appeared to be levitating in the dumpster.  It was too big to be sitting on the edge, but it was definitely up in the air somehow.  Stuff was spilling out of the dumpster all over the ground.  I'm sure it will look lovely by the morning.

I never went to get a close look of what was in the dumpster.  Either the office that was remodeling had the most bizarre assortment of furnishings, or other people had been sneaking stuff into the dumpster as well.  In the brief amount of time I spent outside today, I saw people remove from that dumpster:

--a chair
--a 1970s desk
--a lamp
--some sort of peacock, sparkly wall art
--wrapping paper
--a mini-fridge
--a piece of dirty beige carpeting
--cardboard boxes
--another chair

*UPDATE*: The little boy found stuffed animals and a huge stack of party hats.

Unless dumpster diving has become some sort of new sport and I have missed its announcement, I'm going to take the massive amount of activity surrounding the dumpster as a sign that people are not doing well here.  The economy cannot be that great when swarms of people are shopping in dumpsters.

So I take issue with the people at Forbes magazine.  Life can't be too peachy when kids are helping their mom pull things out of dumpsters. 

Perfume & Stuff

I love perfume.  I always wear it to work.  I think it smells pretty, and I consider it to be a favor to others around me.

No, my coworkers do not smell -- not the intended message!  I should clarify here and state that I work in a public library, and some of our patrons are....how can I say this nicely?.... "hygenically challenged".   I don't know about you, but I would much rather smell perfume than unwashed bodies.  Oh yes, for those of you whom have never had the experience,  body odor is the gift that keeps on giving and lingers long after the person has left the building.

Occasionally I will get asked by one of the female patrons what fragrance I am wearing and where I bought it.  I am more than happy to tell them.  I have asked a few patrons what they were wearing as well because they just smelled lovely while I was checking out their books.

On to today's encounter.  Today, it was an older gentleman who commented on my perfume.  I don't mean a nice grandfatherly type asking, like I just solved his gift-giving problem for his daughter's birthday or something.  No.  I'm pretty sure he wasn't homeless, that's about the best I can say.

I'm checking the patron's dvds out, and he says, "You smell real nice.  What's that scent?"

Perfectly normal, right?

So I smile and say thank you, and then he totally doesn't let me answer the question.  He says, "I know that scent.  My ex-girlfriend used to wear the same thing."  Then he paused.

I kept smiling, cause it's my job, and tried to figure out what to say.  Does he still want to know what the perfume is called?  Should I be consoling him about getting dumped?  Where is this conversation going?

Didn't matter, because he didn't stay paused long enough for me to say anything. He looked at me and gave me this sly smile.  Then he says, "I like it.  Brings back goood memories."  Then he winked and left.

Ewww!

Can you take a shower in hand sanitizer?  I was seriously considering it.  We do have an enormous container of it in the back room. 

Why, why in the name of all that is holy is it never a normal guy that hits on me at work?  By normal I mean sane, living some place other than his car, has more than a passing familiarity with hygiene, and at least appears to have a job.  Is that really too much to ask for?

Since I started working at the library I have had the following:

--The drunk stalker who wrote bad love poems on the internet, was in and out of rehab, and tried to sell his belongings to my coworkers.

--The seemingly homeless man who, in all seriousness, wanted to know if I was the Black Angel of Death.  (It's a long story for another time.)

--The guy who had just finished telling me he was unemployed for 8 months, but wanted to know if I would go out with him because "You're pretty for a white girl".  Thanks, buddy.  I think you can finish that resume on your own now.

--The creepy guy who would come in and stare for hours while pretending to read the newspaper.

--The kid who asked me to go to the prom so I could buy beer for him.

There are more, but you get the general idea.

I'm like flypaper for freaks, I swear.

Why Me?

What were you doing at one o'clock this morning?  Most people were probably blissfully asleep, getting all nice and rested for work or school.  Maybe some of you were battling insomnia.  The rest of you -- spare me the graphic details of your exploits, please.

Me?  I was performing surgery on my toilet.  Yeah, you read that correctly.

 I bought an older home a couple of years ago.  My older home also came with an older toilet.  I don't really care as long as it does the job.

Last night (early this morning, whatever) the stupid thing stopped working.  I pushed down on the handle, and nothing happened.

As I am not a plumber or even a handy-man/mechanically-inclined person, this was a problem. I knew the problem had to be in the top, the reserve tank area, as it was the handle that seemed to have broken. 

Awesome artwork by me!

As you can see in the picture I made especially for you, the handle attaches to a rusty metal bar.  Now, there should have been a metal chain, relatively rust-free, that attached to the end of the rusty metal bar.  Instead, the chain was laying in a blob on the bottom of the reserve tank next to the plug-thingie  that opens to do the flushing and closes to fill the reserve tank.    Ignore the other stuff -- there is a thingamajig there, but I don't know what it is and it wasn't actively involved in my problem.

Please don't be overwhelmed by my use of technical terms.

Now the rusty metal bar is really rusty.  I can't stress this enough.  I'm surprised there weren't barnacles growing on it or something. The metal chain has an clasp at the end, as this is supposed to hook into a hole in the rusty metal bar.  Well, this isn't so hard!  I can handle this level of repair, no problem.

Step #1

There are 3 holes in the rusty metal bar.  What the hell?  1 am is not a good time to start springing decision-making things on a person, toilet.  

Start with the first one, all the way on the end, I guess?  First place is always best in contests, so first hole on the rusty metal bar should be the best flushing.

Step #2

The chain doesn't reach hole #1 on the rusty metal bar.  Fabulous.  So I unhook  the clasp, figure out the right place where it should be on the metal chain, and then hook it to the rusty metal bar.  Or not.

Step #3

Hole #1 is so rusty that it has rusted right on through.  The clasp did hang there for a moment, but then the slight disturbance in the water I made by removing my hand caused it to fall back to the bottom.  Freaking brilliant.

Step #4

You know what?  Hole #2 was secretly my favorite all along.  It seems much nicer and more cooperative.  So I repeat all of that stuff above, measuring the chain and moving the clasp to the right place.  Everything is going swimmingly.

I try to flush, and the stupid chain falls out again!  WTF?!  Did it just rust through before my eyes?  I'm beginning to think the mouthwash is somehow to blame for all of this.

Step Whatever -- it's almost 2am and I am tired

Hole #3, it is all you, buddy. If you don't work then I give up.  No pressure.

*pleasdon'tbeall rustypleasedon'tbeallrusty*

The chain is going to be on a really weird angle at this point.  I don't care. We're pretty much at the f#*k-it-all stage, folks.

I hook the clasp and the chain.  It stays!!!  OMG this is so awesome!

Step Solution!

I give it a flush...and it kind-of works.  I mean it works, but not really the way it is supposed to, if that makes sense.  You have to push the handle down and hold it there for a few seconds, until the water drains out a bit, then you are all good to let go and it will finish.  Victory!

I'm awesome at repairs!  

....and I might also be the proud owner of a special toilet now. 

Titanic

Everyone and everything seems to be about the Titanic lately, since it is the 100th anniversary of the sinking.  I will admit that I am not immune.  The past few nights you could find me in front of the television watching the James Cameron and Bob Ballard shows on  the National Geographic Channel, and tonight's programming on PBS.

The loss of life was absolutely terrible.  The check to mankind's hubris left an indelible mark on the world.

I think the reason that it resonates so deeply with people, after all of this time, is that society really hasn't changed all that much.  It might not be as rigidly defined and stratified as it was back then, but there is still an incredible gap between the rich and poor.  If I had been on Titanic I would have been in steerage, and I would have been screwed.  Most people would have been.

I think it was James Cameron in his program who said that the Titanic heading toward the iceberg is like our world dealing with climate change.  To paraphrase what he said from memory: we know the problem is coming, but we are still heading straight toward it without changing course.  The rich will have no problem getting potable water, arid land, food.  It will be the rest of us, the poor being hit particularly hard, who will suffer the most. I think that is a very good comparison.

We might not like it, and we might not dwell on it every day, but we all know it is the way the world works.  That's why Titanic still resonates so much, I think.  We can all place ourselves in that ship and know what our fate would most likely have been.

Cable Wars -- Someone Please Explain This to Me

You know the annoying commercials where cable/internet providers are bashing the competition and trying to get you to change service providers?  Forget Dish Network and all of the satellite guys, I mean Verizon Fios and the regular cable companies.  These commercials are on All. Of. The. Time!  I don't think it is relegated to just this area of the country.

Let me lay down the background.  Still not counting the satellite companies, our area is covered by 3 major cable/internet companies: Time-Warner, Cablevision, and Verizon Fios. All well and good.  Verizon is available all over town -- they wired the place up when they came in.  Time-Warner is the only traditional cable provider that covers my half of town, and Cablevision has the southern half.

Everyone with me so far?

As I mentioned, I have Time-Warner.  On certain channels it seems like they are constantly showing commercials with Verizon Fios bashing Cablevision  for having slow loading speeds.  All well and good, Fios is looking to impress and get new customers.  I get it.

A few days later, here come the ads from Cablevision smacking back at Fios and basically calling them "liar, liar, pants on fire!" and citing their statistics that Fios is really slower than they are if you aren't paying for the super-duper special service.  (I didn't say I paid close attention.)  Neither one of them makes any mention of Time-Warner in their commercials.

I understand Time-Warner's motivation for airing them.  They get $$ for all of these ads.  Yes, they could potentially lose some customers to Fios if they were really offering a great deal, but not a big worry.  They are making money, and their company is not being trashed in the ads.  Win-win for TW.

I get Verizon Fios's reason for showing the ads.  They were the late-comer to the party in this area, and everyone with cable was already locked in with Time-Warner or Cablevision.  They want to get customers any way they can.  Cablevision covers a bigger part of the area, so they are concentrating their vitriol there.  (This is just a guess, but Time-Warner also owns a sh*#load of things, so maybe they have bigger and scarier advertising dollars and/or lawyers?)

What I do not understand is Cablevision's shenanigans in all of this.  Do they just have sooo much money they can afford to spend it stupidly?  Why in the world are you wasting money trying to fend off Fios's attack ads by airing commercials on Time-Warner?  I cannot chose you as my service provider even if I wanted!  You do not cover this area.  You are not an option.  What is the point of advertising to me?

Sorry for the rant.  I'm a little tired of seeing these commercials, in case you couldn't tell.

Bunnies

They sneak into your home.  They creep about and leave gifts.  They are silent, they are sneaky.  They are

DUST BUNNIES!!

(photo by: @istockphoto.com/TheCrimsonMonkey)

What, you thought it was going to be about the Easter Bunny just because today is Easter?

These little bunnies also bring gifts, but not in the form of delicious treats - nothing so pleasant as that!  These little critters bring the gifts of dust, and allergies, and woe.

For centuries mankind has battled this pernicious foe.  Like the cockroach, they breed in the hidden parts of your home only to spring out when you least expect them.  Alas, they too seem to be indestructible.

Oh, you may think you have won -- that through diligent dusting and mopping, sweeping and vacuuming you have successfully obliterated your opponent.  The opponents are tricky little things.  The moment you let our guard down, they will strike!

You know how it happens.  You finally come home after a long day, ready to relax and unwind in your nice, clean home.  You shut the door, and the motion creates a gentle breeze in the room.  You turn around, and then you see it: a dust bunny slowly moving across the floor, like a dirty tumbleweed emerging from some secret nook.

I have been engaged in an epic battle with these creatures since I bought my home almost two years ago. Today I believe I found the breeding ground of these hell-spawned devils.  I think they are coming from the forced hot air vents of my heating system.  The battle will now be on YOUR home turf, dust bunnies!

I have washed the vents.

I have vacuumed the vents.

And then I might have gone a teensy bit overboard.

I rubbed a Bounce dryer sheet on all of the vents.

Okay, so it sounds ridiculous even to me, but hear me out.  My theory is that dust bunnies must be closely related to the lint in the dryer.  They hide out in vents, and they are all fluffy and ephemeral, and they seem to grow out of nothing.  I'm hoping the Bounce will scare the dust bunnies into a retreat, or at least slow their roll.  It's in the experimental phase.  I don't know if it will help, but it can't hurt, and the house smells nice when the heat kicks on.  I'll let you know how it turns out.

So Happy Easter to all whom are celebrating!  I'm going to enjoy my victory in this skirmish with the dust bunny army by relaxing and eating some jelly beans that the much more awesome Easter Bunny brought me.

Either Way, It Can't Be Good..

Not to over-share, but I just brushed my teeth, rinsed with mouthwash, and now the drain in my sink is freaking sizzling!

This is disturbing.  It's making me worry for a couple reasons.

1) Holy crap, the stuff I just had in my mouth is strong enough to make my sink sizzle!  That can't be healthy. 

2) The mouthwash might be eroding my sink.  OMG !  What if the plumbing is so old that the mouthwash is literally eating it away as I write this?  What if I leave thinking everything is fine and come home to the fire department trying to contain some sort of freak mouthwash-erosion fire?  Or maybe it will leave a huge hole in the floor where the sink used to be. 

Should I run the water?  Maybe that will make it thin out and stop the sizzle-fest in the drain.  What if it just makes it worse - like eating hot peppers and drinking water?  Water just spreads the burn around.  (Milk will stop the burn from peppers, just saying.)

I'm going to run the water.  Maybe I turned the water off too soon and that is why I have never heard this before.  Oh man, I wonder how long the mouthwash has been trying to destroy my plumbing.

I don't need this kind of stress just brushing my teeth.  Well, fingers crossed and hope for the best.  If you never hear from me again, know that I probably sank into a mouthwash-created sinkhole in my own bathroom.

First!

I suppose since this is my first post I should tell you all about myself, but I'm not going to do that. Let's take our time and get to know each other slowly, okay?

 I don't know what this blog will be about or how long it will last. I like to think I am truly interesting and funny, worth you spending your precious time on the internet to read. I think we all like to think we are fascinating to other people. We can find out together how this grand experiment works out!

 So what is the purpose of this thing? I really wish I knew. There is no particular topic I'll be covering. I promise I will try to update each day. Does that sound good? I mean, the address I chose is blatheringnothing, so that should kind of give you a clue.

This all seemed like a much easier idea when I wasn't staring at a blank page.

 If you have somehow found your way here, welcome! I have no idea how you did it, but I hope you enjoy your visit.