Saturday, April 21, 2012

Not Quite 27 Dresses

WARNING:  This post has a lot of pictures in it.  Sorry if that hurts your computer, or makes the page load very slowly.  Also, there are some bad words -- especially in the video at the end.  I have a bit of a potty mouth.  If that offends you, don't read or watch this.  If you have small impressionable children, keep them away from this.  Thanks, friends!

Everyone remember the scene from the movie 27 Dresses when she tries on all of the bridesmaid dresses?  It's one of my favorite parts of the movie.  Anyway, I decided to work on going through my closet and getting rid of stuff that I don't wear, or that I deem hideous. 

You can kind of convince yourself to keep things you really don't need or want.  Ladies, you know what I'm talking about -- that sweater you did not wear at all last winter, but it seemed like a perfectly good sweater, so you packed it away for the summer and then you got it out this winter and didn't wear it again, but you pack it away because it is still a totally good sweater.  The madness must stop!  I decided to bag up all of the things I no longer want and donate them all to the Good Will.

Sounds good, right?  As ruthless as I was trying to be, I ended up with this pile of things that I couldn't decide whether or not I should keep.  That's when it occurred to me that I should take a picture of myself wearing it, to see what it looks like to other people, and then decide whether I should chuck it or not.  I was inspired by the movie scene, when he tells her she looks like a shiny mermaid.  It worked really well, and was also kind of horrifying.

And then I remembered that I had a blog.  What is the internet for if not to embarrass yourself horribly in the hopes of entertaining other people?   **Disclaimer:  I know that I am not a super-model, or even a non-super-model.  Since this started out for my own amusement (and procrastination, if I'm being totally honest) I didn't bother putting on any make-up either.  So don't be an asshole, okay?**

 The shoulder pads make me look like a linebacker, and I kind of felt like I was playing dress-up.  Where did I even get this from, anyway?

This is so bad I am not even going to let you see the whole thing.  I look like I escaped from a Ren faire somewhere.  WTF was I thinking?

Crazy jacket with butterfly sleeves.  Kind of felt like a large bird of prey.

It's a jacket that was literally made out of a blanket, complete with suns, moons, and stars.  I'm like some kind of screwed-up Dumbledore. (Ignore the mess in the background, please -- I kind of destroyed my house in the process of cleaning the closet.)

No.  Just no.  I felt like the sweater was swallowing me.

In which I look like a magician on a cruise ship, or I should take lessons to be a geisha.

I look like an over-grown 5 year old. 

Leopard print is not my thing.  The droopy pony tails make it look extra sad.  And holy whiteness, Batman!  I match the freaking paint on the wall! 

Velvet jacket I never wear.  I kind of look like a thug.  Or that chick in the horror movie that crawls out of the television.

Yes, I know you aren't supposed to wear the sweater with the cowl flipped up.  The thing is ridiculously huge though -- it can be a hood.  Got to go.

Heavy wool sweater with short sleeves.  WTF is the point of that?  Also, you can totally tell this is one of the first pictures I attempted, cause it pretty much sucks.

So all of these things will now be going to the Good Will.  Hopefully someone will find them and love them and give them a good home.  Or use them as a Halloween costume.  Whatever.  

Bonus Time!

It took me for freaking ever to figure out how to get the timer on my camera to work.  I may have thrown out the instruction book at some point  I threw out the instruction book, probably when I was moving, which was stupid.  Anywho, while trying to get the timer to work I accidentally shot a video of myself.  Enjoy.  (There is sound, but you may have to turn the volume up.)

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