Summer and Books

Hey, Friends.

Remember way back at the beginning of the summer when I talked about doing a summer reading program for adults?  No, probably not.  Just trying to keep up with the news is enough to boggle the brain at times.  If you want a refresher, you can read all about it here.

Sadly, the summer is almost over now.  School will be starting again here in a couple more weeks. Last night we had our party to celebrate the end of the summer reading program for adults and give out the prizes.

I chose some fabulous pink flamingo decor.

Rather than bore you all to tears with way too many details about it all, I'll just say it rocked.  Everyone made ice cream sundaes and chatted about books, and some lucky people won some pretty sweet prizes!

Being me, I had to complete the challenge even if I couldn't win any of the prizes.  I mean, it would be pretty sad if the staff running the program didn't do what we were asking all of the patrons to do, right?  Lead by example and all that jazz.

I will confess to using my own "quick and dirty" method to hit all of the categories in the challenge. Totally fair since I did announce to everyone at the launch party that it was possible.  I don't know that anyone else chose to go that route.  Doesn't really matter since my only prizes were the enjoyment of reading and getting to have ice cream for dinner.  (Hey -- you work until 9 pm and you can eat ice cream for dinner as well.  No judging.)

At the launch party everyone had been given a little notebook to keep track of the books they read, what categories that filled, and any notes they wished to make about whether they liked the book or not, any random thoughts the books brought to mind, etc.  

I chose to write down a snippet from each book that I really enjoyed.  There isn't any specific criteria for it when I choose them.  Some might have struck an emotional cord with me, or were amusing. Maybe I just liked the language and that particular phrase stood out.  There wasn't a set theme is the point I'm trying to make.  I've saved snippets from books for years -- I have notebooks filled with them.  If you've been hanging around long enough you might recall that I have shared some of them with you before:  Snippets.

So, I'm going to provide a link to Amazon for each of the books mentioned.  I feel the need to clarify the following, Friends:

I am not partnered/affiliated with Amazon or in any way making money from this.  I get absolutely nothing out of it if you should choose to buy a book.  I'm simply providing a link to the book for those who are unfamiliar with the title and want to read more about it.  If you are really interested in reading a title, I encourage you to go to your local library and check it out for free, or buy it from a local book store.  Hell, buy it at a garage sale for all I care.  The link is just for your information, not to sell you anything.

Are we all clear on that, kids?  Excellent.  Now on to the book snippets.

A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan

"The pause makes you think the song will end.  And then the song isn't really over, so you're relieved.  But then the song does actually end, because every song ends, obviously, and THAT. TIME. THE. END. IS. FOR.REAL."

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

Listen to the Mustn'ts

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child,

Listen to the DON'TS

Listen to the SHOULDN'TS

the IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS

Listen to the NEVER HAVES

Then listen close to me --

Anything can happen, child,

ANYTHING can be.

One More Thing by B.J. Novak

"He said he didn't know: on one level, his heart believed that he should help as many people as possible, which was exactly what he was doing now.  But another part of his heart really wanted to see where this music thing might go if he put everything he had into it.  Couldn't your heart tell you more than one thing?  If you were truly confused about something, which he was right now, wouldn't that mean your heart was, too?"

The Confessions of Congressman X

"Perception is reality, and reality is whatever I decide it to be."

"This town is a sinkhole of leeches.  Everyone's trying to manipulate the political system to his own special advantage, often to the detriment of the country."

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

"Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve."

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

"Once you've seen how broken someone is it's like seeing them naked -- you can't look at them the same anymore."

There you have it, Friends.  My summer reading at a glance.  The Hate U Give was by far my favorite of the books I read this summer.  Everyone should read it.  (One More Thing by B. J. Novak was really good, too.  The story about the girl on a date with a warlord was hilarious!)

Any of you read anything this summer that you thought was fantastic?  I'm always looking for recommendations!  

That's What He Said

Hey, Friends.

My niece and nephew were up visiting from Texas for the last month or so. They just went home on Friday and I miss them already.  I'm going to write about them a bit now to help me to keep the memories close.  If you aren't feeling that, think it sounds deadly boring, please feel free to take yourself elsewhere.

We're going to talk about my nephew here, Friends -- more specifically the things that he says.  He's 9, and I find some of the things he says to be hilarious. Sometimes it's because he really wasn't paying attention and repeats what he thought he heard, sometimes he can't remember the word he really wants to use so he comes up with a close approximation.  He's also just a really funny little dude.  I started making notes of some of them. I think they're priceless, but I'm totally biased on this.

Without further ado, I present the sayings of my nephew, Austin. I call them:

Austin-isms

Let's start with a couple of classics that my brother relayed to me.  

1) "Ham on tuna" -- Hannah Montana.  They had been discussing the show, and clearly Austin wasn't really listening very carefully.  When he was really little he had to watch it a lot because my niece was obsessed with the show, and he used to call it "Best Show" because of the theme song.

2) "Can of fish" -- again, his listening ears weren't working so well.  Apparently my sister-in-law was trying to talk and he kept interrupting, and she said, "Can I finish?" 

3) Another older example I was present for:  he couldn't remember the word 'elves'.  He called them "Santa's midget clowns", and claimed that they hated children.  

On to the gems from this summer.  Some are pretty clear, and others might necessitate a bit of explanation.

4) "Like a rhino in a Chinese store" -- he meant bull in a china shop, but didn't quite get it right.

5) On dealing with  his sister:  "I'm not allowed to touch her.  At all."

6) On briefly seeing a display for something called Spikeball in a sporting goods store: "It's just what drunk people play."

7) To his grandmother, "You're wasting my words."  This could go a couple different ways.  Originally he meant that she was twisting his words.  He also used to complain that, "Grandma is always asking me a million questions about everything," and she was making him waste his words answering her.

8) When I asked him what he had been doing since his fingernails were caked with dirt:  "That's not dirt.  That's memories."

9) "Hands are nature's silverware.  Teeth are nature's knives."

10) To his sister, "You have all the length, I have all the muscle."  (She is older and much taller than he is.)

11) On debating with me whether 'bogosity' was a word: "Bogosity -- search it up, Aunt Tammy!  It's totally in Urban Dictionary!"

12) He came to visit me at the library where I work, and took it upon himself to put all of the puzzles in the children's area back together correctly.  He also morphed into a 90 year old man.  "These darn kids are irresponsible, losing all the pieces. They shouldn't be allowed to have puzzles!"

13) "Little tickets to heaven" -- that's what he called the goose poop that was all over sidewalk when we were out for a walk.

14) Showing me his profile picture on his Instagram account: "That's a cupcake.  I made it.  His name was Diabetes."

15) "Is this going to be an Austinism?  Don't write that down.  I can do much better than that!"

16) We were in the car.  He was really tired, watching YouTube videos on his tablet and trying to listen to the conversation Lili (my niece) and I were having about Pretty Little Liars. "Who what did?" and then whispered under his breath, "Oh, God."  

17) Commenting on his sister: "She's now turning into a real giraffe!  Long neck, long legs..."

18) He went to baseball camp at Marist College, and he would come home starving and totally exhausted.  He would never cop to being tired and would fight it every night.  It led to him saying things at dinner like, "I can't talk because there's a mouth in my food."

19) And when tired he kind of scrambles his words a bit: "Is the dar clocked?"  Is the car locked.  Totally wouldn't admit he said it, either.  Cause he wasn't tired, damn it!

20) My brother was up to visit for the week before taking his kidlets back home to Texas.  My mother had made a pasta salad with garbanzo beans in it.  Austin was sitting closest to the salad, and was dishing some out to my brother when he asked. "Do you want the garzombie beans?"  I like his word better, honestly.

21) "Everybody likes ice cream.  Except for people who are lactose intolerant."  Then he whispered, "They have explosive poo later."

22) He came home from baseball camp and announced to his sister and I, " I have swamp butt."  I don't know what it is, and I don't think I want to know.  I told him to make sure he told his Dad, since he was here.  Aunt Tammy doesn't handle Swamp Butt.  New rule.

23) This happened on Thursday night.  I worked late and went over to my parents' house after to visit everyone.  My brother had already taken Austin up to bed to start the process of trying to get him to sleep.  I went up to the bedroom to see him before he went to sleep.

Austin:  Hi Tomato-mobiler!  *cracks up laughing*

Me: Hi there, Giggles.

Austin:  Get it?  Cause Dad calls you Tomato and he sent your birthday present to Tomato and they delivered it!  And your car is red-- like a tomato!  The Tomato mobile.  You're a tomato-mobiler!"  He was giddy he was so tired, just cracking himself up.

Me:  Whatever you say, Swamp Butt.

His birthday is next week.  I hope he finds it just as hilarious when I address his present to Swamp Butt.  He doesn't think they will deliver it.  They totally will. I send flowers to my niece every year for her birthday.  Back in the day I used to address them to her self-proclaimed moniker of Princess Flapjack Electroboom.  They always got delivered.  Swamp Butt is in for a surprise!

Just to be fair and round this out, I'll share a bit of ridiculousness that my brother, my niece and I got up to.  It's entirely my fault.  I take full blame.

My brother, Lili, and I were all watching television at my parents' house.  (The kidlets stay there when they come to visit, as neither would be up and motivated to go when I have to leave for work in the morning.  My brother crashes at my house when he is in town.) There must not have been a Yankees game on at the time as I had the remote.  I was flipping through the channel guide, trying to find something appropriate for all viewers, and I noticed a show was on Animal Planet called "Finding Bigfoot".  

So I chose it.

I thought it was going to be something educational....like discussing the history of the Bigfoot legend. Nope.  They were in Iowa, I think, and were going to go out and look for Bigfoot where all of these sightings had purportedly taken place.  I assumed they were going to debunk them -- examine the area and talk about what native animals (like bears) people might have been mistaking for Bigfoot.

I was so wrong.

They were legitimately out there trying to find Bigfoot.  They had night vision cameras, thermal readers -- you name it.  Still cool.  It was interesting to see what they could find.

The thing that did us in was the terms they were using.  Did the area look "Squatchy?"  They were going out "squatching".  I really thought I heard them wrong the first time, but they kept saying similar things.

So, fast forward to the last day of their visit.  Lili had told my brother that she wanted the two of them to "go on an adventure" while Austin was at camp and I was at work.  We came up with a bunch of things they could do as an adventure, depending on what time Lili managed to drag herself from bed after being up chatting with her friends on her phone half the night.

They ended up going to Minnewaska State Park to go hiking.  It's really beautiful.  I go there quite often to get away from it all.

My brother takes some pictures while they are there, but he tags them with things like "squatchwatch2017". When they were taking a rest, it was a "squatchsquat".

I might have replied and asked if the area looked "squatchy".

But the best of them was definitely when he said, "Going to find them where they live.  Catch them in their sas-hole."  I found that highly amusing.  I don't really care if that makes me seem incredibly immature.

My point, Friends, is that Austin comes by his crazy sayings naturally.  We all do it.  I just happen to find my little dude to be super funny. Like I said -- I'm very biased.  

I hope you found some of this to be at least mildly amusing.