Sunday, March 30, 2014

An Eggscellent Find

So I was in the store the other day, and I came across the oddest candy:


Yeah, that's right:  Gummi Fried Eggs!  Who comes up with these ideas?  I can understand the cola bottles, cherries, peach rings -- those are all things that are already sweet.  The traditional bear shape makes sense if you think teddy bears and trying to appeal to children.  I'm even down the with gummi severed body parts they sell around Halloween.  They are macabre, a little twisted, and I buy them every year.  

Of course I had to buy these immediately.  Who knows when I will see gummi fried eggs again?  I'm not sure why they are out now.  I'm guessing anything egg related is supposed to be associated with Easter.  They were strangely alluring in their weirdness.  

I decided the best way to showcase my special find was to make cupcakes.  I have no good reason to make them; they are purely to celebrate the magnificence of the candy.  I'm taking them to work tomorrow because what the heck am I going to do with that many cupcakes?  They would petrify into little cupcake paperweights.

Behold!

For the record (and to keep my coworkers from being grossed out at the idea of what they might be asked to ingest): the gummi fried eggs taste vaguely like vanilla, or marshmallow.  I can't really put my finger on it.  

While awesome, it still seems like a strange choice of food to recreate in gummi form.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

In Which I Continue to Watch the Marvel Movies In The Wrong Order

In case you are just joining us, I watched Thor for the first time last week.  I kind of latched onto Loki as my favorite character (don't know what that says about me).  I finished and had to watch The Dark World immediately afterward.  I was not happy with Loki falling off of Asgard at the end of the first movie.

I did not find out until after the fact that I needed to watch The Avengers as well.  I had been sucked into the whole Marvel Universe thanks to Loki.  I don't know that much about superheros -- don't watch most of the movies, haven't read the comics.  It's a whole new world to me.

Last night I decided to watch The Avengers -- or Part II of the Loki trilogy, as I considered it.  Joss Whedon is involved with this?  Awesome!  I loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  I knew who Thor and Loki were, obviously, so I wasn't going in completely clueless.  Oh look!  Iron Man is in this, too.  I've actually seen the first Iron Man movie because Robert Downey Jr. was in it.   Captain America! Holy cow, I remember watching a cartoon version of Captain America when I was little.  I remember the theme song and everything!

In re-runs, people.  I was not around in 1966.

The Hulk?  Totally know who he is as well!  This is going so much better than I had hoped.  I watched that on television too, when it was Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno.  


No clue on the rest of them.  Never heard of anyone named Hawkeye or Black Widow.  I have only heard of S.H.I.E.L.D. because of the commercials for the television series.

This should be good!  At least I wasn't completely clueless.

I realized immediately that I was going to have to go back now and watch Captain America starring Chris Evans.  Add that to my list of movies to catch up on.  Apparently he already knows what the Tesseract is, and he was a popsicle for many years.  I remember none of that from watching the cartoon series.

Ah, Loki.  You are still chockablock with issues: Daddy problems, Brother problems, power hungry, jealous, vindictive, hurt.  I love the complexity, your warped brain and world outlook.  You are so damaged. That being said, I have a problem with your plan right from the get-go.  Loki, my lamb, what are you doing cutting such a bad deal with these creepy-ass alien dudes?  I get that they gave you a cool scepter, and knowledge of the Tesseract.  However, for someone so smart and cunning who usually looks out for himself, I think your plan is a bit short-sighted.  You want to take over the Earth and be King, and piss off your brother, I get that.  I understand that you may need an army to take over the Earth, but you are going to give them the Tesseract in exchange?  Really?  That's the part I have a problem with.  You should really consider reneging on that part of the deal.  You might be King of the Earth, but you will still be their bitch when they have unlimited power.  Keep that Tesseract for yourself, honey.  I'm sure you can come up with a way to use it to take over the Earth without these other guys.

I absolutely loved this movie!  I watched it again directly after finishing, just to catch bits I missed the first time -- like Captain America giving Fury the $10.  I love that Loki just kind of kicked back and watched Thor and Iron Man beat the stuffing out of each other in the woods.  I probably would have been much more upset about Agent Coulson if I hadn't already watched The Dark World and spoiled that part for myself.  I feel like I am missing a lot of back-story with Hawkeye and the Black Widow.  

The writing was great as well.  There were some terrific lines in the movie.  A few of my favorites:

-- Hawkeye: "Doors open from both sides."  So deadpan, like everyone should have figured that out already.

--Stark: "Loki, he's a full-tilt diva." 

--Loki: "I don't threaten...You are but words" when talking to the creepy alien leader.  So perfect.

--Fury: "I recognize the Council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid ass decision I've elected to ignore it."  Rock on, man!

I was left with one big question after watching the movie, and it is probably due to my lack of familiarity with the Marvel Universe:  Who the hell is The Council?  I get that Fury answers to them, but who are they?  Are they supposed to be world leaders?  

I have so many more movies I have to watch now.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

March Madness? More Like March Confusion

Normally I pay zero attention to basketball, and I could care less about the whole March Madness thing.  This year, however, I have entered a pool and I need to pick brackets.  I have no idea how any of this works. 

I watched the match-ups get announced on CBS, hoping that would give me some clue as to what to do.  There is so much I do not understand about all of this!  For example, how is Syracuse in the "South" part of this?  There are North, South, East, and West sections -- shouldn't Syracuse be in the North?  Why are the teams not in the proper parts of the country?  

Whatever.  At least they have rankings on the side, and the record for wins and losses throughout the season.  Surely I could go by that, right?  No.  From what I have read so far it appears that the seeds are somewhat subjective?  "The defending champion Louisville Cardinals didn't get a No. 1 seed this time, and actually may be undervalued as a No. 4 seed in the Midwest."    What?  Okay, forget the seeds.  I can go by their win-loss record. I called my father, as my "go to" sports friend doesn't follow college sports and told me to flip a coin.  My father then explained that the win-loss could be misleading as well, as some teams may have played easier opponents to get to this point.  They weren't all playing each other all year long.

Forget it!  Forget it all.  I'm going to use my own method of choosing my teams for these brackets.

-- I'm definitely going to pick Delaware.  Why?  My coworker's daughter goes there.  That's my sole reason.  Statistics be damned.

-- I may choose some teams simply because I have heard of them before watching the CBS show tonight.  

-- A couple of the schools had cute little mascots.  That's all it takes, people!  I have no idea what I am doing and may chose based on how much I like the mascot.

--One of the teams has my nephew's name in it.  SF Austin, you're in.  I never heard of you or VCU before, so it really makes no difference to me.

I don't care about winning this thing, obviously. I'm only in it to support my friend's fundraiser. I'm probably not even going to watch any of the games.  A win for me should horrify the die-hard sports fans.

**Basketball fans:  No disrespect intended.  I admire your passion.  If it makes you feel better, I also had squares in Super Bowl pools, and I had no idea until about two weeks prior that Seattle even had a football team.**


In Which I Am Late to The Thor Movies

I should start by explaining that superhero movies are not generally my cup of tea.  I rarely watch them.  I actually fell asleep in the theater during a Batman movie.  I know that lots of people adore the genre.  I think part of my problem is that you already know the major plot line before the movie even starts:  Good Guy is going to meet a villain, he will meet his love interest, the villain will be defeated, and Good Guy will get the girl. Happy ending all around.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and I understand why people would enjoy good conquering evil.  I really do get it -- I have watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy repeatedly.  For some reason it just does not translate to superhero movies for me.  It seems like the superhero wins through brawn, not smarts.

Last evening, after I got home from work, I noticed that Thor (the first one) was on television.  I have had numerous people tell me that I have to watch this movie, I will love it, it is so good, etc and so forth. I haven't read any of the comics, but I have a passing familiarity with Norse mythology, so I decided to give it a go.

I missed the first bit, and Thor was already exiled to Earth when I tuned in.  He definitely had some problems, and presumably there was a villain somewhere, and here comes Natalie Portman as the love interest. The actors are great, but I am not getting why people have been telling me that I have to see this.

And then came Loki.

Well hello there, shape-shifter, trickster God!  Now the movie has my attention, and I might just be rooting for the "bad guy".  He's smart, witty, and  you never really know which side his loyalty is going to lie with at any given time.  I'm intrigued.  Maybe I was overly tired, maybe my brain just makes odd connections between things, but Loki made me think of The Prince by Machiavelli. (To think that people told me my degree in English was pointless.  Look at the wonderful use I put it to in my own head!)

I was hooked by the end of the movie.  Odin was awake, Thor had saved the day but lost the girl, and Loki fell into space.  I was not best pleased by that last part, as Loki had quickly become my favorite character.  Hang on -- didn't another movie just come out last year?  Bless you, Verizon Fios, for having Thor: The Dark World available On Demand!  I had to watch it.  Immediately.

**You might want to skip this next section if you have not watched Thor: The Dark World yet.  There are going to be some spoilers.  Just scroll down the page until you see more red text.  Or go watch the movie now.  This will still be here when you are finished.**

First off -- the Dark Elves are just creepy.  I don't like their faces.  They are nightmare fodder.

Secondly, why is Loki in jail?   Last I saw he fell out of Asgard.  He was naughty and caused some problems, apparently.  I'm not sure why locking him up in solitary confinement was the solution, as that is just going to tick him off even more.  Mistake, good guys, mistake.  That's a lot of free time for him to think, and thinking is his strong point, not yours.

Let's jump ahead to the part where I almost turned off the movie, shall we?

Did Loki just die?  Unacceptable!  There had best be some illusions going on right here.  And Thor -- really?  You're going to leave your dead brother who just saved your life lying on the ground?  Your Mom just got a fire boat, and lights, and became a star.  You just left Loki dead on the ground and promised to tell your Dad that he had died nobly?  I'm disappointed in you, Thor.

Of course I could not stop watching at that point.  I'm invested in defeating the creepy Dark Elves now.  So let's just skip to the end.  Thor goes to have a chat with Odin.  Odin wants him to be King.  Thor is all, "I don't want to be King.  It's too hard and you have to make tough decisions.  Loki would have been better at it.  BTW -- he died nobly."  Thor leaves, and OMG Odin is really Loki!  I cheered, by myself, in the middle of the night.  I'm a tad concerned about what might have happened to Odin, but Loki isn't dead!

Somebody start working on a third movie, please!

**You can start reading again below this point.  No more spoilers from here.  Just don't look up the page or you will ruin it for yourself.**

So today I did the Heart Walk, and the friend I was walking with happens to be a big fan of all of the superhero movies.  I told her that I had finally gotten around to watching Thor, but that I had preferred Loki to the good guys.  Her response?  "Oh, I'm so glad you discovered Loki!  I knew you would love him! *pause* Not that you are evil or anything, but he seems like your type of character."  Yes, yes he is. We went on to discuss the movie, and I explained how I immediately had to watch the second movie, and how distressing I had found parts of it.

She asked if I had seen The Avengers.  No, obviously I had not.  That is about multiple superheroes, so why would I ever have watched that?  I had looked up the movies on IMDB last night, so I knew Thor and Loki were listed as being in The Avengers, but I assumed that with all of those superheroes crammed into one movie the main focus would be on all of them, and Loki must just be a tiny part.

I was informed that my assumption was incredibly wrong.  Turns out that Loki is a big part of that movie, as he is the villain that all of the superheroes are fighting.  Who knew?  It actually explains quite a bit of context that I missed in the second movie, like the whole "This is for New York" face-slap.  I did think it was a bit odd that they kept referencing all of this chaos that Loki had caused, yet they weren't showing any of it.  Apparently it rates its own movie, which I now have to watch.  (I'm not counting the face-slap as a spoiler -- even I had seen that in the trailers.)

What have I gotten myself into with these movies?  I did not realize that Loki was going to suck me into an entire franchise.









Friday, March 14, 2014

Heart Walk & Why I Am Walking

Recently I have been annoying asking people to donate money to the Heart Walk, which I will be doing tomorrow morning.  (You can still give me an online donation here if you wish!)  Many of you might not know why I am doing the Heart Walk.

I had a condition called SVT, which is not lethal.  Basically, I had an extra "wire" in my heart, and it would get confused and pick up extra heart beats.  I could be sitting down, and all of a sudden my heart would take off like I had just been running a race.  Incredibly scary, and it could happen at any time.  I have heard that people could pass out because it was so fast, but I never experienced that part of it.

I saw a cardiologist for years, and was on medication to try and help control it.  Even though I was on medication it could still break through, and more times than I would like to remember I ended up having to go to the emergency room.

On my most memorable trip to the ER I ended up staying overnight as the doctor on duty could not get my heart to slow back down.  When a specialist arrived around 6am they were finally able to control it.  They had to give me an injection that stops your heart briefly, and then it starts again at a normal pace.

Sounds scary, right?  Terrifying is more like it.  They stop your heart, and that also stops your breathing.  You can try all you like to breathe -- I thought I was pretty good at it since I have been doing it my whole life without any problems -- but you cannot will your lungs to work.  Did I mention you are still conscious during all of this?  Yeah, so you are alert and scared.  All I could think of were the things I was going to miss out on if this was it, if something went wrong and they couldn't get my heart started again:  I never got married, never had kids, wouldn't get to see my niece and nephew grow up to be amazing people.  I'm sure it only lasted a couple of seconds, but time really does seem to slow down and it felt like an eternity.  Once your heart starts again you are completely exhausted.  After I got home I think I slept for 12 hours straight.

I stayed on the medication for several years.  Apparently I was much younger than most people who present with this problem.  The cardiologist told me from the very beginning that there was a procedure they could do in which they go in and use a laser to burn out the extra "wire" from your heart that is picking up the extra heart beats.  I held off on having it done for years since I wasn't really sure I wanted anyone using a laser on my heart.

The problem with being on medication for years is that it builds up in your system gradually.  I didn't realize how it was effecting me for a long time.  I was constantly tired.  Just going to work and home would take all of my energy.   I was also a paranoid wreck about doing anything that might make my heart beat too fast, because what if I couldn't get it to slow back down?  Breathing exercises helped, I could take some extra medication if  I really had to, but I was always afraid it would result in another trip to the hospital.  Even with insurance that gets pricey after a while.  You also gain a lot of weight when you are too tired to do anything and afraid to work out very much.

Finally, in 2012, I had the ablation surgery done.  I was so tired of how the medication made me feel, of constantly worrying about having another episode.  I would have to deal with this for the rest of my life, probably feeling even worse as I kept taking the medication.  I remember worrying about going to Disney World with my family:  did I bring enough medication?  Would all of that walking around in the sun trigger an episode?  How close was the nearest hospital if I had to go, and would they accept my insurance?  I was done.  I could not keep dealing with this bullshit, being worried about things that should be fun, afraid to do anything that might make my heart race too fast.

I should have had the surgery years ago, in retrospect.  I have had absolutely no problems since then, I don't have to take any medication.  I feel so much better, more alert and have so much more energy.  Now it is a battle to get the weight back down, but it is a work in progress.  I'm still a little nervous about having an episode -- I know it isn't possible, but that fear lingers after so many years.

So that is why I am doing the Heart Walk.  I was lucky and had a condition that was treatable.  I could have the surgery, be cured, and get on with my life.  So many people don't have that option.  I would like to help them in any way I can.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

In Which We Go to the Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon!

I was incredibly lucky and was able to go see the taping of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon on March 11th (the 17th episode!).  I have to thank my big boss, the Library Director, for indirectly having made this possible.  The only reason I was able to get tickets when they were released for March was because we were having a massive snow storm here and the library was closed.  Had it not been for that snow day I would not have seen the announcement, and the entire month of tickets was gone in less than half an hour, I think.  So thanks, Boss Man!

I scored a reservation for 3 people, so my friends Chris and Kate came with me.  We took the fabulous Hudson line down, just before noon.  Since I thought we might not have a chance to eat lunch before the taping, and one person was coming directly from work, I decided to pack a lunch for us to eat on the train.

I was a little overzealous in my lunch preparations.  I wanted to make sure there was something that everyone would eat.  So along with the water and Yodels (because who doesn't love a Yodel?  No one, that's who.) I made sandwiches....a lot of sandwiches.  I made bologna & cheese with mayo and one with mustard, turkey & cheese with mayo and one with mustard, peanut butter & grape jelly and also peanut butter & strawberry-rhubarb jelly.  I was making options, people.  I also cut them each into four quarters.  I thought it would make them easier to eat, but it kind of looked like I thought we were on a kindergarten field trip or something.

The trip was off to an auspicious start when I scored a close parking spot at the train station, and I did a kick-ass job parallel parking.  I hate parallel parking and never do it if I can possibly avoid it.  Driveways and parking lots are how I roll.  To commemorate my awesome parking job and because we took it as a good sign for the way the day would go, we took a picture.

The giant bag in my hand?  Yeah, that's our lunch.

We got our tickets and the train was on time.  I normally have the worst luck with the train and end up sitting somewhere stuck for an hour with "equipment on the line".  We are super lucky that we went on Tuesday, as we would not have been able to make it on Wednesday.  There was a horrible explosion in Harlem in which people died, and it shut down train service for several hours.

We got to Grand Central with plenty of time to spare.  Since I packed enough food for a small army, we had some leftovers.  We knew we could not take it into the studio for the taping, so Chris gave it to a homeless woman we saw begging for money.  She seemed really appreciative, and it was just the right thing to do.

Since the main branch of the New York Public Library was pretty much on the way to claim the tickets we decided to go visit.  

Hi there!  Also, my hair is a hot mess (I'm in the center.)

They have an exhibition on children's books at the moment.  It is really cool, and you should check it out if you get a chance.  They have very cool things like this:

Those are the original toys that inspired A. A. Milne to write Winnie the Pooh

After checking out the exhibition it was time to go claim our tickets.  I had a confirmation for three, but you have to get there to claim them and that part is on a first-come, first-served basis.  We got to the assigned pick-up point in the NBC Experience Store at the earliest time you could start claiming tickets.  Other people got there earlier.

This would be the time I began to worry we might not get in.

The couple in line in front of us were very nice and friendly, which was great because we were going to be spending some quality time standing in line with them over the course of the afternoon.  They were visiting from San Antonio, as it turns out.

We presented the confirmation and our photo identification, and we got our tickets and wrist bracelets.  Now it's real!!

They give you chocolate, too!  Thanks, Tonight Show!

That was all done pretty quickly, considering the line they had to work through.  You then get instructions to meet by the Golden Escalator by a specific entrance at a specific time.  Um, okay.  We had some time to kill before we had to do that.  It was like an adventure in Wonderland or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: "Find the XX entrance and then wait by the magical Golden Escalator!"

We wandered around a bit, as we also got insanely lucky with the weather that day.  It was in the 60s outside.  I know that doesn't sound fabulous to a lot of people, but considering that today was back to being 18 with a "feels like" temperature of 2 in the middle of the afternoon, this was awesome!  (And I had to get an iced coffee as I had not had nearly enough that morning.)

We find the Golden Escalator, and now we get to line up against the wall in order of the numbers on our tickets.  Sounds simple, right?  Nope.  People were all just trying to jam up near the front of the line.  It got to the point where Chris was just holding up his ticket with the number so people could figure out whether to get in front of us or behind us.

Once that mess got as organized as it was going to be, we got to go upstairs to....wait in line some more!  But now we were in a special roped off area.  We were getting closer.  So exciting!  One of the NBC gentlemen (I'm not sure if he was security or a page) checked to see if we were in order, and then told us we did a much better job than the folks in the front.  

The upstairs line, it turned out, is where we had to queue for the metal detectors.  They gave us all the instructions on how to proceed when they called each group.  It really was very well organized.  They also told everyone to take a picture of their ticket at that point, as they will be taking the ticket shortly.   :(  The woman in front of us was really kind of bummed she didn't get to keep it.  They also instructed everyone to turn off their phones -- not just silence it, or put it away -- turn it off.  If they so much as see your phone out during the taping they will kick your ass out.

Once we got through the metal detectors we went up an elevator, and then we stood in line again.  This was actually super-fast as they told you where to sit.  I'm not sure how they determined the seating, as we did not end up remotely near the couple from San Antonio.

And then it was awesome!  The Studio!  The Roots!  Jimmy Fallon!  The guests!  We were there for the episode with Tyler Perry, Billy Eichner, and Juanes!

Best part?  We totally got to be on television!  Billy Eichner and Jimmy Fallon went into the audience.  We weren't directly involved in the game, but we got a lot of screen time by being behind people that they spoke to. 

In the clip above, when they circle around and start talking to this woman in the black shirt?  We are sitting right behind her!  You can easily spot my friend Chris in the white shirt sitting on the end.  I'm next to him, and Kate is next to me.

As if that wasn't exciting enough, Chris is now totally in a BuzzFeed gif set!  BuzzFeed

The part that surprised me the most out of the whole process was how little time the guests were actually there.  I know they edit the show before it airs.  I thought Jimmy would talk to Tyler Perry for a long time, and then that would get edited down to what you see on the show: highlight certain parts, or edit stuff out if the guest didn't like how they looked, etc.  Nope.  He was not there that long at all.

Also, we were there for the 17th show in a brand new studio.  They had to tell people during the warm-up that they were not to stick gum under the chairs!  Yeah.  Brand-new studio, barely 3 weeks in use, and some assholes had already stuck gum under the seats.  This is why we can't have nice things, people!  I'm disgusted, but not surprised.  I work in a public library.  You would not believe the shit (sometimes literally) that people will do.

After the show we wandered, ate dinner, got dessert from Magnolia Bakery, and caught the train home.  We even made it home with enough time to watch ourselves on the show that night.  I can't speak for Chris or Kate, but I know I totally freaked and shot video of my television on my phone when I realized we were going to be visible.

All in all it was a fantastic day!  Next time I am going to try for tickets to Late Night With Seth Meyers!

**Edit:  I almost forgot: I had my very first celebrity sighting!  No, not Jimmy Fallon or the guests on the show.  When we were out walking after the taping I saw Ted Allen also walking down the street.  I did my very, very best not to spaz out and to act like it wasn't the first time I had actually seen a celebrity just out in the wild, so to speak.**



Monday, March 10, 2014

Like Flypaper For Freaks

**This ended up being much longer than I had originally intended, but I think it is worth the read.  So kick back, get comfy, and read on.**

Earlier today I had a woman approach me, seemingly appearing from nowhere.  She asked me for the time, and as I was checking my phone she told me I had nice hair and basically started petting my head.  It was odd.  People that I have mentioned it to find it creepy.  It is a bit creepy, I guess, but weird things like this happen to me all of  the time.

You want a really good example of what I mean, of why a stranger petting my head does not seem too strange to me?  Let me take you back ...

A few years ago my friend and I went on a trip to New Orleans.  We'll call my friend Glinda from now on to protect her privacy.  We happened to be there for the week that included the end of Mardi Gras.  This story has nothing to do with Mardi Gras itself, but it is important because we would otherwise probably have been staying in a different hotel in a far less....interesting area of town.  By "interesting" I mean the hotel told us that we should always take the hotel shuttle or a cab, never try to walk back to the hotel in the dark, and even to be careful walking down the block to Burger King during the day as someone had recently been mugged doing just that.

Glinda and I had been out wandering about in the French Quarter.  We were headed back to the hotel, so we were dutifully waiting in the assigned spot for the hotel shuttle.  I remember there was a drug store -- CVS, I think -- across the street.

As we were waiting for the shuttle we saw a strange woman walking up and down the other side of the street.  She was carrying on quite a conversation with herself, and  then she would randomly ask people for money and get seriously pissed off if they told her no or ignored her.  I don't know that she was homeless, but she was sporting some interesting attire and her hair was a mess.  Eventually she wandered off far enough that Glinda and I were able to get into the store without encountering her.

We made our purchases and went back out and across the street to keep waiting for our lovely shuttle.  The strange woman from earlier returned, and she was working her way up our side of the street.  I have no idea if she was high or just mentally not all there.  This time we were able to hear her asking people for change -- not money in general, but specifically change.  We couldn't leave as our shuttle was due at any time.  Glinda and I came up with a plan: I had about a dollar in quarters in my pocket.  If she got to us before our shuttle arrived then I would give her the change and we would hope she continued on her merry way.

Of course the damn shuttle did not arrive.  I had the change ready in my hand.  The woman was muttering under her breath as she approached.  Instead of asking us for change, as we had assumed she would, she kept muttering and shoved me off the sidewalk into the street, almost in front of a cab.  

Skip forward a bit to Glinda and I having returned to the hotel. It was either later that afternoon or the next day, I don't remember which, and we were sitting outside in the courtyard of our hotel.  We were enjoying the sun and warm weather, away from the craziness outside of the hotel.  Another hotel guest asked if she could join us at our table.  Why not?

We were all chatting for a while, and our new friend told us that she was a psychic.  She asked if we would like her to do a reading for us.  (No, she never asked for any money.)  Free psychic readings?  Of course we said yes.

Glinda went first.  All the woman did was hold her hand -- not a palm reading -- and look at her.  She told Glinda that she saw dollar signs around her, that she would do well financially.  She also told Glinda that she was going to meet and fall in love with a blonde man.  Nice reading!

The woman asked if I would like a reading as well.  Hell yeah!  Bring on Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome, please!

I gave her my hand, ready to hear awesome things like she had told Glinda.  She told me I had a big heart.  Aw, that's sweet!  Then she stared at me for a while without saying anything....and then she told me that was it.  She couldn't read me as I was "blocking" her, a very strong block.  What?  No!  I'm not doing anything.  I want to know -- Mr. Right?  Anything?

Nope.  That was it.

We chatted for a while more and ended up telling her about the weird woman who had almost shoved me in front of a taxi.  Our new psychic friend knew who we were talking about!  She and her son had seen the woman doing the same thing outside of a club the previous night.  I mean she described the woman's outfit and hair perfectly.  No way she was making it up -- they had seen the same lovely lady.  New Orleans is a crazy place crammed full of people near Mardi Gras.  What were the chances she had seen the same woman?  So strange.

Then she let the bomb drop: she didn't think the woman was on drugs or crazy, but might have been possessed.  Even better?  She said I had been cursed by the weird woman when she shoved me off of the sidewalk.

Wait, what?

I was not amused.  She couldn't tell me anything other than that I had a big heart because I was "blocking" her, but had no problem telling me that a strange woman on the street had put a curse on me?  Not cool.

Our psychic friend told me that I needed to pick two long fronds off of the palm tree in the hotel courtyard, and then make them into the shape of a cross.  Once I had made the cross I was to hit myself with it three times while asking for the curse to be removed, then sleep with the frond cross near my bed.  Fabulous.

I was skeptical.  I was also not about to ignore the advice of our psychic friend and possibly be cursed.  We were in New Orleans after all, and I did not need any kind of bad voodoo or juju being placed on me.  I did exactly what our psychic friend told me to do.  It was a totally ridiculous situation.  I felt silly doing it.  I'm also pretty sure that, as we speak, I am not cursed.  I will make an ass of myself any day if it might keep me from being cursed.

I know some of you are questioning whether that would actually work.  You might think our psychic friend was just messing with us and making it all up.  I don't blame you.  I thought there was a good possibility of it at the time.

Let me add a bit of credibility to our psychic friend.  Remember the awesome things that she told Glinda? They turned out to be dead-on accurate.  She isn't a millionaire by any means, but she makes a comfortable living.  Her husband?  Yup.  He's blonde.

I might have "blocked" her somehow, and I didn't get to hear about Mr. Right showing up at some point (still single here, universe) but I am pretty sure that I avoided being cursed.  I'm happy with that.

That would also explain why a strange woman petting my head and telling me I have nice hair does not faze me that much.  Weird shit happens to me.  A lot.




Saturday, March 8, 2014

There and Back Again: A Walkway Story

For those of you not from the North East, it has been a long winter this year.  We have had lots of snow, it has been very grey, and the "polar vortex" has visited way too many times this year.  On a day like today, when there is actually sunshine and the temperature is above freezing, everyone gets a raging case of Spring Fever and needs to get outside and do something.  It was almost 50 today (heatwave!), so I decided to go take a stroll on the Walkway Over the Hudson.  Many, many people had the same idea.

First tip for local people: the big free spot where people park?  Not plowed.  I was lucky to get a spot in the pay-parking lot.  I was cool with that as I am crap at parallel parking, which was the only other option.  I go to pay my $5 at the machine, and it isn't accepting cash.  Three of us tried.  Back to the car to get a credit card, as that option was working, and I had no desire to get a ticket or get back and find my car towed.

Finally make it out onto the Walkway, and see this lovely sign:


Work zone?  Well that made me a bit twitchy.  I have a thing about bridges.  When I was little I saw footage on television of a bridge collapsing in a flood, and all of the cars on it going into the water.  Many people drowned.  When we covered escaping from a car in the water during Driver's Ed.  in high school I was probably the most attentive student the teacher had ever seen.  I hate, hate, going over bridges in cars.  I'm better if I am driving and watching the road.  Low bridges are okay, bridges like the Brooklyn Bridge with lots of nice safe metal on the side are best.  I worry the entire time crossing the bridge that it is going to collapse, my car is going to go into the water and I am going to drown, and that will seriously piss me off because I am an excellent swimmer.  That's how my brain works, folks:  not worried about falling from a height, anything else falling in top of me, freezing cold water -- just that fact that I might not have a chance to swim away from it.  

The Walkway doesn't bother me as I'm walking and it is really like a big sidewalk in the air.  I'm not afraid of heights. The sign above gave me pause because what exactly were they working on?  Are there screws falling out or something?  Railing about to fall off?  Oh well.  Not in a car, so it will be splat or swim if something goes horribly wrong.  Besides, if it was really dangerous they wouldn't be letting people walk across it.

Turns out the work is installing an elevator.  I don't think it is finished yet.  The deck and the doors are there, but no visible elevator.


Hello, back of the elevator doors!

There had been an organized walk of some sort earlier in the morning.  They were handing out leftover bottles of water if people wanted them, which was nice.  I came prepared with my coffee so I was good to go.  

About three-quarters of the way across to the Highland side of the Walkway there was a group of three people walking toward the Poughkeepsie side, and they were handing out pamphlets.  They gave one to the three people in front of me, and one to me.  I assumed it was something to do with the walk this morning (which apparently was an International Women's Day march), so I took one.  I was so wrong.  

You have got to be kidding me

I believe my exact words were something eloquent like, "What the hell is this?"  And apparently I said them a little louder than I thought, as the guy in front of me started cracking up.  I must really look like I am Satan's Spawn.  Thirteen visits from the God Squad apparently are not enough!  Now I have people trying to save me in the middle of the Hudson River. The part on the back of the pamphlet where it says "Compliments of:" is blank, but I was able to skim and learn that it is written by Ray Comfort.   It basically goes on about the 10 Commandments, assumes that you are a sinner who has broken them and will be going to Hell, and then compares you to a criminal standing before a judge to try and scare you into accepting their point of view.  Perfect thing to hand out to strangers on a beautiful day!  Oh, and then you are to entrust your life to Jesus Christ, and read and obey the Bible every day.  

The walk back from Highland was much less eventful.  Just beautiful weather, lots of people not proselytizing, and some boats and trains going past.




Sunday, March 2, 2014

In Which a Disney Movie Creeps Me Out

Let me start by fessing up that I have been known to watch the Disney Channel. I am an adult,  I don't have any kids, no plausible cover story for doing so.  I could lie and say it is to keep up with what my niece and nephew like to watch, but why bother.  I absolutely love Phineas & Ferb, and Gravity Falls rocks my socks.

When it has been a really long day, you cannot beat the teen movies.  Generally they are set in a high school environment that is much nicer than I remember school being, everyone from opposing cliques gets together by the end, and love conquers all.  It's like Lifetime-lite, without anyone murdering a cheerleader, or an ex-wife or something.  It will all come to a happy ending by the end of the two-hour time slot.

That's what I thought, at least, until I tried to watch the movie Starstruck the other night. In fairness to the writers and the good people at Disney, I need to say that I did not watch the whole thing.  I got so creeped out and side-tracked by one tiny part of the storyline in the beginning that I just stopped watching.

Yeah, that's right.  I got freaked out by a teen movie, during prime time, on the Disney Channel.  It's not even a movie that is supposed to be scary!

Here is a recap of what I saw of the movie:

Two sisters live in a small town in Michigan. (I might have the state wrong.) The older sister and her BFF have massive crushes on a rock star/teen celebrity who is constantly in the tabloids, on the entertainment television shows -- basically the Justin Bieber of this movie's universe.  Well, Bieber before the drugs, eggs, hookers era.  The younger sister has zero interest in the guy or his music, and finds her sister's obsession with him annoying and ridiculous.

Nothing creepy so far, right?

The sisters and their family are going to go visit Grandma, who lives in California.  That's sweet.  Guess who else lives in California?  That's right, Rock Star!

There's something about a school dance -- I think the older sister and her BFF were selling tickets or something.  They give younger sister a hard time about "Why would you be going? You're like so not cool!".  Then comes the Big Reveal, or at least it was to me since I stopped watching right after this part.

Older sister and her BFF are obviously SuperFans when it comes to Rock Star.  You get that immediately in the movie.  Now you find out that these two have maybe crossed the line from SuperFans into Creepy Stalker Land.  They show the younger sister that they have been mapping everything about Rock Star from his own online updates, the tabloids, tv, etc.  They know where Rock Star parties, eats, which beach he likes to surf at -- you name it, they know it.  As if that wasn't a little creepy to begin with, they built a pop-up book/map thing of everywhere he goes and when he is usually there.  Older sister is planning to use this to track down and meet Rock Star when they go to California to visit Grandma.

WTF.  That is when I turned off the movie.

I'm going to assume, since this is after all a Disney flick, that it never goes beyond the realm of SuperFan. They know everything about Rock Star: where he goes, his favorite color, his birthday -- all the stuff every teen magazine reports religiously. Maybe Older Sis meets him, maybe she doesn't, but I'm guessing there won't be violence or restraining orders involved in the plot.  Maybe one of these days I will feel curious enough to watch the entire movie and find out.

In my opinion there is a very fine line between harmless SuperFan and Creepy Stalker Land. A SuperFan, when they meet the celebrity of their dreams, is going to either become completely tongue-tied and unable to believe said moment is finally upon them, or they are going to become a crying mess of happiness.  I base this on two things:  I know I personally would probably freeze up completely if I ever met a celebrity, and anyone who has ever watched television or YouTube has seen footage of people (generally teenage girls) crying and losing their minds in such situations.  Creepy Stalker Land winds up with your SuperFan being like Kathy Bates in the movie Misery.

It's got to be hard to be a celebrity, especially now.  Now your fans can follow you on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and find out so much information!  SuperFans can keep in contact with other SuperFans to compare info and keep up with whatever happens anywhere in the world involving their fave celebrity.  On top of that, there is paparazzi and sites like TMZ.  There is an entire E! network reporting on celebrities.  It has got to be next to impossible to have much privacy if you are a celebrity.

I find it kind of amazing that there are celebrities that actually do Meet & Greets/ autograph signings with their fans.  I'm aware that there is probably an insane amount of security at these events, but still.  The celebrity doesn't know what that next person in line is going to do.  Are they super-excited to take a picture with you?  Are they going to assume that since they know everything about you that you will somehow recognize them as a long-lost soul mate and freak the hell out when you don't?

Case in point:

I like the band R5.  I think they are great, they are a regular fixture on my workout playlist.  I follow them on Twitter and Instagram because they are awesome at posting photos from all of their tour stops all over the world. (Also, I really do not care whether you like them or not, or don't even know who they are. That is not the point.)

New Year's Eve 2013.  I did my thing, had some people over, had some drinks, Happy New Year!,  and went to bed.

I check Twitter the next morning-ish (Probably closer to afternoon.  Shush.).  Some people had posted some questionable sentiments in their not-entirely-sober state the night before.  Nothing crazy.  R5 had played a concert that night, so there were a couple of pictures that they posted.  Each had thousands of comments.  I'm thinking it is going to be fans wishing them a Happy New Year, or saying they were at the concert.  Normal stuff is what I am getting at.

Oh no.  Furthest thing from it.

Apparently shit went down at that concert.  I had no idea what happened, but there were girls (well, fans that I am assuming are mostly girls) losing their damn minds  in comments on Instagram and on Twitter.  They were were saying things like: they were crying hysterically, their world had been destroyed, Ross had broken their hearts.  I kid not you not.  WTF.  Did they just announce this was their final show or something?  Did Ross sacrifice a puppy on stage at midnight?

No.  Apparently he kissed a fan in the audience at midnight.  Not a girlfriend he had managed to keep secret from the fangirls, just a chick in the audience.  That was all it took for these ladies to snap.

So to try to bring this all around and back to having a point, SuperFans like the older sister in the movie exist.  They are online finding out every last detail about their favorite celebrities.  Privacy seems incredibly hard to maintain.  News travels insanely fast.  I'm sure there were already SuperFans out there doing the very same thing Older Sister and her BFF were doing in the movie.  I find it incredibly creepy to think that people would try to use that information to stalk their favorite celebrity, and a little disturbing to think that Disney might have unintentionally given some SuperFans a new idea.

Like I said, to me it is a fine line between SuperFan and Creepy Stalker Land.  You can like a band/celebrity and get your fangirl on over them.  It is another thing entirely to amass information on them and make it your mission in life to meet them, to make your world revolve around them.

**I'm aware that I am probably the only person who saw even part this movie and had this reaction to it.   My brain took one tiny part of the story and ran to a scary place with it.  If you actually read all the way through this, thanks.**