Sunday, May 13, 2012

This GPS has got to go! Hey Hey! Ho Ho!

My mother and I went on a little adventure today to Kingston, to the old Stockade area Uptown.  I wanted to see the Old Dutch Church and take some pictures of the cemetery.  We had never been to that part of Kingston before, but we had the GPS, so no worries.  Right?

Oh so wrong! 

It is my parents' GPS.  We call her Lispy, because she pronounces some street names very oddly, and when you look at the street name on the screen it is no where near what you thought you heard.  It is a few years old, and is not exactly up-to-date.  If you want to update it you have to connect it to your computer, then pay a huge fee to get it updated.  Therefore, they have never updated it.

Getting to the Old Dutch Church was very easy.  The trouble occurred on the way back.  We were not trying to go back exactly the way we had come.  We wanted to go do a little shopping while we were there.  (Kingston has a big Home Goods store.)  So I plug in that we want to go to Wal-Mart, as that is literally just down the street from Home Goods and it was a business that Lispy recognized in her registry.

Lispy starts taking us down all of these crazy side streets.  We are following her directions, driving along just fine..... and then Lispy seemed to get  a raging case of GPS insanity.  First, it starts showing two arrows driving toward each other on the display, like we had somehow split into 2 separate cars.  Then, she starts telling us to find a place to pull over and turn around, like we missed an instruction.  What?  You didn't tell us to do anything, Lispy! 

So we turn around, and Lispy is happy again.  She sends us off down a bunch of different streets -- not the same ones we had just been on -- back through UpTown where we had just been, and then pitches another hissy fit.  Lispy was, for all intents and purposes, bitching us out, GPS-style.  She gets all huffy and wants us to do a loop, like we were in a traffic circle or something, and there is no such thing visible in the street! 

Whatever, Lispy.  Whatever.

We pull over again.  I decide to put in my brother's old address in East Kingston, since at least we will know where in the hell we are then and how to get to the stores from there.

Off we go, back through Kingston yet again following Lispy's instructions.  We go down this crazy sidestreet adjacent to a parking lot, and all of a sudden Lispy dings and tells us we have reached our destination.  Um.....not quite, Lispy.  Not even close.

Apparently there is a street in Kingston with the same name, and Lispy thought we should take a drive to see that one. 

That was pretty much the fuck-it-all point.  We turned Lispy off and found Route 32 ourselves and just followed the signs for a while.  When I turned Lispy back on, she behaved perfectly normally and got us to our destination very quickly.  I think she needed a break.  Had to go take her GPS meds or something.

We must have criss-crossed through Kingston at least 6 times.  We passed through UpTown at least 3 times while following Lispy's instructions.  It was about an hour long epic ride in the car.

I did get to take some photos of the Old Dutch Church and the cemetery though.

Plus, we almost got to see a bear.  Actually, we might have driven past the poor thing any number of times, but I was too busy looking at Lispy and reading street signs to know it.  When I was on Facebook earlier this evening, I saw an article posted by the Daily Freeman (Kingston' newspaper).

I missed it, and I was literally right there!  You know I would have taken pictures!  

Oh well.  At least I got a really good deal on a new set of sheets once we eventually got to Home Goods.

(Also, Lispy is likely to be replaced very soon, but keep it hush-hush for now.  I'm afraid she will somehow find out and come after us.  I would not put it past her to be some form of bitchy AI that is out to take over the world by making people drive off of cliffs, or into the Hudson River. )


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