Friday, May 18, 2012

Albania: A Library Story


I Know Why the Rest of the World Thinks Americans Are Ignorant About Everything Outside of America

I was in my office at work this afternoon, minding my own business and working on the time sheets.  A man, I would guess in his mid-to-late 40s, just wanders on into my office and asks if I can help him with a question. I told him I would be happy to try.

The following is the conversation that took place.  

Patron:  My friends invited me to go to Albania with them.  I need to know how long it would take to drive there.

Me: To drive to Albania?

Patron: Yes.  They are going to visit family there and they asked me to go with them.

Me:  Well, you can't drive to Albania, sir.  It's a different country.  Do you mean Albany?

Patron: What, do I look stupid?  I know where Albany is.  

Me:  No, I just thought maybe you heard them wrong.  Maybe they said Albany or Albion.   Those are both Upstate, and you could drive to those.  You can't drive to Albania.  You have to take a plane, and it is going to require a passport.  Albania is a different country.

Patron:  They invited me to go to Albania with them.  What?  You expect me to believe that Albania is another country?  Like the only one in the world that starts with an A?

Me:  It is a different country, and it is not the only one that starts with an A.

Patron: *snorts*  Well then, name another country that starts with an A. -- and no cheating and looking on the computer.

Me:  Australia.

Patron: Wrong!  Australia is a continent.

Me:  Yes it is.  It is also a country.  I think the good people of Australia would be upset to find out you thought otherwise.

Patron:  Okay, so there are two countries that start with A?  Please. Now tell me how to get to Albania.

Me:  You have to by a plane ticket and fly to Albania.  And there are more than 2 countries that start with A.

Patron: Oh, okay Miss smartypants!  Tell me another country then.

Me: Algeria.  It's in Africa.

Patron:  Whatever.  Any others?

Me:  Azerbaijan.

Patron:  Come on!  This is bullshit! * waving hands at me in disdain*  Now I know you are making things up!

Me:  No, I'm really not.  It used to be part of the Soviet Union.

Patron:  *walks out of office, muttering*  Bullshit. Next you're gonna tell me Oompa-Loompas live there....(mutter, mutter, mutter)....

 And he just left. 

So good luck to you, sir, on your intrepid voyage of driving to Albania!  You were a pleasure and a joy to assist. 

 I hope you ask your friends how to get to Albania, I really do.  When they tell you that you will need to get a passport and a plane ticket, I hope that you treat them nicer than you did me, or I think the offer to join them will probably be withdrawn.

I almost hope you come back to tell me when you are going on your trip.  I would love to see how you get along with the folks at airport security.



1 comment:

  1. i know a few people i would like to send to Albania...not necessarily to visit oompa loompas..but to live.