Phone Notes Part V

Hey, Friends.

It's snowing here, again.  Been trapped in the house all day and I'm bored.  I'm not going to thrill you with any pictures of the snow today, sorry. Okay, maybe one that pretty much covers my delight at having to deal with more snow.

I'm calling this my "I'm Not Happy That It's Snowing Again" face. pic.twitter.com/6QGFE9NRzp

— Tammy (@tammyshampoo) February 12, 2017

Instead, I decided that we could have fun looking at all of the random shit that I wrote as a note on my phone at some point.  You like those, right?  Hope so!  If you've been here a while then you know the drill.  I'm going to share the flotsam that was going on in my head.  If I remember what inspired it, or why I even made the note in the first place, I'll try to explain.  Some are pretty self-explanatory this time, I think.

1.  I sometimes check my phone, certain that I heard it going off, only to discover that it was a phantom sound and nothing is there.  Other times I can sleep right through the alarm -- and I use the really annoying alarm sound.  I don't understand how people can wake up to music.  I've tried and it never works.  I end up incorporating it into my dreams as a soundtrack.

2. It's 19 outside (feels like 10).  I wore fleece-lined leggings & a wool sweater to work in an attempt to stay warm in the building.  I go to Stewart's (it's like a convenience store, for those not in the North East) after work to buy gas.  Apparently they are having an ice cream sale -- and they are really pushing it.  Like I must have been asked 3 times if I also wanted to buy some ice cream.

No.  I very much do not want to buy ice cream right now.  No, I'm sure I won't want any tomorrow either.  I just want to pay for my coffee and the gas and leave.  I want to go home, drink my coffee, put on warm clothes & wrap myself in a blanket.  I'd like to feel warm again at some point.  Ice cream has no part in that plan.

3. **Fun fact:  this was apparently written at 2:01 am, on a random day back in September.  I could elaborate on it further, but I'm not going to.  I'm a little iffy on even including it.**
Past hurt and disappointment.  Time passes.  Trust once broken is a hard thing to regain.  I expect too much.  Setting the bar lower and lower and still I manage to be dazzled as he flies spectacularly beneath it.

4. Neighbor calls: "Did you see the thing?  The thing in the road?"

Okay, I know exactly what this was about.  My neighbor called the other night, convinced that she had seen a "big thing" crossing our road, down near my house.  This was about 10 pm.  She had been outside walking her dog, and it freaked her out enough that she and the dog immediately headed back inside.

No, I did not see the thing.  

She continues, telling me that it was bigger than the cats that roam the neighborhood.  That it seemed bigger than the cats, but not as big as her dog, but it didn't walk like a dog.  What could it be?

I told her I thought it might be a raccoon.  They are around here.  I saw one in my backyard over the summer, and they can get pretty big.

She was already moving on.  What if it was the bear?  We never did find out whether they caught it or not.  I tried to reassure her that it wasn't a bear, and that a bear should be hibernating right now.

She tells me that is was big, and it was dark colored.  "Maybe it was a coyote? Oh, what if it tries to eat the cats, or attacks my dog?"

Okay, there is the remote possibility that it might have been a coyote, but I'm not telling her that.  That will in no way help me to calm her ass down. I reiterated that it was probably a raccoon.  Yes, they are dark colored.  Fucking anything is going to be "dark colored" when you are looking at it at 10 pm. Maybe it was a stray dog.

It could be damn chupacabra for all I know.  I didn't see it.  I kept telling her it was probably a raccoon, and just to be careful when she is out walking her dog.  

5.  Every day I secretly hope that something random and awesome will happen.  And I drink coffee -- lots and lots of coffee, just to make sure I don't miss the little spark of awesomeness when it happens.

6.  Did you ever encounter someone and you can't even wrap your brain around how they are real? Overheard a conversation, and I was absolutely just as dumbfounded as the one participant.

Person 1: So, what do you do?

Person 2: I'm John's girlfriend.

Person 1 is tapping away on her phone

Person 2: I thought you looked familiar!  Where do you work?

Person 1: I don't work.

Person 2: Well, then do you go to school or something?  Volunteer?

Person 1: No, I don't have time for that.

Person 2: Okay....but then what are you doing all the time?

Person 1: I told you, I'm John's girlfriend.  *continues texting*

It continued on.  Apparently that is literally all she does is be this guy John's girlfriend.  She lives with him, doesn't work, doesn't do anything else.  When he is away on business she lives with her parents.  Chick had to be in her 30s.  She doesn't have time for a job because when he has to go to Albany for work, she rides with him to keep him company in the car, and so they can have lunch together.  No, they don't have any children or anything. She was texting John, who was like 20 feet away on the other side of the room.

WTF people.  I'm really trying not to judge here, but how is this even possible?  I get that maybe they are just crazy in love with each other.  Apparently they have been together for a couple of years. She was there with John, but she didn't know anyone so decided to just sit down and wait until it was time to go. 

How can you literally have no life, zero things to do of your own?  What can you possibly have to say to each other via text that can't wait until later?  You're in the same damn room -- you can literally see each other!  What happens if you break up?  You have no money, no job. 

The whole idea kind of broke my brain.  I get that they are (I assume) in love and want to spend as much time together as possible, but it seems incredibly strange to me.  How do you not do anything else with your life?  I get that they are in a relationship, but that doesn't mean that you totally lose everything about yourself.  Maybe I'm wrong.  I'm single, so what the hell do I know.  Maybe she's actually brilliant.

Phone Notes Part IV

Hey, Friends.

Yup, it's time for more Phone Notes!  Or, if I'm being totally honest about the situation, we should really be calling this:

Things I Meant to Write About, Didn't Have Enough Time to Write About, and Then Promptly Forgot About

Doesn't sound quite as good, even if it's true.  These are the things that get swept by the wayside.  I obviously thought enough of them at some point to bother to make a note about them, fully intending to do something greater with them.  Although, I honestly don't know what the hell I was thinking with some of these as there is no way to expand upon it.  Think of it as a peek into what I thought was worth saving at the moment -- whether because it seemed amusing, important, or terribly deep at the time.  

Now a word for our newer Friends...

Hi there.  Phone Notes is something that has happened here a few times. There is no set pattern. Usually it occurs when I realize I have a crap-ton of stuff on my phone that I really should just clean out.  Rather than just delete it and send it into the void, I share it here with all of you.  I'm not saying there will be any ground-breaking revelations here.  You might even get done and wonder why you bothered to read my nonsense in the first place, and rethink how you could have better spent those precious moments of your life.  I hope it's not the latter, but I realize that it is a possibility.

So let's get to it, kids.  I don't remember the context -- or what particularly set me off if it's a rant -- for a lot of these tidbits.  When I do, I'll flesh it out a bit with additional information and/or commentary that looks like this. You will otherwise be getting exactly what I put in my phone, edited slightly to make it easier to read -- like fixing typos and auto-corrects, and adding punctuation so it isn't just a big blob of text.


1) We're starting with one in which I know exactly what was going on, so be proud.  I was on the train with my niece, Lili, headed to see Twenty One Pilots at Madison Square Garden.  I had used the app to buy the train tickets on my phone, but she didn't know that. She started asking questions about what happened if you got on the train without a ticket.  I told her I didn't really know -- I assume they just kicked you off.  It took me a second to realize that she was asking because we hadn't stopped to buy tickets, but once I explained that we had tickets she was good. The Universe, however, seemed to have heard her question and decided to give her an example, up close and personal.

People sitting right behind us on the train have no tickets.  Guy said the chick with him had them, but she had gone to use the bathroom.  One stop later she's back & conductor asks for tickets.  She doesn't have them.  They say they have no cash, no cards, no way to pay.  Conductor asks for ID. They say they don't have that either.  Conductor leaves and says he'll be back.

Conductor comes back at Garrison stop.  Tells them they have to get off here -- they aren't going to Grand Central.  Guy starts cursing and refuses to get off the train.  Conductor says we will all sit here while they call the cops to remove them.  Another conductor gets involved.  Magically she now has the ability to pay, but now her account will be "fucking negative".

Lili abandons me and puts on her headphones.  3 stops later and they are still fighting (loudly) about how this is all his fault.  Her account is "fucking negative" because he wouldn't stop at the bank on the way to the train.  She wants $44 at least to cover the ticket and the charges for going negative....

Still arguing half an hour later.  Apparently they have to catch a flight to Miami.  He has to be at work by 11?  Now she wants $80 and why did she even have to come here in the first place.  He says something about it being his birthday, and she says, "Well, it's not your fucking birthday anymore!"

**Now I'm curious: do they actually have plane tickets?  They have no luggage.  And if they didn't bring any ID, like they said, how the hell do they plan on boarding a plane?**

Fighting starts again as we near Grand Central.  She is still carrying on about her account going negative.  He loses his cool and says that he bought the plane tickets, he pays for everything when they are in Miami, what is her problem, it's his birthday and he wanted to see her, etc. She says he still owes her $44.  He finally snaps and yells at her to "Please, just shut the fuck up about the $44! You know I'll pay you back when we get there!"  And it seems to work.  For the last 5 minutes on the train I don't have to listen to them having the same endless argument.

2)  3/7/16 10 pm.  I'm seriously craving raspberry Jell-O right now.  I can't even begin to reason why. I haven't had Jell-O in ages.  Something about the idea of raspberry Jell-O just seems so perfect and I'm truly bummed by my inability to make this happen.

3) 4/16/16 @ 1:20 pm.  WRRV song played at 12:50 pm.  Random, but I know why I did this.  I must have been driving somewhere in my car, really liked the song they played, and jotted down the time so that I could attempt to look it up on the Song History later on their website.  Technology defeats me on many occasions.  I went from a car with a broken cassette player to one that has bluetooth, and plays from my phone, and has Sirius.  Totally skipped the whole CD player phase. While being awesome, it thwarts me when I want to use my phone to identify a song.  I've tried it several times (while parked, not driving) and it never works.  As soon as I touch my phone it either assumes I want to make a phone call, or it starts playing the music I have on my phone. I cannot get it to cooperate and just let me Shazam or ask Siri for the song. So now I am reduced to making notes and looking it up later.  And no, I have no idea what song inspired this.  I'm assuming I really like it though.

4)  "I like Britney Spears, but she sounds like a little girl when she sings." -- My nephew, the  9 year old music critic.  

5)  Found this in the donations at work:

A whole book about it. And no, I didn't read it. Is this true, guys?  Seems like poor decision making if you are actively choosing to marry someone because she is a bitch.  Then again, I'm single so what the hell do I know.

5)  I've got nothing on this next one.  I've no idea what I was looking at, but I'm assuming I was randomly flipping through Instagram late at night.  You know, when I should have been sleeping.

Did you ever look at someone's Instagram account, and it seems like every day they are at some amazing place or fabulous party?  I often wonder how much of that is real.  Like, did they really go to this crazy party and then climb a mountain the next day, or did they go to that party for like 5 minutes to take the picture and make themselves seem cool on social media?  I mean, maybe they really have the energy to do that kind of stuff every single day.  I don't know.  It makes me wonder what actual reality is versus what they want everyone to perceive as their life.

I don't know where I'm going with this.  If it's all spot on and accurate, then congratulations on your wonderful life.  If it's not, and this is all planned and choreographed to make yourself more popular on social media?  Then I feel bad for you, and a little bit worried.  Your self-worth should never be dependent on the number of "followers" you have, or how many "likes" your last picture got.  Yeah, it's a nice ego-boost, but don't make it the sum total of who you are.  I don't know you.  I don't even follow you.  But I hope you know you are more than that.

6)  You know those people who always seem to be in a good mood?  Like they are perpetually perky?  Normally it's cool.  I can even admire their spirit when they try to find the silver lining in a bad situation.  Other times they annoy the hell out of me and I kind of want to slap them back to reality with the rest of us.  I'm guessing I was in a bad mood.  Sorry.  I'm not a saint.

7)  Yesterday morning, on the way to work.  My mind was clearly blown.  Just got a bagel for breakfast.  They toasted it, and then they put butter on it before they put on the cream cheese.  Seemed weird, and I assumed they screwed it up, but OMG.  How have I not been doing this my entire life? I know it's just extra grease, essentially, but it was so unctuous and satisfying.  Or maybe I really enjoy butter in the morning more than I ever realized.

8)  Now you're in for a treat, Friends.  I found an old voice memo on my phone.  I was clearly irked with the behavior of some people on Twitter, but I honestly couldn't tell you now who it was that sent that final message that made me snap.  I'm guessing I probably don't follow them any more.  Added bonus (if you want to consider it that): you can hear me curse, and breathe loudly, because I apparently held the phone very close in the moment.

Listen to me rant! You know you want to!

And there you have it, Friends.  These are the kinds of things I find relevant enough to make notes about.  If you are just dying to see more of these little forgotten moments, you can find the previous installments of Phone Notes here:  The classic, original phone notes, Phone Notes II: Electric Bugaloo, and Part III.

Thanks for reading.  I hope you enjoyed our time together, reliving the flotsam of my mind. Don't feel obligated to click on those links.  It's really just the short version of the stuff I post here all of the time, except I didn't attempt to pretty it up or expand upon it.  I doubt it will give you deep insights into my warped mind.  Or maybe it will -- I honestly don't know.  I'm pretty sure you can get more than enough of my ramblings just by scrolling back through old posts.

Phone Notes Part III

Hey, Friends.

I've been neglecting you, I know.  I'm a terrible person.  I feel bad.  Promise.

Worse yet, this isn't even a real post.  I mean it is a post, but it really isn't because it is more phone notes -- drivel I saved in my phone with every intention of expanding on it here, but then I got too busy or distracted by something and didn't ever get around to doing anything with it.  If you been hanging around here for a while you know the drill.  If you are just finding your way here?  You can check out my earlier installments of blathering here and over here.

I wasn't really sure about doing yet another set of phone notes, but I've got to get this stuff off my phone.  The poor thing needs to be coddled and it's storage space needs to be respected.  We're trying to save the life of my iPhone, Friends.

So, without further ado, please enjoy the things I thought were amusing and/or interesting at one point, and then chose to forget about entirely.

1) When someone refers to a coworker as your "work husband": sometimes that is okay.  In certain cases you have to bite your tongue to keep from explaining -- in great detail -- why there is no way in hell that is true, and how you never want to hear a reference to said person being your "husband" in any way, shape, or form ever again.

2) I think there should be a television show set in a public library -- like The Office or Parks & Recreation. (If such a thing already exists, someone please point me to it!) It would need a snazzy theme song, though.  On more than one occasion I have found myself pondering the possibilities.  I'm not a composer myself, so it has to be an existing song.  My favorite of the moment is this one:

3) Just missed a call that my phone tells me came from Tonganoxie, Kansas.  To the best of my knowledge I don't know anyone from Tonganoxie, but I do like the name.  

4) The Christmas season brings many gifts.  Among them (depending on how you look at it) is the gift of learning which of your friends/family/associates have no idea of the difference between Merry, Marry, and Mary.

5) Have you ever been in the line at the grocery store, started reading the headlines on the scandal/gossip magazines, and felt like a loser?  Forget the truth or accuracy of said reporting, because a lot most of it is completely made-up crap.  (I really don't understand how some of these things haven't been sued into non-existence, but I digress.)  According to the headlines, this one celebrity has gotten divorced, started dating, and gotten pregnant in the same amount of time that I have been on two dates that went nowhere.  I seriously begin to question what is fundamentally wrong with me and have to remind myself that most of this shit isn't true. Plus, it must totally suck if you are the person this stuff is being written about.  How must the people in those headlines feel when they are waiting in line at the grocery store?

6) Just overheard a coworker tell someone that they should refer all the "Big, scary people with lots of tattoos" to me because "She's fine with it, and they seem to like her better." -- Honestly, this explains so much. I can't even begin to describe how much sense this makes of my life at work.

7)    

I have issues sending flowers to Texas.  Click here if you want the story.

I think I have wasted enough of your time now, Friends.  I'm honestly kind of surprised if you made it this far. Thanks for reading...you know, assuming you still are at this point.

Phone Notes II: Electric Boogaloo

Hey, Friends.

You might remember a while back when I decided to share some of the nonsense from my phone before I deleted it.  (You can read the post here if you are just dying of curiosity.)  You probably don't remember, and why should you?  Your head is very busy remembering much more important things -- like the password that you made for a website and you were sure it was so easy you would never forget it and didn't need to write it down anywhere.  I don't expect you to make space in your brain to recall my ramblings -- that password is probably much more useful to you.

Why am I bringing this up?  Fair question.  It is once again that magical time when my phone is getting too full, and I need to purge and free up some storage space.  I should probably upgrade from my iPhone 4s at some point as well, but that's not the point.

"But why do we care about your petty phone issues?"  You don't, Friends.  I realize this.  Consider this your cue to stop reading right now, as the rest of this post is going to be made entirely of the drivel that went through my head, or things that happened that I jotted down.  Stuff I meant to follow up on and do something with here, but it never happened.  Little moments that were meant for greater things and have now been relegated to being dumped here before disappearing forever.  A last gasp for relevance, if you will.

That might not have been the best way to convince you to read this, but whatever.  It's happening whether you stick around to read it or not. On to the phone purge!

1) When you have to delete pictures from your phone, and you essentially have to give yourself a pep talk to do it.  "It's okay.  You can do this!  They have already gone on to live on social media.  It's okay to let go."

2) Dear Amazon,
         
          I know you have to install updates at times.  I'm all for updates and keeping things running smoothly.  I'm not a fan of how you do it.

         There is no warning.  Suddenly -- boom!  Shit just stops working.  I eventually figure out that the internet access on my Kindle Fire isn't loading, and it isn't a problem with my wifi.  No.  You updated shit, and until I figure out to reboot nothing is going to work.

          Same deal with Fire TV.  I was in the middle of watching a show when boom!  Everything freezes, and then it says I have no connection.  Once again, my wifi is fine.  You decided that was the optimum time to issue an update and f^*k you to anyone using the service at that moment.  No message.  No warning.  Do you have any idea how annoying it is to repeatedly type in the wifi password with the weird little remote?  Very.  And I did it repeatedly until I figured out to just unplug the damn thing and let it reboot.

3)  That moment when you know exactly what you should say, but you can't do it.  You know that if you say the right thing and tell the person what they want to hear, you will get whatever you want.  And you just can't do it.  It would make life a lot easier if you could just suck it up and spew the necessary words, but you cannot kiss that much ass without going insane.  Especially when it is undeserved.  Would rather be recognized for competence than the ability to lie.

4)  

When you see the sign warning about hunters, but figure it's not too serious because you are in a park.  About half an hour later, off in the distance a bit, you hear a gun shot.  Then another.  You've just reached the midpoint on your hiking trail, so there is no "quick" way to get back.  Screw it.  Any hunters in the area should realize that a deer would not be frolicking about in the woods wearing a bright red fleece.  But please don't shoot me on accident, okay?

5)  Putting on new socks can be such a magnificently decadent feeling.  I don't even like to wear socks that much -- barefoot is much better -- but new sock softness can be the coziest thing.  Like soft little hugs on your tired feet.

6)  That moment when you are in bed, half asleep, and suddenly can't remember if you locked the doors or just thought about having to lock the doors.  You're 99.9% sure you did, because you are a little OCD about that, but you know you have to get up and check anyway just to be sure.  You won't sleep unless you do.  If you don't check then it will probably turn out to be the one time you didn't lock the doors, and that will be when someone breaks in and axe murders you.  That would suck.  Big time.

7) Conversation between two girls, overheard in a coffee shop...

Girl 1: Look what he said there!  Isn't it funny?  I swear I've found my soul mate on Twitter!

Girl 2:  *Takes phone*  Too bad he lives on the other side of the country.  And has a few thousand followers.  Who is the person?

Girl 1: Just some guy.  I don't think he's famous or anything.  And he follows me!

Girl 2: You and 1,013 other people.

Girl 1: Hey!  He followed me first!  He obviously must see what I post and likes it.

Girl 2: Please.  He doesn't see shit that you post.  He just wants people to see his stuff.

Girl 1: He does too.  Can't you just be excited for me?

Girl 2:  Sure, if that makes you happy.  We'll just pretend you get a little tingle every time you see that someone looked at your tweet because you instinctively know it must be your soul mate reading your 140-words-or-less moments of brilliance.

Girl 1: I hate you.

Girl 2: You just hate my voice of reason.

** Yeah, that is a legit conversation.  I went into total creeper mode and took notes while they were talking.  Shut up.**

8)  That moment when you cannot remember the word "pilot", so you refer to the person as the "airplane driver".  Not even a little embarrassed when everyone laughs at you, because at least they knew what you were talking about.  Although, being called out and corrected by a 7 year old was something you could have lived without.

9) Work moments...

Coworker: Okay, I'm leaving.

Me: (while checking out a patron's items) Okay.

Coworker: See you tomorrow.

Me: I'll be here with bells on.

Coworker leaves...

Patron: Did you just tell her you would be here with bells on?

Me: Yup.

Patron: *laughs* Shit!  Sorry!  You're too funny.

Me: Thanks.

Patron: I'm going to have you check my stuff out from now on.

Me: Alright.  I'll see you in a week, same place.

Patron: I'll be here with bells on.

10)  More work moments...

Patron: I'm so glad the library moved!  That old area wasn't very nice.  And there are so many of those people over there.

Me: You mean the Vassar students?  It's a nice area -- lots of shops and restaurants to walk to.

Patron: Yes, it has things to walk to, but the people -- not the students, but the other people who live there.  You know, in the other direction.  Toward Main Street and the more city area.

Me: *blank stare*  I'm not sure that I do.

Patron: You know....the riff-raff.  

Me: There are a lot of nice, good people who live in that area.  Sure, there are some that have problems --

Patron: You have to say that because you work here.  You probably only saw the nicer segment of the population who actually know what a library is.

I was pissed off at this point.  Not going to lie.  Is there a polite way to tell someone to fuck off?  

Me: No, I can say that because I know those people.  I live two blocks from the old location.  You know, in the "other" direction.  Toward Main Street.

Patron: *looks stunned*

Me: I guess that makes me part of the riff-raff.  Your books are due in three weeks.  Have a good night.

Knowing my luck this woman will turn out to be a total witch who will file a complaint about me.

11) You know when you have a song stuck in your head?  Not even the whole song, just a snippet of it....okay really just the melody, and you can't think of any of the lyrics that go to it.  And it's way too late to be awake (around 2am) but this is going to drive you insane and keep you from sleeping until you figure out what song is stuck in your head.

    I got a little desperate.  What if I sing it to Siri?  Siri has Shazaam powers.  I wonder if I can sing the tune to Siri and she can identify it and put me out of my misery?  Is that even a thing?  Does Siri have the power to do that?

There are three possibilities here:

-- Siri does not, in fact, have the ability to recognize a song when you sing the tune to her.

-- Siri does have the ability, but just thought my singing was so terrible that she had no idea what to do about it and tried to let me down gently

-- I am a much worse singer than my shower has led me to believe all these years, especially at 2 am when I should be sleeping.

I still don't know what song it was.  

And that concludes our fun time with the random stuff I saved on my phone.  We'll probably do this again in a few months, Friends.  I hope you were mildly amused.  At the very least you will now know not to bother reading Phone Notes III when you see it posted, right?

Phone Notes

It occurred to me earlier today that I should really clear a lot of the flotsam off of my phone -- apps I never use, tons of photos that have already gone to live on Instagram, etc.  Might explain why my phone seems so sluggish at times.  What else could I clear out?  All of the notes -- probably don't need most of them any more, either.

Honestly, I did not realize how much drivel I had saved as a note at some point. Some were obvious, like the ones with the time, date, and a police officer's name:  incident reports at work.  I don't call the police that often, so I know why I had made those notes.  I'm talking about the rest of it.  Two years worth of random sentences, jots of thoughts I think I probably meant to write about here but then never actually got around to fleshing out, partial grocery lists, my brother's last two addresses -- a really weird assembly of things.

So I decided, before just purging the stuff off of my phone, I might as well post some of it here, since I obviously thought it was interesting and/or amusing enough to document at the time.  Why not let you, Friends, see the nonsense that goes on in my head before it goes through the process of landing here?  Yes, there is a process.  I do actually make an effort here, although I don't know if that makes it better or worse.  Guess that  depends on whether you like reading my blathering or not.

I digress.

Onto the notes.  I'll start with the one that I can actually explain and give you background on, as you sort of know about it already, although you don't know that you know.

1) Ridiculous One Direction Phone Poll:  You already know about this because I did actually write about it here, but then I deleted it later.  I got a phone poll, and it was all about One Direction and Zayn leaving and went on forever, rarely changing topics.  The tl;dr recap:  I felt bad for the dude as he has been under public scrutiny for years and hoped he was okay, I could really not care less about One Direction, I know exactly one of their songs, I don't care if the band breaks up, and I was horrified that the chick giving the poll didn't seem to know who the Beastie Boys are.  (That still irks me.)

"But why delete it?" you might be wondering.  Well, I rarely get get comments actually posted to my blog -- most people respond on Facebook.  That one I actually got an anonymous comment on, explaining how some people were actually really upset about it all, and it hurt their feelings that I was kind of making fun of them -- you get the drift.

My intention here isn't to hurt anyone's feelings or make them feel bad.  Also, I kind of already had a run-in with the insanity that is the 1D fandom on Twitter, and that was more than enough for me.  I watched them perform on Saturday Night Live once, and I posted something on Twitter about it -- I forget my exact words, it was something like, "They weren't as bad as I thought they might be." I was pleasantly surprised, was the gist.  I know I absolutely did NOT tag One Direction in it, and the 1D fans somehow found me anyways.  They were all very nice and polite -- I'm not saying otherwise.  It was a little startling though to suddenly have a shit-ton of attention headed my way, with people recommending YouTube clips of concerts I should watch, thanking me for giving them a chance, telling me how awesome they are, etc.  My point is, I did not need one anonymous person to send out into the fandom that I was in some way making fun of them, ending up with a One Direction shit-storm headed my way.  So I deleted it.

Now onto the other notes that I have no real frame of reference to give you, although some seem pretty clear on their own.

2) "Store -- get weird beers and spiders."  Thankfully, the date-stamp on this one is from October 2013, so I'm guessing Halloween. Not my usual shopping list.   I don't generally buy spider-related anything, as I hate them.  HATE THEM!!

3) "Super long red light.  Is it broken?  Did I unwittingly just participate in a performance art piece on the virtue of patience?"

4) "That moment when the alarm goes off & you wake up & go to put on your glasses but they aren't where you always leave them.  Feeling around blindly, half asleep in the dark & feeling like something would totally reach out from under the bed and grab your hand if this was a horror movie. Stumble blindly to bathroom and jam contacts into bleary eyes.  Try to describe what a pain in the ass it is to someone later, and they say 'Didn't you just look for them?'  Yeah.  If I could f*$king see well enough to look for them then I wouldn't need them in the first place. Just agree that it sucks next time."

5) "12:53 am  The internet tells me that my left ear ringing at this time means that a loved one is thinking about me.  Pretty sure all my loved ones are asleep, unless I have a secret admirer in another time zone.  The internet should tell me to go to sleep & not surf random nonsense at this hour."

6) "Handicap parking vs. bathroom stalls.  Why make parking spots so close, then put stalls all the way at the far end of the bathroom?  Why not put handicap stalls first?  Seems rude."

7) "Rhode Island".  *I really have no idea.

I think we shall end this here.  Consider this the Best of the Notes on My Phone.  The rest is really not worth anyone having to read.  Maybe we will do this again in a few months, kids.  Maybe not.  I don't know how much you really need to know about the thoughts that flitter through my head.