Dear Spectrum

Hi there, Friends!

Long time no see, right? I knew it had been a while since I posted anything here. I didn't realize it had been over a year. That's a little pathetic on my part. I apologize

But guess what? Since we all get to stay at home right now (well, those of us in New York state), I've got some time on my hands. I'm not going to write about COVID-19. Not really. I'm sure we all see and hear enough about it on the news and social media to scare us, freak us out, worry us, and/or depress us on a regular basis. I mention it now only so that future readers, months or years from now, have some frame of reference when they stumble upon this post. Yeah. I'm totally going to pretend like people are going to be intensely interested in my ramblings at some point in the future. Humor me.

No, this is going to be a letter to my cable company. It also has a lot of pictures in it. Fair warning, in case you're on a super slow connection, or watching data limits. Gotta save it for the important things like crushing candy and what not. I understand. But if you're working from home and bored as hell, consider this a nice little break you can take while still being on the computer and looking busy.

Dear Spectrum,

Last night around 6:45 pm, as I was watching television, my cable froze up. The picture froze, couldn't change the channels, nothing. It was a little strange. So I rebooted the cable box. Everything loaded up just fine, picture was working again, all the info loaded. There was just one little problem -- there was no sound on any channels. Weird. I've never seen that happen before.

I double-checked to make sure I hadn't accidentally hit the mute button. I turned it on and off several times to make sure. What if it's my television? I switch over to my Amazon Fire TV. It works just fine, no volume issues. Guess it's not my television.

That made it a little stranger, Spectrum. I have all my services through you -- phone, cable, and WiFi. Clearly the WiFi was working. I called my parents at their house to see if they were having a similar issue, as they also have your fine services. Nope. They had no problems. At least I knew my phone wasn't having any issues.

I tried rebooting the cable box a couple more times, as I thought maybe it just glitched the first time. Nope. Everything loads fine but there is still no volume.

So I went to the MySpectrum app on my phone, and went through the trouble shooting steps there. It restarted again, but still no volume. And that is when I began waiting to talk to someone in support.

Please note the time stamps.

I'm a patient person. I don't mind waiting. I honestly wasn't even sure if anyone would be there working. It's not like I had anywhere to be since we are all supposed to be staying inside here in New York.

I can wait. Not a big deal. I live alone, so it's not like I have kids running around and freaking out because they can't watch television.The internet still worked. I wasn't about to look at anything else on my phone in case it meant I would lose my place in line, but not a big deal. I can keep trying to reboot the cable box, and in between I can watch the Yankees' game from last year on the YES network. I don't really need sound for that. I already know we're going to win.

I kept trying to reboot, and I started reading a book. Books are great.

Have you ever considered like hold music or something?

I still wasn't sure if anyone was actually there. 

Was anyone actually there? And where is support even located? Were there still people working here in New York, like is cable considered an essential service? Was I now in a queue waiting for someone in a different state to help me? What if it's somewhere in California? I'm not entirely sure they would be allowed to be at work there, either.

Progress!

Check that out! It had taken a couple of hours, but I was finally next in line. This is so exciting!

By 11 pm, after many reboots with no solution and waiting for over 3 hours, I decided to give up for the night. I closed out of the app after sending that message. Maybe the problem would magically resolve itself over night.

Spectrum, you probably will not be surprised to find out that it did not, in fact, magically fix itself overnight. Kind of a bummer. So I did what IT at work always advises when technology goes awry. I turned everything off. I mean the router, modem, cable, television. I unplugged everything in the world for several minutes, and then I plugged it all back in and waited for it all to reload. I figured that might be a suggested step anyway, so best to try it beforehand.

It still didn't work, Spectrum. Guess it's back to the support queue on the MySpectrum app to wait. So I open the app and this is what I find:

No way!

I mean, it was the middle of the night. And it was 3 hours after I had been told I was the next person in line, but some lovely person named Danyelle had eventually gotten to me. 

And I missed it.

Thanks for trying, Danyelle. I hope you were at least amused by my previous comments.

I went through the steps and waded back into the wait line. Maybe it would be shorter this early on a Sunday morning. I mean, still not like I have anywhere to go.

Let me list all of the things I have tried one more time

And so I re-entered the wait line. And then I made some coffee, as I was pretty sure this was not going to come to a swift resolution.

Holy cow!

Not going to lie, I was pretty stoked to see I was next in line so quickly. And then I remembered how long it had taken for someone to get to me when I was "next in line" the previous night. I decided to reboot again and drink my coffee.

Ah, familiarity. Feels like we're old friends at this point.

I was not sure anyone was actually reading anything I typed at this point.

Like really not convinced.

And then something exciting happened, Spectrum! As I was sitting there, drinking my coffee (yes, I really do drink a lot of coffee), and trying to keep up on the latest news, I had this beautiful sight on my phone screen:

I love you, Chris! I mean, I don't know you, but I'm so happy to see you!

This is why they say patience is a virtue. I think we can both admit that it was a tad ridiculous for it to have taken over 7 hours total at this point, but I did finally connect with someone.

None of you reading this need my address. Sorry, internet peeps.

And then I reiterated my problem, in case he didn't want to read through all my random comments.

It was all going swimmingly. Things progressed really quickly after that, Spectrum.

Chris was great, Spectrum. He was polite and professional. I assume he was doing everything he could on his end to solve my problem. I mean, nothing happened at all on my end of the situation, but I feel confident he tried his best. He didn't even mention all of the weird comments I had made while waiting.

Alas, Dear Spectrum, we finally came to a problem point.

Um...how do I politely say no to that offer?

That's the best I could come up with

Like I said, it's not that I don't trust you, Spectrum. I just really don't want anyone -- particularly someone I don't know at all -- coming into my home right now. I don't even let my parents into my home at this point, and I don't enter theirs. Stay home and stay safe, as much as possible. I'm more than a little surprised that an appointment was even offered. I can't imagine your techs are overly thrilled to be walking into people's homes, not knowing what they might find inside. I hope they at least have some protective gear.

And so I turned down the offered appointment, and asked Chris to make a note that I would call for service at some point in the future. Maybe the problem will resolve itself before then. Who knows?

I totally believe Chris made the note. I'll never know, but I bet he did.

Don't forget to wash your hands, Chris!

And there you have it, Spectrum. All that time, and no resolution to my problem. I believe Chris tried his best, and he did everything he could. I never got the survey he mentioned, but I wanted you to know I appreciate that he tried.

So I guess I just won't have sound with my television for a while. Maybe it will start working again at some point when I reboot. Maybe the 47th time is the lucky one. Who knows?

Mostly, I really hope that you are making sure your techs have protective equipment if you are sending them out into people's homes right now. Especially here in New York State.

And if my sound starts working again, I'll be sure to let you know. 

Thanks,

Tammy

Like Flypaper for Freaks

Hey, Friends.

It's been a day. It started off with a bit of weirdness, hence the title of this post.

I had plans with my friend, who I always refer to as Gertie to give her some privacy. The plan was to meet at her house, go for a walk, and then go to the movies. Nothing too crazy.

The first hitch in the plan comes about because I can't go my normal way to Gertie's house because there is an Eggnog Crawl / Holiday Festival thing that's causing traffic chaos and closing streets.I have to drive a longer way to get there, but not a big deal.

So I'm sitting in traffic on my way to Gertie's, and I see this woman pull into a little plaza, make a u-turn, and pull out right behind me. Didn't think to much of it, assumed she was lost or something.

I'm driving along, and at the next traffic light I notice she is still behind me. As we are stopped I take a better look and she is waving hello to me. I don't know this woman. I don't recognize her at all, even as a patron who comes to the library. I don't wave back. Maybe she's trying to wave to the person behind her or something.

I keep driving. A while later I'm stopped at another light, and I decide I should really put on some chapstick because my lips feel dry. I look in the rear-view mirror, and the woman behind me is staring right at my car, and she starts clapping after I put the chapstick on. Maybe it's a weird coincidence. Maybe she's just super into whatever she's listening to in her car, or she's on the phone.

We, because she was still behind me for quite a ways and traffic was ridiculous, drive quite a bit before we get to a major intersection. I'm going straight ahead, and the woman pulls into the lane to turn left. Of course, she ends up right next to my car for the longest traffic light.

She starts motioning for me to roll down my window. At this point I'm assuming she is lost and needs directions, or maybe she finally figured out that we don't know each other and she wants to explain her weird behavior.

She definitely wanted to chat, Friends. Allow me to briefly paraphrase our conversation for you.

Woman: Hello!

Me: Hi?

Woman: How are you?

Me: Fine...

Woman: I just wanted to say hi! On the weekends I like to go out and drive around until I see someone interesting, and then I like to follow them.

Friends, I hear a lot of weird shit on a regular basis. I don't know if I just give off a vibe of someone who is willing to listen or what. I work in the public library. There are always some eccentric personalities -- like the lady who wanted to give us apples that "had only been run over a little bit" when she found them in the street, or the gentleman who told me his entire conspiracy theory about the JFK murder, or the astrology lady who desperately wants me to get together with a Virgo man, or the woman who spent an entire book group telling us all how President Obama told her to "look for the bodies hidden in the houses" on a local road. Let's not forget the woman in a parking lot who told me my car was evil and I was a devil child. I'm used to weird. It's a new twist that it is now finding me while I'm driving.

Woman: You're a really good driver.

Me: Thanks?

Woman: What's that song you're listening to? It sounds really nice.

Me: Um, Pull Me Deep by Logan Henderson.

Woman: Oh, I like that. I'm going to have to look it up.

At this point I was really wondering how long this freaking light was going to be. Not gonna lie.

Woman: Well, looks like we're going to get to go! You have a good day. It was so nice to meet you and maybe we'll bump into each other again!

Me: Bye.

And then, finally, the light turned and we parted ways.

So I get to Gertie's house and I'm still trying to figure out what the hell that was all about. So I tell her my little story, and Gertie thinks that the woman was hitting on me.

Excuse me? I mean, it's flattering if that is the case, but I don't swing that way. Why couldn't it be a cute guy chasing me down in traffic to flirt? Love is love is love, and I firmly believe people should embrace it and follow their hearts to whomever makes them happy. I hope this woman finds whatever she is looking for. It just won't be with me. Props to her for coming up with a creative new way to meet people. I think she might just be a bit odd, or maybe very lonely.

When Gertie said we had to stop at a local brewery first to pick up a growler for her husband before we went on with our plans for the day? I was more than ready to have a drink. We got there and the beer he wanted was gone, so we had to try a couple to see what we should get him instead. We are totally going with it being his fault that our plans for the day derailed at that point.

You need to go here if you have a chance. 

We eventually get his growler, and then decided that we should really go get something to eat. The place I suggested wasn't open until later, so we ended up at Melzingah Tap House in Beacon.

I recommend the Downeast Cider Winter Blend. So good!

We finished lunch, and Gertie pointed out that we had never actually gone for our walk. I mentioned that we could walk across the street to look at the waterfall, and wasn't that other brewery she liked also within walking distance? Why yes, yes it was.

I love waterfalls. 

It was cold out, but since we were supposed to have been going for a walk we decided to walk on over to Hudson Valley Brewery and see what the new releases were. We did not plan this terribly well, as Gertie ended up getting 4 four packs of the new releases to take home for her and hubby and we were going to have to carry it all back to the car.

This isn't at the brewery. I just saw it on the walk to get there.

So we walked back to the car. Gertie was bemoaning that we really hadn't walked that far. My thinking might have been a little fuzzy still at that point, but I rationalized it as totally counting as a walk. "It's freaking cold. And we're walking uphill. That makes it count as like four times as far as it really is. Plus, you're carrying all that beer. That's like weight lifting. You're working out your deltoids or trapezoids or something!" (Why yes, I am a bit of a light weight. It's a good thing I wasn't the one driving at that point.)

So then we went back to Gertie's to hang out for a while. I like to think we were amusing to her hubby before he left for work. I got to snuggle with her dogs. I am claiming Maxie as my boyfriend.

He's adorable!

And that was my day, Friends. We never made it to the movies, but it was still a very nice way to spend a Saturday. Time with the bestie is always well spent, even if it ends up in accidental day drinking. It was a long week.

I kind of wonder where the lady in traffic wound up. Does she really spend her time driving around each weekend following people? That's a little strange, and maybe a bit creepy. I would also think that she would encounter some less than pleasant people doing that. Good luck on your travels, lady. Hope you find whatever it is you are seeking.

Coffee Talk

Hey, Friends.

I was running errands on my lunch break today, and I decided I really just wanted coffee and a nice toasty bagel with cream cheese for lunch. It was cold and damp outside and that just seemed like the most perfect lunch I could imagine. Dunkin was calling my name. I decided to just stay and eat it there because: 1) I would have to eat it super fast if I took it home, and 2) I was not about to go back to work that early. I made the right decision! If I had left I would have missed out on hearing this glorious conversation.

I fully admit to people watching. I also admit to people listening...or eavesdropping, which sounds much less nice. I might look like I am ignoring you and messing about doing something on my phone, but odds are pretty good that I'm also paying attention to what is going on around me. The conversation these two guys were having today? I took notes. It was that amusing.

Let me set the scene:

I'm eating my lunch, checking Twitter, and generally minding my own business.  These two guys sit down near by, and start talking. My guess is that the one guy was less than sober, or maybe really hungover and in desperate need of his coffee. At least I hope he was for his sake. What follows is a reconstruction of their conversation as best I could manage from my notes and from memory. It's 100% not verbatim but close enough that I hope you find it as amusing as I did.



Guy 1: Wouldn't it be amazing if you could actually feel what other people are dreaming about you?

Guy 2:  What the hell are you talking about.

Guy 1:  Like, if someone was dreaming about having sex with you right now, you could just be sitting here and suddenly WHAM! Totally feels like you're having sex with some hot chick!

Guy 2:  How do you know it's a hot chick? Do you also get the ability to see who's dreaming about you?

Guy 1:  No man, just the feeling. **wiggles around in chair to make his point**

Guy 2:  So it could be anyone then. It could be a dude, or an old lady, or that goat in the petting zoo that seemed way too fond of you.

Guy 1: It doesn't matter! You get to feel everything, and you can imagine it's whoever you want. It would be like constant bliss. All those dreams and you'd get to feel them all!

Guy 2:  Wow. You think way too highly of yourself. No one is looking at you and constantly wanting to fuck you.

Guy 1:  Shut up!

Guy 2:  I think you're still gonna have plenty of down time where you're not busy with dream sex and can actually do work.

Guy 1:  Fuck you!

Guy 2:  No way. And you clearly haven't thought this through.

Guy 1:  Yes I have! It would be awesome! And you could imagine it's whoever you want and by thinking about them you spread the joy, and eventually everyone feels the love.

Guy 2:  And then what? The world ceases to function? How would anyone ever get shit done, or safely drive a car?

Guy 1:  Well..maybe it only works when you are sleeping. That way everyone could still get shit done during the day.

Guy 2:  So at night you would feel whatever anyone was dreaming about you. That's your final idea?

Guy 1:  Yes. Everyone would have such sweet dreams.

Guy 2:  Not everyone. And I still don't think you really want that to happen.

Guy 1:  Dude, what the hell? Why deny me my dream?

Guy 2:  What about that woman in the movie theater 2 weeks ago?

Guy 1:  What about her?

Guy 2:  You were annoying the hell out of her.

Guy 1:  Nooooo, I was flirting.

Guy 2:  I bet her dream that night involved stabbing you in the eye with the straw from her soda.

Guy 1:  Hahaha. It wasn't that bad. Asshole.

Guy 2:  But if she was, you're saying that you would suddenly wake up in an insane amount of pain, feeling like someone was repeatedly stabbing you in the eye with a straw?

Guy 1:  Yeah. *pause* Well, that might not be good. And why is she stabbing me multiple times now?

Guy 2:  You tend to piss people off. A lot. You'd probably get your ass kicked every night.

Guy 1:  Yeah. *pause* You're such an asshole! Couldn't just let me have my damn sex fantasy dream idea.

Guy 2:  Or I'm saving you from repeatedly getting your ass kicked every night. Forever.

Guy 1:  You're a shitty friend.

Guy 2:  Or the best friend you ever had.

Guy 1:  Shut up. Jerk.

Guy 2:  You're welcome. 


The End.

At least that is the end for us, Friends, because I had to leave to go back to work. They were still there when I left, so who knows where that conversation went after that point.

All in all, today was pretty darn good. Not only did I get to hear this wonderful conversation, but I also got my Girl Scout cookies delivered at work, and I finally won HQ Trivia tonight!  $5.07 winner -- go me!

So, if anyone would like to do something to make tomorrow equally as awesome, be my guest. Let's all try to do something nice for another person and spread a little joy around. I think it will work much better than the dream theory in the conversation above.

Welcome to the Dream Time

Hey there, Friends.

I had a weird dream last night. I just need to write down what I can remember of it before I forget it completely. I figured I might as well share it with all of you. Maybe you can provide some deep insight into the inner workings of my brain, or maybe you'll just feel better about yourself because your dreams aren't as strange as mine. Whatever works for you, kids. This is going to be long, and probably ramble a bit. Just warning you now in case you want to skip this and come back later, or maybe not bother with it at all. Totally up to you.

Let me start by suggesting a tune for you to listen to while you get your read on. I hadn't listened to this in quite a while, but for whatever reason it was the first song that popped into my head when trying to think of a song about dreams. Could I have chosen a different one? Yes. I'm just gonna go with my gut instinct here and share the one that popped to mind first. Feel free to ignore the suggestion if it's not your kind of jam.

Friends, you can totally ignore the fact that it's from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack. That has nothing to do with my dream...at least I don't think it did.

Okay, moving right along to those vague details I do remember before they are gone into the ether forever.

In my dream I was looking for someone. I have no idea who I was looking for now. Guy? Girl? A friend or relative? A random person that I don't actually know? I've got nothing now that I'm awake. I only remember that it was definitely a person I was looking for, not an object, and in my dream it made perfect sense that I was the only one trying to find this person.

I don't think the person I was searching for was actually lost, either. There were all sorts of other people wandering around in my dream and none of them gave a shit or were even the slightest bit concerned that I was looking for this person. They were polite when I asked them if they had seen him/her/whoever, but that was it. It wasn't chaotic like someone had been kidnapped or a child was missing. I've had that moment of panic with my niece and nephew -- when you're in a crowd someplace and you lose sight of them for a few moments and start to freak until you realize they just wandered off a bit and are totally fine. There was none of that in my dream.

It was like the most laid-back search, Friends. I can't really explain the vibe other than to tell you what it was not. There was no sense of urgency. You know that feeling you get when you've misplaced your car keys and you have to leave so you aren't late for something? Like, your keys aren't where you always leave them, and now your wracking your brain trying to remember where else you might have put them and getting frustrated -- like the keys moved on their own just to screw with you? You get annoyed at yourself for misplacing the keys, pissed at the keys for daring to be someplace other than where they are supposed to be, and cranky because now you are going to be late for the stupidest reason ever. None of that. It wasn't even on the level of having misplaced my phone. You know what I mean, Friends. You put your phone down somewhere and don't see it immediately, so you try calling it but you have it on "silent" so now you are stuck calling repeatedly, listening for vibrations and looking for the screen to light up as you wander the house looking. 

Do you ever have something important that you put in a "safe place" for later? Maybe it's a memento with sentimental value, or important paperwork -- like car insurance -- that you might need at some point in the future but not right away, or a present that's perfect for someone but their birthday isn't for several months. I tuck those things away in a "safe place". I know I have them and they are around if and when I need them. It was kind of like that. I knew the person I was looking for was around someplace and perfectly fine. I couldn't find them at the moment, but it was okay because whomever-it-is would turn up eventually. I hope that made sense because it's the closest approximation I can give you. There was no urgency, or panic, or looming time deadline. 

Let's move on to where this was all going down in my dream. It started in a generic downtown area of a city: businesses up and down both sides of the street, cars parked along the curb, people walking around and going about their lives. I don't know where it was supposed to be, but I know it wasn't any place local. I knew there were stores and offices along the street but the names were kind of blurred out. It was a sunny day, and I'm guessing it was Spring or Summer since it seemed to be warm out. No one paid any attention to me unless I asked them if they had seen whomever it was I was looking for. Everyone was very polite. Some of them had no clue who I was talking about, others said they hadn't seen the person recently, and still others said they had to be around somewhere and to keep looking.

I didn't go into any of the businesses or stores along the street. I don't know why. I walked down the street occasionally asking people about the person. Eventually the street came to a dead end with a big stone building in front of me. In the dream I remember deciding that it meant I should go in. I recall thinking that logically the person must be in there since they hadn't been anywhere else. I don't know how that makes any sense since I hadn't bothered to go into any of the other stores or businesses, but that's how dreams work.

I walked inside the building and was greeted by a reception desk. I asked if the person I was looking for was there. The receptionist told me that she didn't think they were in at the moment, but if I wanted to take a seat by the windows she would let me know in a few minutes. I took a seat in a super-comfy black leather chair and started people watching out the window. I don't know how long I sat there waiting, but eventually the receptionist told me to take the elevator to the fifth floor and someone there could help me.

I wandered over to the elevator, which was there waiting, and took it to the fifth floor. The door opened and I walked out onto sand. I was at the beach, I think along the ocean. I walked away from the elevator a bit, turned around and saw that the elevator was gone. This didn't phase me in the slightest. I assumed it meant the person I was looking for was around there. There were a few people walking along the dunes, others jogging along the water's edge. I walked down toward the water and headed to the right. It was definitely later in the day -- not quite sunset, but late afternoon or early evening. I don't know where the beach was supposed to be, but wherever it was the weather was warm. There was a guy jogging along the water in shorts, no shirt, with this earbuds in and wearing sunglasses. Black shorts with white stripes down the side. I didn't recognize him and didn't talk to him so I don't know why that detail stuck in my head. I ambled along the edge of the water, thinking how nice the warm breeze felt on my skin, looking for seashells and meandering my way down the beach. 

I saw an older couple walking toward me up the beach with their little dog. I stopped to pet the dog and asked the couple if they had seen the person I was looking for. They were very nice and told me they hadn't seen the person recently, but I should be sure to check out the beautiful grotto a bit further down the beach. They said it would make the whole trip worthwhile even if I didn't find the person I was looking for in this location. I thanked them and decided that I was going to head for the grotto and check it out. Maybe I'd find the person on the way there.

I kept walking, and eventually the beach curved and there was a rocky outcrop in my path. I remember being a bit confused that I hadn't noticed  that the beach came to an end earlier on - like this had sort of just appeared out of nowhere. I decided that I must have walked further than I thought and been too absorbed in enjoying the beauty around me to have noticed it. I figured that the grotto the couple had told me about must be on the other side of the rocks and proceeded to climb over them. 

The grotto was on the other side, kind of in its own secluded little inlet. I remember thinking that the couple had been right -- it was beautiful and totally worth the walk to get there. The stones were all shades of a sandy brownish color, some darker and some lighter.  There were some shaped like arches and some like separate spikes of piled up stones. I remember wishing I had my phone with me so I could take a picture of it. I wandered around for a bit exploring, touching the stones and feeling how warm they were from the heat of the sun on them all day. Eventually I realized there was a tall but shallow cave up on the beach. It seemed to line up and have a perfect view out over the water looking through one of the stone archways. Since it was getting even later in the day and I was really hot from walking so much in the sun, I decided to check out the cave. I sat myself down in the mouth of the cave and decided that I'd just rest for a bit, maybe stay long enough to watch the sunset over the ocean through the arch because it would be a pretty spectacular sight. I closed my eyes for a bit, just listening to the waves crash on the beach, feeling the last rays of the sun warm on my face, and enjoying the breeze.

I wasn't kidding when I said there was no sense of urgency in my search for this person, Friends. I seemed to have no problem deciding that I would just chill for a while on the beach.

Again, I'm not sure how long it was in dream-time that I was sitting in the cave. When I opened my eyes again it was much later and I had missed the sunset completely. It was twilight now, and I realized I could hear what sounded like running water and not waves on the beach.  

I walked out of the cave wondering how I was going to manage to climb back over the rocks in the dark only to discover that I was no longer at the beach. I left the cave and was now in a forest alongside a babbling brook. There was a dirt path that ran from the cave and along the edge of the brook. And there were fireflies everywhere. Tons of them! Even though it was getting dark I could see well enough to know that it was a very green, lush forest. It was peaceful and serene, almost like something from a movie as it seemed a little too perfect. There was no sense of danger, like a wild animal lurking nearby or anything. It was like someone's version of a forest idyll...which I guess would make it mine, since it was my dream.

I hung around watching the fireflies for a bit, and then I started walking down the dirt path. I didn't know where I was headed, but clearly the person I was searching for wasn't around. Hopefully I would bump into someone along the path, or find a clue about where I should be heading.

I walked on for a bit, the path seeming to get wider and more heavily traveled. I still hadn't come across anyone else but I wasn't worried about it. It didn't seem to be getting any darker out -- it was still the same purpley-blue-black of twilight, and everything had kind of an ethereal greenish glow from the light of the fireflies reflecting off of the brook and the leaves of all of the vegetation. I had time before I had to worry about finding a place to sleep for the night.

Eventually I came to a fork in the road, and there was an old wooden signpost with arrows pointing in each direction. How cliche of me. The brook and the more heavily traveled path curved off to the right and I could hear voices off in the distance. Maybe a town of some sort was over there? The path to the left was much narrower, more like a footpath. I don't think there was anything written on the arrows like a destination point or distance, or it was too faded to read. I decided to go to the left because the person I was searching for values their privacy and wouldn't want people in the town to know they were around unless they wanted to be seen. 

What the hell. That makes no sense whatsoever thinking about it now. How in the world was I ever supposed to find someone who didn't like to be seen unless they wanted to be? 

Back to the dream...

I headed down the trail to the left. I had magically acquired a lantern on a chain at some point as my firefly friends had gone along the brook in the other direction. So now I'm walking along carrying one of these:

The lantern gave off plenty of light to be able to navigate the trail, and there were little glowing purple flowers around the base of some of the trees.

I walked on for a while before the trail eventually opened up into a giant meadow. The grass was very tall - almost up to my waist - and was swaying gently in the breeze. It was surrounded on all sides by the forest, but there were several openings in the trees around the edges which I knew had to be more trails heading in different directions. I was glad I had on my hoodie because it was a bit chilly now. Yeah. At some point I had acquired a hoodie, and I also noted that my lantern was now gone. When it had disappeared I wasn't sure, but I didn't need it as there were so many stars in the sky lighting up the meadow. I don't know if it was a full moon or not as I didn't see the moon in the sky at all. 

I looked around, trying to figure out which trail I was supposed to take next. There was a shape out in the distance, off to the right toward the other side of the meadow. I couldn't tell if it was a person or a statue, but I needed to find out what it was. I headed over, wading my way through the tall grass.

It was a statue of a person. It was grey, or at least it appeared grey in the night. It was old and weathered so the features were indistinct. It was definitely a person with short hair, or the hair had been weathered enough that it blended into the rest of the statue. It was standing there, one hand hanging loose down by its side, the other pointed up and out as if in the direction of something over the tree line, and the head was tilted back as if it was looking up toward the sky. 

I circled around it a few times, trying to figure out if I was supposed to be noticing something above  the tree line. I couldn't see anything and was debating whether I should attempt to climb up and stand on the pedestal with the statue when I saw something white in one of the hands. It was a crumpled piece of paper that had been stuck into the space to rest in the hand. When I unfolded the paper it turned out to be a note. It said, "You're on the right track. Remember -- you never know who is watching or the influence you may have on others." I knew it was from the person I was searching for, and without looking around any further I decided to head off in the direction that the statue was pointing. There appeared to be a break in the trees there, so there must be a trail.

And then I woke up, Friends. That's all there is to it. I wish I could give you a better ending, some sort of resolution after reading all of that. I wish I could give myself some resolution. I didn't find the person I was looking for but seemed perfectly content to keep going.

I tried looking at some dream interpretation websites, but I didn't get much that was very helpful. A lot of it was about searching for lost or missing things or objects in your dreams. I wasn't looking for a thing, I was looking for a person. Also, they weren't actually missing.  They just weren't where I was looking, but it wasn't that I had lost them or he/she had been taken away.

One very popular theory is that it is anxiety manifesting about something in your life. I can't stress enough how laid back and peaceful this entire thing was. There was no anxiety, or panic, or worry involved at all. I don't think it applies in this scenario. 

Another popular interpretation is that it means you are missing that "special someone" in your life because they are away and you haven't seen them in a while, or you regret a recent breakup. I have a couple of reasons why I don't think this applies: 

1. I am very single. I don't have a "special someone" to be missing, nor do I have a recent breakup to be hung up on.
2. I should hope that -- whether it was an ex-boyfriend or a family member or friend -- I would remember who the hell I was dreaming about if it was really that important to me.

The third most common answer was that you are searching for the person because you idolize them and wish you could incorporate certain aspects you admire about them into your own life. That might well be true. I have no idea why I wanted to find this person. Also, it's hard to figure out what characteristics I might appreciate when I don't know who the mystery person was.

I didn't really get any helpful information is the point of all that.

This is what I'm taking away from it all:

--I need to stop eating bananas any time remotely near when I am going to bed. I know that kind of came out of nowhere, Friends. It's true though. Maybe it's just me, but if I eat a banana a couple of hours before going to bed I tend to end up with some strange dreams. I had a banana around 9 pm last night, went to bed a little after midnight, and wound up with this mess.

--I really hope there was a point to all this and it wasn't some banana-induced vision quest to give myself a pep talk via a note in the hand of a statue. And while we're on the subject of the note, that shit is a little creepy now that I think about it. You never know who is watching you? How the hell was my dream-self total cool with that and didn't even look around to see if anyone was watching?

--I really would like to know who the person was that I was trying to find. Is this supposed to be a deep moment, like "The person you are trying to find is yourself"? Is it some kind of message that I need to check in with a friend or family member because they miss me, or are going through a rough patch and could use a friend? I would love to do so, if only I knew who it was. Honestly, with my luck it wouldn't surprise me if I find an interpretation claiming it was a message from my soulmate or something, and I just screwed it all up and remain clueless because I cannot remember who he was.

Let me know if you have thoughts on the matter, Friends. At least let me know about the banana thing even if you don't want to weigh in on the rest of it. If you actually read this whole rambling, convoluted mess then give yourself a virtual hug from me. Thanks for reading my babbling and wasting precious minutes of your life on my nonsense. I really appreciate it. 💗

**I'm sorry if this is a hot mess, or gets a little confused at points. I did read it over several times to try to make it somewhat coherent. There was a good 10 hour gap between when I started writing this all down this morning and when I finished it tonight. The first half was written when it was all still fresh in my mind immediately after waking up, and the second half was based off hurriedly scribbled notes I made before going to work. A lot of it kind of faded from my mind over the course of the work day. Maybe tonight my dream will pick up right where it left off. Who knows? I am out of bananas though, so I doubt it will happen.**

Will This Make Up For Being Away So Long?

Hey, Friends.

I'm a horrible, horrible person.  I just realized that it's been well over a month since I last posted anything here.  If anyone still bothers to check in here -- I'm so sorry.  I have lots of excuses for why I've been away so long.

-- Work has been super crazy, and I was just exhausted most days.  I don't want to write things here that will bore you all to tears, so for lack of anything amusing and/or interesting to say I just opted to stay silent.

-- It was my birthday back on May 16th, so I was busy being social.

-- My Grandpa passed away a couple days later.  (That would be the valid excuse I mentioned.) Compound that with everything going on in the news and the world feeling like it was going to hell in a hand basket most of the time?  I was not feeling the urge to write.

-- Then it was suddenly already Memorial Day and my Mom's birthday.....

And now here we are.  It's already June and it feels like the time went by so fast.

How can I make up for my absence, Friends?  I mean...I assume you might have missed me...maybe just a little bit.  I'm going to pretend that you did.  Odds are greater that you had so much going on in your own lives that you didn't even notice. That's cool.  I can't say shit about it since I wasn't around either.

So let's make up for lost time by climbing inside my psyche and trying to interpret my latest weird dream.  For those of you that have been reading here a while, you might remember some of my other messed up dreams:  like this one involving licorice, or the the one about a picnic on a mountain top, or the one about avocados and making guacamole.

I'm not expecting you to go back and read all of those -- you know, unless you really have nothing better to do, or you are just incredibly bored, or finish this whole thing and find yourself weirdly intrigued by whatever my crazy dreams reveal and want to go further down the rabbit hole.  That being said, I'm pretty sure Avocado Dream Guy made a reappearance in this last dream, so that might be helpful if only for reference.

Okay, enough dawdling.

For our new Friends here who haven't had the chance to read any of the previous entries, a little background:

• I rarely remember my dreams after waking up.  I'm sure I have them, but I couldn't tell you anything about them.
• When I do remember anything it's usually just small pieces, or a feeling. We aren't ever going to have a lot of material to work with is my point, kids.
• I rely on Google for my dream interpretation.  They pretty much already own my soul, so any added weirdness in my search history based on a dream is just a drop in the bucket at this point.

On to the dream:

I was riding in a car with a guy.  The guy was driving and I was in the passenger seat.  I have no idea where we were or if we even had a destination in mind.  Once again, I could not see the face of the guy, but in the dream it didn't matter because I knew who he was.  He was taller than me, dark hair. I'm pretty sure it was Avocado Dream Guy -- it was definitely a similar vibe.  The interior of the car was black, and it was super comfy.  The only thing that could be seen from any of the windows was bright blue sky and puffy white clouds. There was no road visible, nor any other traffic.  I know we weren't in a plane because it was clearly the interior of a car, and he was driving it. We were just driving along and talking.  I can't even recall what we were talking about -- not one single thing.  I do remember feeling relaxed and happy during our conversation, but  I also had this kind of nervous, giddy, butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling.  It was a strange combination. How to explain?  It was like he was someone incredibly important, or with a really hectic schedule, and it just seemed unbelievable that he would choose to spend that much time and focus that much attention just on me.  It was odd.  It wasn't surprising, since we already knew each other and were friends, but somehow still kind of amazing that I was getting that much of his time to myself.

And then I woke up.  My first thought was, "It was nice to see him again."  WTF?!  That's why I think it was Avocado Dream Guy, because how can it be nice to see someone again when I don't know who the hell he is in the first place?

Are you ready to try and sort out this mess of a dream?  Fantastic.

Let's start with Mr. Blurry Face.  For those of you who still haven't bothered to click the link above and read about that dream, let me copy and paste the relevant info for you.

"Alrighty.  So maybe Mr. Blurry Face With the Dark Hair has some answers.  Let's Google that shit.

Unsurprisingly, the most popular answer is that it is someone I don't know.  Second most popular is that it really is someone I know, and I should not trust him.  My subconscious is trying to tell me I am being deceived.  Heartwarming."

I tried looking up dreams about cars, but apparently the color and or the type of car could make a difference.  I don't have either of those pieces of information.  All I know about the car is that the interior was black.  I'm not going to waste time looking up the importance of the color black.  Black happens to be one of my favorite colors, and the interior of my own car is a dark grayish-black.  I'm just going to chalk it up to familiarity.

The fact that I was the passenger got a ton of results...some of which were not so happy, and many of which were completely inapplicable.  

-- There were no other passengers, so we're going to ignore all of those results.  In fact, I don't even recall if there were seats in the back.  

-- It was definitely a car, so ignoring everything about trains, planes, etc.

-- We didn't crash, or speed wildly out of control.  Cross those off the list.

I'll spare you the rest of the weeding process.  Here are the points that seemed to come up time and again. Anything quoted in blue is the wisdom I obtained from a dream interpretation website.

"1. Leaving control, direction and drive to others, to relin­quish power (note mode of transportation). 2. Success is on the way (depending on mode of transportation). 3. Domestic dis­agreements."

Well, that's an incredible amount of options.  Also, nowhere did that website give a list of transportation options. Although another entry on the same page said it could mean I am dissatisfied. Apparently with life in general as no other details were given.  <-- This should be in black.  Blogger is being a pain in the ass and no matter how many times I correct this it keeps reverting to blue.

"To dream that someone else is driving you represents your dependence on the driver. You are not in control of your life and following the goals of others instead of your own."

That might make sense if I knew who the driver was.  I don't know how I can be dependent on Mr. Blurry Face when I don't know who the hell he is. And a big no to the second part. Nobody sets my goals in life but me.  

" If you dream that you are a passenger in a mode of transportation (car, train, boat, airplane), this indicates a feeling of ineffectiveness at reaching your goals. You feel that you need someone else to take you to your goals, because you cannot accomplish them yourself. It also signifies a loss of control of your life, as someone else is in charge of the ultimate destination of the vehicle."

Not exactly happy and uplifting stuff here, Friends.  I feel the need to declare here that I'm pretty damn happy with my life.  I'm not in the middle of an existential crisis. Promise.  I'm pretty sure my life is not spiraling wildly out of control.

"Positive changes are afoot if…

• You found that you liked being the passenger."

I did!  I had a really enjoyable time being the passenger. This wasn't a bad dream by any stretch of the imagination, and it didn't leave me feeling all tense and worried about my life being an utter disaster. This was the only result I found that had a good interpretation of being a passenger.

Maybe the clouds and blue sky have some answers.

-- Fleecy clouds apparently mean joy, delight, and pleasure.

-- Sunny or white clouds symbolize serenity and positive thinking

-- Bright, fluffy clouds apparently indicate aspirations that can be attained.  They imply happiness and success in romance.

I'm out of possible ideas to look up a this point.  I've also dealt with more pop-up ads than I thought possible while looking up all of these websites, which is why I'm not linking to them.  No one needs to deal with that aggravation.

So what did we learn today, Friends?

1) Mr. Blurry Face is back, and I still don't know who the hell he is.  

2) I'm apparently totally cool with someone else being charge and driving to whatever goal there is.

3) I promise I'm not depressed, I'm not agonizing over some goal I cannot reach, and I don't believe the world is crumbling around me.

4)  I find it odd that this is the first dream I can remember in a long time, and the really weird part is that it didn't involve food in some way.

In conclusion, my interpretation of all of this mess is really pretty simple:

I am very, very single.  Like I shouldn't be that freaking thrilled that Mr. Blurry Face wanted to pay attention to me in my own damn dream.  (And I find it kind of frustrating that I still don't know who the hell he is, is I'm being totally honest.)

So does this make up for ignoring you for so long, Friends?  I'm really sorry.  You'll forgive me though, right?  

Avocados? Really?

Hey, Friends.

Did you ever find yourself ripped out of what seemed to be a very nice dream by the obnoxious beeping of your alarm clock?  That's how I started my day yesterday.  Now, before your minds go straight to the gutter, it wasn't that type of nice dream.  It was more that I woke up feeling relaxed and as if all was right in my little corner of the world, and just a tiny bit pissed off with my alarm for waking me up.

I'm sure you don't recall, but as we previously covered in my weird licorice dream, I don't normally remember anything about my dreams, so when I do it is super exciting to me.  Buckle in, kids, while we take a little wander through my dream.  It'll be like a group project where we all interpret the strange realms of my sleeping brain.  What -- that doesn't sound like a fun time to you?  Feel free to go find your own fun in a place that is elsewhere.

Okay, Friends:  to be fair, I only remember the tiniest smidgen of the dream from right before the alarm went off.  We don't have a whole lot of material to work with, is my point.  Although, oddly, it does involve food once again.

Begin dream sequence....if this was a movie, there would be special effects here.....

I was in a kitchen -- a very nice kitchen which clearly was not my own.  There was a big, white island in the middle of the kitchen.  Think of the way kitchens look on HGTV  if you need a mental image.  I was standing at the island with a guy that, in my dream, I apparently was friends with although I couldn't see his face.  His face was all blurry, like when they try to disguise someone's identity on a tv show.  I could tell he had dark hair, and was taller than me. We were both wearing black v-neck t-shirts, and I could see up as far as his neck before the blurriness started.  Made perfect sense to have matching outfits in the dream.

What were we doing at the kitchen island?  Cutting up avocados to make guacamole, and giving each other a hard time about doing it the wrong way.  That quickly turned into a friendly disagreement about who had the best -- and therefore correct -- way to make guacamole.  These weren't serious arguments.  We were joking around and teasing each other.  The very last thing I remember before my alarm went off was thinking he was about to playfully smoosh avocado on the end of my nose for some comment I had made about his guacamole-making skills, or lack thereof.

Fade back to reality as dream sequence ends....

Yeah.  I told you I didn't remember very much about it.

My first thought, after being slightly pissed off at my alarm clock, was that I was still in a pretty good mood.  I was highly amused by the antics I could remember from my dream.  As I dragged myself from bed and started to assemble the all-important coffee, I decided I would have to Google some things when I was a little more with it.  Even to my pre-coffee brain that seemed like an odd dream to have because:

1) I have never actually been in a kitchen that looked like the one in my dream. I should maybe not watch HGTV right before going to bed.

2) Avocados?  Guacamole?  Where the hell was I pulling such random choices from?  I love avocados, don't get me wrong, but I've literally made guacamole maybe twice in my life. I had to use a recipe both times.  I normally buy that shit at the store.  I was also unaware that I had opinions on guacamole and how best to process an avocado.

3) I'm cooking in my dreams.  I'm not a terribly good cook when I'm awake.  Oh, I love to bake, but cooking actual meals is not my strong point.

Before I had a chance to Google anything, I was chatting to a friend about my weird avocado-guacamole dream.  She had some thoughts, but not a great deal of insight to offer.  We'll cover those first.

--Maybe I was just really craving avocados, or have some sort of vitamin deficiency that my body wants me to fill.  Maybe, but that's not a fun answer.

--Who was the guy?  You should find him!  I don't know, and it would be terribly hard to find someone whose face was blurred out.  If you can figure out how to do that Friends, let me know!

--I should Google the significance of black, since we were both wearing it in the dream.  It was probably a bad omen, like something horrible is going to happen in a kitchen.  No.  Just, no.  I happen to love the color black, which she knows.  (Followed closely by green, for those interested.)  It's elegant, simple, and a tad mysterious.  It's also incredibly practical as black matches everything.  A large portion of my wardrobe consists of black clothing.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that the shirt I was wearing in my dream was the same one that I had worn to work on Thursday.  Sorry Friends.I'm just going with the fact that I love the color black, not doing research on it.

Maybe it really was something as simple as me craving avocado, or wanting to make guacamole.  I don't know.  I decided to hit up Google anyway since it seemed pretty random.  I decided to start with the part I thought would be more likely to have a result -- that I was cooking in my dream.

Cooking, as it turns out, is a pretty good thing to dream about.  I checked a few different places to compare the answers. (Why yes, I am kind of a nerd!)  To try and keep it brief, it can symbolize creativity.  It can also mean new opportunities, security, or wanting to make people happy.  Works for me!  If you've had a dream about cooking yourself, or are just really interested in this, this page pretty much covers it all.

Now, moving on to the avocado part of it.  This is where it gets a little interesting, Friends.

I honestly kind of expected Google to give me results that politely told me that I was being stupid and wasting my time. I clicked on the first link expecting to see a page that said something like, "Seeing an avocado in your dream symbolizes nothing.  It's a fucking avocado.  Go buy one at the store and get over it."

Yeah.  That's not even remotely what I got.  Apparently avocados can mean a lot or things.  Who knew?

"To see or eat an avocado in your dream symbolizes lust, sexuality, fertility, potential, and continuity of life. Alternatively, an avocado symbolizes richness and indulgence."

From this page, right here.

"Avocado is one of the essential ingredients for a healthier skin. Thus, sometimes these dreams give us signs about our health conditions. For instance, to see a fresh thick avocado in dream means that you will enjoy good health. Fruits, especially avocado also relate our sexual desires. Avocados are also a source of energy and thus to see a fresh avocado in dream is a sign of positive energy. A ripened avocado in leaves is also a very good sign. It indicates prosperity and good luck. Feel happy about this dream as there is some good news around. "

From: this age, although I did fix some spacing issues.

WTF.  So, apparently I want to jump Mr. Blurry Face With the Dark Hair.  And here I didn't think it was that kind of a dream.  Moving right along...

The next website just generally confused the hell out of me.  Apparently the avocados could mean that: I felt great, felt secure, no worries, lots of people that support me, and I'm not jealous.  However, it could also mean that I'm abusing all of the people who support and love me, that I have enemies who I am being too nice to and will use that fact against me, and that I am jealous and want to destroy people.  I'm not even going to link to it because it was a hot mess.

This last one might be my favorite because it is short, sweet, and to the point.

"Relates to harmony and peace."

From: this page.

I weeded out a lot of flotsam there, Friends.  Total shit websites that try to hijack your browser, or have a shit-ton of pop-up ads.  Then there was the totally inapplicable meanings like, "A proposal is on the way!" Yeah.  Seeing as I'm single I don't think that is terribly likely. I think my favorite bit of silliness was that it could symbolize the 1970s because avocado was a popular color during that time period.

Alrighty.  So maybe Mr. Blurry Face With the Dark Hair has some answers.  Let's Google that shit.

Unsurprisingly, the most popular answer is that it is someone I don't know.  Second most popular is that it really is someone I know, and I should not trust him.  My subconscious is trying to tell me I am being deceived.  Heartwarming.

What have we learned today, Friends?  Beyond the fact that I have odd dreams, I mean.

1) Avocados are way more sexually charged than I ever gave them credit for.

2) I think I'm going to be relaxed, really creative, and lucky?  I'm trying to combine the cooking and avocados on that one.

3) Someone I know could be trying to deceive me, oh happy day.

For what it's worth, I take none of this seriously.  Everyone can interpret things the way they want.

Personally, I'm going to choose the good vibes and hope it means that I am going to meet Mr. Blurry Face With the Dark Hair, who apparently also likes the color black.  We are going to make sexually-charged guacamole, and it will be awesome!