Sunday, January 31, 2016

It's Written in the Stars...

Hey, Friends.

So, I had a really.....odd, I guess would be the best word, interaction with a patron earlier this week. I'm going to try and recount it as best I can, but I'm not sure the level of strange-ness is really going to come across.

I'd also like to preface this with the fact that I have pretty much zero knowledge of the zodiac or astrology -- nothing beyond reading my own horoscope some times. We're talking shits-and-giggles levels of seriousness, Friends.

On with our story!

A patron came up to the desk to return her books and make sure everything was back. I had never seen this patron before, but she seemed nice.  I like to be friendly, so when I saw she had a large pile of books about Astrology I asked if she was doing a research project or the like.  Her eyes lit up, and she started telling me that it's not a research project for a paper, but her work.  This is, apparently, what she does and has been doing for over 20 years.  She said she is constantly reading and doing research on everything "in the field", and she likes to use the library first to decide if any books are essential for her to buy for her own collection.

Friends, you know how people can get really intense when they are truly jazzed about something? It's like they are so passionate about it that they are bursting with joy and just want to bring you into it with them, to share the Awesome-ness that they have found?  By asking that one question I was now apparently a passenger on the train to Astrology Town.

The next thing I know she is asking me if I know my zodiac sign.  Well I actually do know that, so I tell her that I am a Taurus.  I don't know that her reaction would have differed any no matter what sign I had said, but she acted like I had just given her the best gift ever, or the key to unlocking the mysteries of the universe or something.

"Oohhh, the Bull!  You are an interesting one!  Do you mind if we talk for a little?"

Um, okay?  What am I supposed to say to that?  I don't want to be rude, she seems really excited about this, and why not. Maybe she'll give me some deep unknown insight into myself, or at least it will be amusing to recount later.  (I'm always thinking of you, Friends!)

She told me that I'm complex, and one of the more interesting signs in that I am "fixed", and other signs kind of "crash like waves against the fixed signs".  Alright.  I was trying to understand, so I asked if that meant I was like the giant boulder of the zodiac and she just laughed.  And then she said yes.

Great.  I'm a big zodiac rock.  So far none of this is sounding like a good thing.

She continues to tell me that being a Taurus makes me one of the most attractive signs in the zodiac. Ha! Okay. I'm amused now. I can't wait to hear the explanation for that statement.

Apparently my being a giant boulder means that I am constant, dependable, loyal, steadfast and that radiates security to others -- "security in yourself and your place in the world" I believe was the phrase -- and that is a very attractive feature to both friends and lovers who crave stability and security.  It also means I can be incredibly stubborn. (I'll admit that is accurate.) She said it wasn't stubborn just to be right, but "because you honestly believe your option is the best and everyone will be better protected if they listen to your advice."  I think maybe she was sugar-coating it a bit to make it sound better, but I'll take it.

And then she asked if I had any siblings, and did I know their sign.

Yup.  I have a brother.  His birthday is on Halloween so he's a Scorpio.  That is, quite literally, all of the zodiac signs that I know where they fall in the course of the year.

Friends, thank all that is holy my brother lives far away!  She got so riled up that his birthday was on Halloween and he was a Scorpio.  Apparently he's on "the cusp between worlds" or some shit and people born from October 30th to November 3rd have extra super-cool things going on. She was bummed when I told her he didn't live locally, like I think she literally wanted me to drag him in so she could talk to him.

Being a Scorpio makes my brother a giant boulder also, it seems.  He's another "fixed" sign.  She said we were really lucky, as apparently it could be "a very volatile pairing", and we would either get along incredibly well or drive each other crazy and be at each other's throats constantly.  She also said that since we could get along with each other so well we could probably get along with just about any sign, and had "innate flexibility" in dealing with others.  Kind of seems at odds with the whole stubborn rock idea to me, but whatever.

Friends, next is the part where she got all kinds of excited and I got super awkward, cause that's how I roll.

Patron:  What's your husband's sign?
Me: I'm not married.
Patron: Well, what's your boyfriend's sign then?  I know you must have a special someone.
Me: Nope.  No boyfriend.
Patron: Oh..a girlfriend then?
Me: No, it wasn't a question of gender preference.  You were right the first time -- I like guys.  I'm just single is all.
Patron: I'm so sorry, Dear!  I didn't mean to imply anything.
Me: It's fine.  You don't need to apologize.  You didn't insult me.  People  love who they love, there's nothing wrong with that.
Patron: See, that's what I mean about being attractive to all the signs!  You should not be single!

I would be amazed if I wasn't blushing the color of a tomato when she went on her next little rant. Like a whispered rant, which I get that she was trying to be quiet in the library and have privacy, but it kind of made it even more intimate and awkward.

As a Taurus, my "ruling planet" is apparently Venus.  She said that I am "naturally sultry and sensual" and that "draws people to you like a moth to a flame".  I had to bite back a laugh at that, and she just stared at me like I was crazy and told me that it was very obvious to everyone else, even if I didn't see it myself.  She also said that Taurus is the most erotic sign in the zodiac, and "any lover you have will go weak in the knees and do anything for you", and that past lovers will never really get over you.  This was so not a conversation I wanted to be having at the circulation desk with a stranger.  I would have been happy for a sinkhole to open under my feet at that moment and suck me in.  And then she went off on a tangent about how it wasn't about the sex, although that would be exquisite, but that it was the "spiritual connection, the physical level of love and trust" and I pretty much thought I was going to die if anyone overheard this conversation. Oh!  And I also have an "inner bad girl" that makes me just that more alluring.

Then she straightened up a bit, as she had been leaning over to whisper all of this like we were plotting a conspiracy of some sort, and said that is why she couldn't believe I was single. Was I sure I didn't have a boyfriend I just wasn't telling her about?  Fantastic. Now I can add being some kind of screwed-up zodiac anomaly to my "List of Things to Ponder When Feeling Like a Lonely Loser".

I just wanted out of this conversation at that point, and confirmed that I did not have a secret boyfriend.  She shook her head and said she didn't understand what was wrong with the men.  That maybe they were intimidated.  I know I gave her a look at that one, as intimidating is about the last thing I would consider myself.  She wasn't done though.  "No, you're very striking.  Obviously intelligent and open, confident but humble.  You're sex appeal is just a bonus from the stars.  I can easily see why men would be intimidated by you.  But that's okay -- you don't want anyone who is that restless anyways," and then she patted my hand like she was comforting me and letting me in on a secret.

I thought we were finally, blessedly, done at that point...but no.

She announced, with way more excitement than necessary, that I needed a Virgo.

What the hell does that mean?

Patron:  A Virgo!  Do you know any?
Me: Uh....maybe?  I don't know.  Is that someone whose birthday is in March?
Patron: *laughing like I just told her the funniest joke in the world* No, Dear!  Not March.  You need to do a little research on the zodiac.  A Virgo would be absolutely perfect for you.
Me: Okay?
Patron: Any Earth or Water sign really...

I was lost at that point, and it must have shown.  And she was staring -- like she was doing some sort of inspection and deep contemplation on me.  It was a little unsettling, no lie.

Patron:  Virgo would be the best, definitely.  There are other top contenders: Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces, Capricorn...maybe even another Taurus, but that could be a fiery disaster as well.
Me: Okay?  That's good to know, I guess.
Patron: Just think about it.  It's written in the stars!  It's not all just a bunch of hokum, you know.
Me:  I'm sure it's not.

Then she slapped the desk and turned to leave, telling me to keep a look out for a Virgo....and she would as well. is this my life?  Seriously.  I should never have asked her about the damn books.

Being the geek that I am, I did actually look stuff up when I got home -- mainly to see if this woman was just completely off her rocker.  Thanks to Google and several websites, it seems like she really did know what she was talking about as it relates to astrology....well, she seemed to agree with what the websites were saying at any rate.  At least I know my new astrological acquaintance seems to be competent and wasn't just making stuff up -- she really believes in it.  It is not, however, going to be the basis on which I decide who to date.  I know there are people who believe there is a mystical truth to be interpreted from the stars and all, but I'm not in that group. I'm going to stick with getting to know a person and go from there. Worrying about potential zodiac compatibility is not on the list of priorities, sorry.

And now I feel the need to apologize to all the Virgos out there.

Your birthday isn't in March.  I know that now.  Your birthday would be in August or September. My bad.  I don't know any of this stuff, and I don't know why I randomly assumed it was in March.

And I would most especially like to apologize to all the Virgo men in the area. Honestly, I'm a little worried that this lady is now out there on the loose trying to play zodiac matchmaker on my behalf.

I'm really, really hoping she is not doing that.

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