Coffee Talk

Hey, Friends.

I was running errands on my lunch break today, and I decided I really just wanted coffee and a nice toasty bagel with cream cheese for lunch. It was cold and damp outside and that just seemed like the most perfect lunch I could imagine. Dunkin was calling my name. I decided to just stay and eat it there because: 1) I would have to eat it super fast if I took it home, and 2) I was not about to go back to work that early. I made the right decision! If I had left I would have missed out on hearing this glorious conversation.

I fully admit to people watching. I also admit to people listening...or eavesdropping, which sounds much less nice. I might look like I am ignoring you and messing about doing something on my phone, but odds are pretty good that I'm also paying attention to what is going on around me. The conversation these two guys were having today? I took notes. It was that amusing.

Let me set the scene:

I'm eating my lunch, checking Twitter, and generally minding my own business.  These two guys sit down near by, and start talking. My guess is that the one guy was less than sober, or maybe really hungover and in desperate need of his coffee. At least I hope he was for his sake. What follows is a reconstruction of their conversation as best I could manage from my notes and from memory. It's 100% not verbatim but close enough that I hope you find it as amusing as I did.



Guy 1: Wouldn't it be amazing if you could actually feel what other people are dreaming about you?

Guy 2:  What the hell are you talking about.

Guy 1:  Like, if someone was dreaming about having sex with you right now, you could just be sitting here and suddenly WHAM! Totally feels like you're having sex with some hot chick!

Guy 2:  How do you know it's a hot chick? Do you also get the ability to see who's dreaming about you?

Guy 1:  No man, just the feeling. **wiggles around in chair to make his point**

Guy 2:  So it could be anyone then. It could be a dude, or an old lady, or that goat in the petting zoo that seemed way too fond of you.

Guy 1: It doesn't matter! You get to feel everything, and you can imagine it's whoever you want. It would be like constant bliss. All those dreams and you'd get to feel them all!

Guy 2:  Wow. You think way too highly of yourself. No one is looking at you and constantly wanting to fuck you.

Guy 1:  Shut up!

Guy 2:  I think you're still gonna have plenty of down time where you're not busy with dream sex and can actually do work.

Guy 1:  Fuck you!

Guy 2:  No way. And you clearly haven't thought this through.

Guy 1:  Yes I have! It would be awesome! And you could imagine it's whoever you want and by thinking about them you spread the joy, and eventually everyone feels the love.

Guy 2:  And then what? The world ceases to function? How would anyone ever get shit done, or safely drive a car?

Guy 1:  Well..maybe it only works when you are sleeping. That way everyone could still get shit done during the day.

Guy 2:  So at night you would feel whatever anyone was dreaming about you. That's your final idea?

Guy 1:  Yes. Everyone would have such sweet dreams.

Guy 2:  Not everyone. And I still don't think you really want that to happen.

Guy 1:  Dude, what the hell? Why deny me my dream?

Guy 2:  What about that woman in the movie theater 2 weeks ago?

Guy 1:  What about her?

Guy 2:  You were annoying the hell out of her.

Guy 1:  Nooooo, I was flirting.

Guy 2:  I bet her dream that night involved stabbing you in the eye with the straw from her soda.

Guy 1:  Hahaha. It wasn't that bad. Asshole.

Guy 2:  But if she was, you're saying that you would suddenly wake up in an insane amount of pain, feeling like someone was repeatedly stabbing you in the eye with a straw?

Guy 1:  Yeah. *pause* Well, that might not be good. And why is she stabbing me multiple times now?

Guy 2:  You tend to piss people off. A lot. You'd probably get your ass kicked every night.

Guy 1:  Yeah. *pause* You're such an asshole! Couldn't just let me have my damn sex fantasy dream idea.

Guy 2:  Or I'm saving you from repeatedly getting your ass kicked every night. Forever.

Guy 1:  You're a shitty friend.

Guy 2:  Or the best friend you ever had.

Guy 1:  Shut up. Jerk.

Guy 2:  You're welcome. 


The End.

At least that is the end for us, Friends, because I had to leave to go back to work. They were still there when I left, so who knows where that conversation went after that point.

All in all, today was pretty darn good. Not only did I get to hear this wonderful conversation, but I also got my Girl Scout cookies delivered at work, and I finally won HQ Trivia tonight!  $5.07 winner -- go me!

So, if anyone would like to do something to make tomorrow equally as awesome, be my guest. Let's all try to do something nice for another person and spread a little joy around. I think it will work much better than the dream theory in the conversation above.