Year In Review (sorta, kinda)

Hey there, Friends.

Well, 2016 is rapidly winding to a close.  I feel like I should give some kind of a little wrap-up thing on our time here this past year.

So, for those just burning with curiosity, the most popular post this year?  When I asked if I was a narcissistic asshole.  I'm happy to report that those who replied didn't think I was.  Warms the cockles of my heart.  I'm sure there are people who disagree, but they didn't bother to respond.

Second most popular?  That time a bear was spotted in my neighborhood...and then we had a power outage that night, and I kind of forgot about the potential of having a meeting with said bear face-to-face while I was out wandering the neighborhood in my pajamas.

Coming in a close third? Trying to interpret my weird-ass avocado dream.

That's an eclectic assortment of posts, Friends.  I don't quite know what to make of it, beyond the fact that I share my strange problems here and you all seem to enjoy reading about them.  I wish I could say the popularity of the bear post surprised me, but since the most popular posts last year were about the thug squirrels taking over my garage and my repeated battles with the Giant Ninja Spiders that kept invading my shower?  I'm actually shocked something else beat it out for number one.

If 2015 had a theme, it was my adventures with wildlife.

2016?  That's a little harder to determine, but the thing that seemed to pop up repeatedly was my lack of familiarity with astrology and the zodiac.  Like, I seriously cannot believe how many times people brought that shit up this year.

For starters: there was that embarrassing mortifying time a patron felt the need to go way too in-depth about what my zodiac sign meant.  (I'm a Taurus.  Read the delightful made-me-want-to-crawl-under-a-rock experience here!)

It's come up in conversations with people so many times this year, and every time I end up feeling like a dumb ass because I honestly just have no clue. Or maybe I'm just noticing it more, like the number of times I seemed to hear people talking about chipmunks after I  helped someone with a fan-fiction website.

So, as a step toward growth for the New Year I decided to start following a zodiac thing on Twitter.

Baby steps, Friends, baby steps.

I'm well aware that it is kind of a lame attempt at not being ignorant on the subject. I mention this because today the posts for 2017 started rolling out,

As a #Taurus Expect Great Things To Happen In 2017 With A Scorpio by your side.

— ZodiacFact (@ZodiacFacts) December 31, 2016

I'm all kinds of cool with this.  My brother is a Scorpio.  I already know he's got my back come hell or high water.  He might be down in the great state of Texas, but he's still got my back.

So I looked up Scorpio, assuming that it would say he should stick with a Taurus, right?  I mean that seems like it would logically make sense.  Apparently not.  He's supposed to be chilling with a Virgo, which is just all kinds of amusing to me.  (It's more amusing if you clicked on that link above about me wanting to crawl under a rock.)

This is why this shit confuses me to no end, Friends.  I had to go back and read them all.

As a #Cancer Expect Great Things To Happen In 2017 With A Taurus by your side.

— ZodiacFact (@ZodiacFacts) December 31, 2016

And then, because I still know jack shit about any of this, I had to go and look up Cancer to figure out what part of the year that even fell in.  Your birthday would be in June or July, which I now know. See, Friends? I'm already learning things.

On that note --

Happy New Year to all of you, Friends!  Thanks for continuing to read my ramblings here.  It gives me the warm fuzzies to know I'm not talking to myself.  I hope your 2017 is filled with good helth, happiness, and love.

**And if you happen to be a Cancer, we should totally hang out!  I appear to be a good luck charm for you this year or something.**

I Might Be a "Depressing Little Snowflake"

Hey, Friends.

It's that time of year where everyone everyone starts reflecting on the year: did they learn anything, any major life accomplishments that occurred, plans for the future, etc.  This is a little bit of that, but also a story, and it includes a request for feedback.  Oh, and it all centers around Instagram. Intrigued yet?  I sure hope so, because I kind of need you to read until the end and give me some feedback, if you have some time to spare.

Let's start with the story first.

I was at a soiree recently, and was chatting with a guy I had been introduced to at said event.  I've seen him at other things before as we share a mutual friend.  So we're chatting, and it becomes very clear that he knows more about me than I know about him (especially since I didn't even know his name until we were introduced.)

He brings up Instagram, of all things, and tells me that I take really good pictures. It's always nice to get compliments, and I didn't think much of it as my Instagram is public and meant for anyone to see. It was where he went from there that started to get a bit strange, at least in my opinion.

He told me that I was a "depressing little snowflake" because so many of my pictures were dark, or taken in the evening or at night. Then he declared that I must be "one of those Emo people" because I was wearing black during the holidays. Yeah.

Suffice it to say that we did not chat long, and I'm proud of myself for not telling him that he must be one of those assholes who likes to draw conclusions about people based solely on an Instagram account and an outfit.  I tried very hard to be polite and keep it civil since we do have a mutual friend and I will most likely end up seeing him again in the future.

And yes, I was wearing black during the holidays.  I like black.  I wear it all year long.  This is not new and is not going to change.

Moving right along to Part II of our journey here today, Friends...

As we are near the end of the year, and we are talking about Instagram already, I decided to go back through and find the post from each month of the year that got the most "likes".  They might not be my favorites, or even the ones I think were my best, but they were the most popular.  There are 14 in total, since a couple of months had a tie score.  I'm going to share them with you below, and hopefully they don't make you think I am a "depressing little snowflake."

Not a good way to start on the whole "not a depressing little snowflake" front, I realize.

Do they really strike people as sad or depressing?  Sunsets are beautiful, as is the way light causes reflections on water.  

Moving on to Part III of our purpose here today...

I need some feedback from you, Friends.  I was talked into participating in a staff art display at work. I would like your assistance in choosing which pictures I should use. If you have time, I could really use suggestions on which ones you like the best -- not just from the group above, but from anything found on my Instagram account here:  https://www.instagram.com/tmyers526/

I've already chosen one, as I was asked to provide one for the newsletter at work.  I decided on this one, as it was taken at the library.

Peonies in the rain

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated, Friends.  Obviously, I'm biased and like all of them as I took them and shared them with the world.  I have more that I didn't post and can choose from as well, but I'd like to get as wide a variety of opinions as possible.  You can comment here, or on Facebook or Instagram, or even hit me up on Twitter at @tammyshampoo.  Even if you only have time to pick one, that would be tremendously helpful in narrowing it down.  Hell, tell me you think they all suck monkey balls if you feel like being painfully honest.

Thanks for reading, Friends.  And thanks so much in advance if you have a moment to help me out!  

In Which We Discover Why I Will Never Be A Vlogger

Hey, Friends.

For the last couple of months I have been writing little blurbs for the Turn Up the Volume Newsletter, a fan-run newsletter for the band Heffron Drive.  This shouldn't be all that surprising since I have written about seeing them in concert twice.  (Don't remember?  New reader and missed it?  You can find those posts here and here.)

For the last issue of the newsletter, I wanted to buy some of the new merchandise to give away to our readers as a way of saying thanks for all of their support. We could run a contest in the newsletter, and I would get the prizes. Everyone was cool with the idea, so we did it.  Huzzah!

Today it was time to pick the winners.  Friends, I'm not really sure what possessed me to make the next decision.  I'm choosing to blame it on an early morning staff meeting and a lack of coffee.

I got the idea in my head that I should make a video of choosing the winner.  No one could argue about the legitimacy of the drawing then.  Everyone will see that the beanies truly exist, they would see the random drawing.  Besides, I figured it couldn't be too hard to make a simple video, right?

Ha!

I rarely even take selfies, so shooting video of myself just doesn't happen.  I should probably also mention that this was, in fact, the first time I have ever attempted to use the webcam on my laptop. How hard can it be?

Pretty damn hard, as it turns out.

Come, Friends!  Let's explore all my failed attempts before finally managing to get a video recorded that would not be a total train wreck.

Trying to figure out where I'm even supposed to be looking

Attempt #1 -- still haven't got the hang of this yet

Attempt #2 -- Still surprised by when the countdown ends and the recording actually begins

Attempt #3 -- Third time's the charm, right?  No.

Attempt #4 -- in which I realize I have no idea what the hell I am going to say

Attempt #6 -- foiled by my own coffee cup

Attempt #7 -- still not sure where I'm going with what I want to say

At this point, Friends, you'll notice a small wardrobe change.  Why?  Because I was getting incredibly frustrated with myself and needed to step away.  Also, my sweater was too hot.

Attempt #8 -- Now I can't even get through a coherent sentence.  Progress in the wrong direction!

Attempt #9 -- Why yes, the beanies contest would be giving away beanies.  Let's try that again without sounding quite so redundant

You would think, after all of the many ways in which I failed, that the finished product would be flawless, right?

Nope.

Apparently I can't even make a video -- less than 2 minutes in length -- with cursing.  Yeah.  Just kind of slipped out.  No way was I starting over again at that point.  

Seriously, pretty much my entire evening had been spent trying to make this damn thing.  I just finished it up and posted it.  I left it up to Melly to decide whether she wanted to post the video or just announce the winners.

Being awesome, she decided to post it!  Want to see the finished product?  I know you do.  

Things I probably should have considered ahead of time:

--Did I think about the lighting before hand? 

Nope. Just decided to do it while sitting on my couch.

--Did I even stop to fix my hair, or gussy myself up ahead of time?

Nope.  I call this look "I've been at work since 8 am, and 12 hours later I'm trying to make a video. Hair and makeup from this morning are going to be good enough."

There you have it, Friends.  I don't think vlogging is something I am going to take up right away.  So much harder than you would think.

You Be the Judge

Hey, Friends.

So, I was standing in line to get coffee this morning, minding my own business and listening to the two guys in front of me having a conversation about some sports thing.  (I honestly don't know what they were talking about -- I don't watch sports except for the Olympics, the World Cup, and the Super Bowl half-time show.)  I'm going to paraphrase their conversation, except for the part at the end which is an exact quote because it is burned into my memory and has haunted me all day. M'kay?

Dude #1: Says something sports related

Dude #2: What?  What makes you say that?

Dude #1: I read it online...blahblahblahsportsblahblah wesbite

Dude #2: What website?

Dude #1: Well, it's a blog.

Dude #2: Oh, forget then.  I don't pay attention to blogs.

Dude #1: Why not?  You were just interested in it like a second ago.

Dude #2: "Bloggers are all just a bunch of narcissistic assholes who think their opinions are more important than everyone else in the world."

And that's when I tuned out.  Clearly they were not talking to me.  I don't know them, they weren't paying the slightest bit of attention to me, and I highly doubt they have ever stumbled their way to our little speck of the internet here.

It still hit a little close to home, Friends, and the thought kicked around in my brain all day.

I have a blog.  Do I come off as a narcissistic asshole?  I hope not, truly.

I mean, I'm sure I have my asshole moments -- we all do.  We're human.  I admit to being narcissistic at times as well.  I'm far from perfect.  In fact, this whole post could be a prime example of being what this guy hates because it is going to involve a lot of navel-gazing, Friends.  You can bail now if that isn't your cup of tea.

I would never attempt to explain or defend all bloggers.  I know very few people with blogs.  I can only speak for myself here.

I think people create things because they want to share it with others.  It might be writing a screenplay, a poem, a painting, writing a song, crafting the perfect joke, or even just a humble blog. It's trying to capture an ephemeral feeling, or a moment, and asking other people to share in it. Maybe the goal is to help someone, or just to bring a little humor into the world. It's putting a little bit of yourself out there, your heart, your world view -- whatever you chose to present -- and seeing how it resonates. People might hate it and think you are a narcissistic asshole.  Fair enough.  But it might help one person, or bring a smile to someone's otherwise shitty day.  There might be one person out there who identifies, who feels it.  That's enough to make it worthwhile.  It helps to sort through the shit in your own head, and maybe the reaction it spurs can end up helping you in the end by giving a different perspective on the matter.

Personally, I like writing as a way to express my thought and ideas.  I have to slow down and think about what I'm saying before just shooting off my mouth.  It helps to clarify my thoughts and gives me time to reflect on what I'm actually trying to express.

Also, I absolutely hate public speaking, and I am naturally incredibly shy when meeting new people. I'm never going to be the person out on stage in a spotlight, or reading a new poem at an open mic night.  That's the fuel for nightmares, in my book. I'm not exaggerating.  Been like this my entire life, although I have gotten much better and less awkward over the years.

My Mother tells a story about trying -- yeah trying -- to get me to go see Santa when I was little.  I was fine the entire time we were waiting in line, and when the moment came and I realized I would have to go talk to him?  No way.  I covered my face with my hands, because if I couldn't see him then he couldn't see me and it wasn't happening. I kept telling her, "I don't want to tell him, you tell him." Even the allure of my own candy cane could not make me go to talk to him.

Let's talk about the hell that was any kind of presentation that involved public speaking, all through high school and college.  It wasn't a matter of not having done the work, or not having understood the material.  I am a huge geek.  I love doing research.  I'm the kid who was stoked the first time we ever got a homework assignment in elementary school. I'm ridiculously competitive, even if it is only me against a test.  If there is a score or competition involved?  I'm going to do my level best to kick ass.

I clearly remember having to do a presentation, about Super Bowl ads of all things, in an advertising class in college.  Of course I had done all of the research, watched the game, took notes on the ads while watching the game.  Drove my roommates insane making them listen to my presentation over and over so it was the right length.  I gave myself pep talks: class is at 8 am and half the class is going to be asleep or hungover.  No one wants to be there that early, let alone paying attention to a presentation.  Don't actually look at anyone, just stare at the wall over their heads or the note cards.  My hands were shaking so bad the entire time I was worried about dropping my note cards.  By the end of what was really a short presentation, I was tipping my head back slightly as I spoke because I could feel my throat closing up and was desperately trying to just force out the words.  Give me a term paper any day rather than a presentation.

Then there was the presentation I had to do on renewable energy in another class.  I remember begging one of the smartest guys in the class (his name was Ben) to please, for the love of all that is holy, do not ask me any questions afterward.  Of course he didn't listen and had to ask a bunch of questions.  It was my own personal hell, and I just wanted to crawl under a rock.

As I said, I've gotten a lot better over the years.  I credit a lot of that to my sorority sisters in college. WHAT?! Yes, I was in a sorority -- I was actually the President for a year.  Shocker!  Once I'm comfortable around you, you can't shut me up.  I have no problem putting myself out there in a leadership role, either.  I'm just a ball of contradictions!  The first time I had to run a meeting I was terrified.  I was worried about messing up, or disappointing them somehow. And then I managed to just relax, because while there were a lot of people staring at me, it was going to be okay. These were my friends, and even if I messed up they weren't going to hold it against me.  That experience alone helped so much I can't even explain.

My job has also helped tremendously.  When I first started working at the library it was terrifying.  I felt like all of the patrons were staring at me when I was working on the circulation desk.  And I had to talk to strangers all. day. long.  Those first few months were exhausting.  Now I am used to talking to strangers all of the time, listening to their stories, being screamed at and called a bitch because I won't waive their fines.  Every day is an adventure when you deal with the public.

But back to my point, Friends.

It's a personal preference, comfort thing for me.  I'm never going to be the person who wants to claim the spotlight, who wants all the attention focused on them.  I mean...yeah, it would be pretty sweet, not gonna lie, but then people would probably expect me to say or do something in that spotlight, and I would freeze up like a deer in headlights.  There are people who are seemingly meant to do that: they are mesmerizing, charming, and just kind of draw people to them.  Doesn't matter what they are doing -- they might be famous, or they might just be the center of their group of friends.  They have that inner sparkly thing that draws attention to them and they are happy to bask in it.  I prefer a quieter, subtler kind of attention.

Having said all of that, Friends, I hope I don't sound like a narcissistic asshole.  I do try not to be an asshole.  I hope that whatever I've shared here has never come off as being holier than thou, or that my opinion is the right one and everyone else is wrong.  I'd consider that a pretty asshole move.

A special note to my Friends here that I don't actually know:

Hi there.  If we ever should meet up -- you know, in real life -- just don't assemble in a large group. I think we've established that I don't deal well with those situations. Otherwise we should be cool.

**Unless you are someone I am attracted to and/or admire.  Then that shit is out the window and I am probably going to be a hot mess.  Fair warning.**

It's Too Nice Out to Stay Indoors

Hey there, Friends.

First, I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving (or an excellent Thursday if you weren't celebrating). Mine was very nice, thanks for asking.  I also scored leftovers from dinner at my parents' house which is awesome because that means I don't have to cook for a few days.  It's like mini-Thanksgiving all over again!

Did you go out into the swarm and battle through shopping on Black Friday, Friends?  I sure as hell did not. I can think of nothing that anyone needs -- including myself -- that would make it worth it to get involved in that nightmare.  In fact, I decided to do pretty much the opposite.

As I've mentioned before, I have set myself the goal of trying to visit all of Scenic Hudson's parks. I haven't gotten through very many of them yet.  It's a work in progress. I didn't have to work today, and it was pretty nice out for the end of November.  It was overcast outside, but it wasn't raining, so I decided it was time to go out on an adventure and explore another park.  I didn't want to go too far since the weather was looking a bit iffy.

I settled on Illinois Mountain since it was just across the river.  If it's not raining here, then it shouldn't be raining there.  I wish I had a deeper or more profound reason for my choice, but that's it.

Backtracking a bit here....

I went out on a hike this past weekend.  My mother implored me to stick to going to the Walkway Over the Hudson or the rail trail system.  Why?  Apparently it was the first day of deer hunting season, and people would be "trigger happy and shoot at anything that moves".  This was over breakfast, when we met at a local diner. This will be relevant later, promise.

Back to today.

I'm proud to say that I found the place with no problems, and Google Maps did not screw with me today and take me to some unused, long-closed park entrance.  (Google Maps and I have had some issues.)

It was so peaceful.  I think I saw four other people the entire time I was there.  I hadn't realized how much I really needed to just get away, get outdoors and unplug from the world for a little while. It's so relaxing and grounding to be out in the woods -- listening to the crows and geese call as they fly overhead, watching the chipmunks and squirrels scurry by, listening to the crunch of the leaves under your feet.  Hiking might not be everyone's idea of relaxing, but it works for me.

I took some pictures for you, Friends!  Want to see them?  Fantastic.  We're doing it anyway, so scroll on past the pictures if you want to read on.

Here we go

Pretty lake in the park

The vines are shaped like a heart!

Poor tree has some issues

Not sure what is going on with this tree.  Looks like someone had built something on it at one point.

Someone built this on the side of the trail

Moss was about the only sign of green 

Figured out where the geese were headed

So, I got through the Red trail and the White trail.  I had just gotten to the head for the Blue trail when the sky started to get noticeably darker.  Well.....shit.  I'm all for going out and exploring in iffy weather, but I'm not totally stupid.  Starting another trail going even farther away from my car when it looks like it might start pouring at any minute?  Not a good plan.  I turned around and headed back the way I came.  At least if the heavens opened up there was that little shelter that someone had built next to the trail.  Might come in handy.

As I was walking back I had the idea that it would be fun to shoot a video of hiking through the woods.  It would be like you were with me, Friends!  In what I considered to be a stroke of brilliance, I decided to do it using Hyperlapse, so it would be fast hiking.  No point in boring you to tears with a long video, the soundtrack of which would be me crunching leaves underfoot, squashing through mud, and breathing loudly.  Nobody needs to hear that. It might have come out like crap, I really didn't care. I'd look at it when I got back home.  If it worked, cool.  If not?  So be it.

And that's when I heard it.  At first I wasn't sure what it was exactly, but it was loud.  After it happened a few more times I realized it was gun shots. Fuck.  I totally forgot about hunting season!

This was a bit troubling, Friends. I realized I still had a good mile or so to get back to the park proper and out of the woods.

--I can't tell where these shots are coming from.  I think they are from a good distance behind me somewhere, but the sound kind of echoes and bounces around, so I'm not confident about that.

--I hope this is someone who knows what they are doing and realizes that a deer wouldn't be prancing about in a public park wearing a red fleece.  I know I have dark hair, but I look nothing like a fucking deer, so please don't accidentally shoot me.

--WTF is a hunter doing in a Scenic Hudson park anyway?  I thought that was against the rules.  I wonder if I have service to pull up the website and check.

PLEASE NOTE: seasonal hunting is permitted on Town of Lloyd property—wear bright-colored clothing during hunting seasons.

Okay, I obviously glossed over that part when reading earlier.  I have no idea where the property boundaries are.  Hopefully not too damn close.

I have no choice but to keep going since I need to get back to my car.  This is suddenly far less peaceful and relaxing than it was on the hike in.  The sky is still getting darker, and now there are gun shots in the distance.  To add to the mood, the woods have gone utterly silent.  No more birds calling as they fly overhead, no sign of chipmunks or squirrels running about.  It's like everything went into hiding.

Friends, have I ever told you about the nickname a friend of mine has given me?  I don't think I have, but it's pretty relevant here.  She lovingly refers to me at times as Apocalyptic Annie. It's pretty fitting, honestly.  You see, I have a tendency to look at situations that seem potentially dangerous and immediately start assessing how it could all go horribly wrong.  Like my own version of The Gashlycrumb Tinies. Partially it's because I have a slightly warped sense of humor, and the scenarios get more imaginative and far-flung as I go along.  The other part?  If something horrible is about to happen it would be nice to have some sort of plan in place on how to handle it, no matter how half-assed it may be.  It's good to be prepared, damn it!  I know that it is ridiculous, and I realize that 99% of the time not a damn thing is actually going to go wrong.  My brain just goes there. It's like, "If x should happen, then I will do y," and then I just carry on doing whatever it is I am doing anyway. Let's not get all deep and psychological about it, Friends.

Now that you've had a little stroll around the inner workings of my mind, let's get back to the story. So I'm in the woods, all alone, and apparently someone is hunting relatively nearby.  You so know that Apocalyptic Annie mode kicked in.  My brain decides on two things:

1) Go faster. Get the hell out of here and back to the car quickly, and preferably without being shot.
2) Keep shooting video.

Yeah.  That was my brain's fabulous idea on how to handle the situation.  Haul ass? Obvious. Shoot video?

You see, my theory was that if the worst should happen and a hunter did shoot me on accident, there would be video evidence. Like my own little screwed up version of The Blair Witch Project, except I wasn't going to shoot video of my face all up in the camera.

Oh yeah, I totally did it.

Nothing happened, which should be clear since I am sitting here in my home writing this.  Maybe I shouldn't even admit to having done it, but whatever.  Think of it as a new little personality quirk of mine you get to discover.  At least maybe you'll find it a bit amusing.

What did we learn today, Friends?

--Don't go galavanting about in the woods during hunting season.
--Listen to your Mother when she warns you about said hunting season.
--Maybe remember to tell someone where you are going before going off into the woods during hunting season.
--My brain will come up with the most ridiculous and half-assed ideas.

I think that about covers it all.

You're Calling From Where?

Hey, Friends.

Did you ever stop to appreciate what a thing of beauty Caller ID really is?  It has it's flaws, of course, but it really is helpful.

I was going back through my messages and call logs, deleting the junk I don't need, and I noticed one number had called a few times, but they never left a message. Okay, not terribly strange, but the name that came up on Caller ID is what got my attention.

Waxahachie, Texas.

What?  That's a mouthful.  And I say that with nothing but love, Waxahachie.  This is coming from someone who lives in Poughkeepsie -- I know what it's like to live in a place with a name that gives people pronunciation problems.

Had I been to Waxahachie and didn't even know it?  I was just in Texas visiting my brother and his family.  Maybe it was some place nearby that I hadn't noticed? Maybe it was a business in the area that was trying to contact me, not realizing I live in New York?  I know most of the names around where I was -- Padre Island, Corpus Christi, Port Aransas, Robstown, Rockport.  I don't remember seeing Waxahachie, but it was possible.

So I Googled it, as now I was curious as to where this place actually was located.

Waxahachie is nowhere near where I had been.  Turns out it's closer to Dallas.  I didn't even fly through Dallas on this trip.

The mystery deepens.

As mentioned, I do have family and friends who live in Texas.  South Texas and Houston -- calls from those parts of the state wouldn't really surprise me.

So Dear Mystery Caller From Waxahachie:

Please leave a message next time.  I'm assuming you aren't a business, or you would already have left a message.  Maybe you are mindless phone spam, or a survey.  Maybe you are someone trying to contact a friend or relative, and you have the wrong number.  The world may never know.

I'm curious now.  Please leave a message next time.  Humor me.

xoxo,
Me

About That Election...

Hey, Friends.

It's been a while.  I took a little vacation, went to Texas to visit my brother and his family.  It was lovely, thanks for asking.  I made sure that I was back in time to vote.

My first choice of candidate was Bernie Sanders.  After he lost in the primaries, my choices were the same as everyone else in the country.

To be clear: you have the right to vote however you want, to have your voice heard.  Just because I don't agree with your opinion does not mean that I don't respect you or your right to exercise that vote as you see fit.

I chose to vote for Clinton.

When I went to bed on Tuesday night (technically Wednesday morning) there were still states that were "too close to call".  I went to bed hopeful, yet worried, about what result I was going to see when I woke up the next morning.

To say that I was bummed out to see that Trump had been elected would be an understatement.  This man who had said so many hateful things during the election, who had some of my friends terrified about what it would mean for them if he got elected, was our new President.  A man who now had to stand trial for fraud and (until very recently) rape charges was now going to represent me and my country.

I was not in a happy place.  I'm still not.

I'm not saying that it is necessarily the healthiest way of functioning, but I tend to have a very "Suck it up, Buttercup" approach to things.  Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows.  Shit happens.  Bad things happen to good people. You get hurt.  People disappoint you. The world keeps turning, Friends. Life will move on whether you are ready for it or not. So take some time, deal with it as best you can, and then get on with things. Go to work, do what you have to do, and continue to fight for what you believe in.

I was at work last night, still trying to wrap my mind around how this came to be reality.  People being attacked all over the country, the hate that was being spewed, swastikas being spray painted in public parks and schools.

I'm pretty used to listening to people ramble on about things.  I've listened to lengthy conspiracy theories about who killed John F. Kennedy, about space aliens taking over the country, and how Pokemon Go is really a tracking app to keep the populace under control -- just to name a few.

Last night a man launched into a discussion on politics and the election. He was addressing all of us, but was most pointedly directing it to a coworker.  He said he didn't align himself with any particular political party, and that is what all people should do.  He believed a great part of the problem was lack of education, that if we taught the kids in high school about the Federalist Papers, made them read Alexis de Tocqueville they would better understand the institution in which they were participating.  He blamed the colleges for being "safe spaces" where students were taught that everyone could say what they want, and everyone got a shiny trophy for participating, but no one learned how to actually speak to someone whose opinion was different, about how to persuade them to come around to their opinion. He carried on at length about this topic.

He then went on to say that people shouldn't be so worked up over policy decisions -- that's all the election really was.  You vote for the policies you believe are the best, and you move on.  That there was nothing personal about it and people were getting all worked up and emotional over nothing. He very pointedly directed that to my coworker, almost begging her to say something to him in response.

And that was when I couldn't shut up any longer and let him wax poetic.

I told him that in the grand scheme of things it might be about policies, but that in this election it had gotten very personal, and that is why people are emotional.  I have friends and loved ones who are worried, anxious and scared about what their lives are going to be like under our newly elected President.  They are scared of what they now face on a daily basis.  The man who was elected just spent the past several months telling them that their very existence was wrong -- be it for their race, sex, religion, orientation, country of origin, or who they choose to love.  He made it incredibly personal by essentially blaming a large swathe of this country for being the problem, and saying he could "Make America Great Again" at their expense.  I spent an hour and a half earlier this week listening to some gentlemen with disabilities worry about what they were going to do if the programs they rely on had all of the funding cut.  People are emotional because they are already seeing the attacks and hatred being put into action.  The fear is very real for a lot of people.  Women already had a tough road when it came to how sexual assault was perceived in this country.  A man has now been elected that seems to think it is perfectly okay to do whatever you want to a woman.  How the hell is that supposed to make any of us feel safe?

He said that he could understand that point of view, but that people were over emotional.  Everything would calm down and people would move on. He didn't want to travel the country and have people fear him because he was a white man.

And then he left, still in a good mood and firmly believing that it was all just angst and over-emotion, and people just needed time to calm down.

For someone who wants discourse and discussion taught in colleges, he did a really good job of listening without giving any credence whatsoever to the other point of view.  He was right, and everyone else just had to stop being so darn emotional.

I believe in human decency, respect, equality, and dignity.  That EVERYONE has the same rights and should be able to exercise them, to live their lives in peace and without fear.  We have always had work to do on this front, and now we have even more.  This election seems to have given parts of our population the idea that they can say and do whatever hateful things they want.  I truly hope that it is a much smaller part of us than it seems.

To that end, I want to share an article that I saw online earlier.  It might not be much, but it can't hurt to try.

People Are Wearing Safety Pins As A Show Of Solidarity

I realize I may piss off a lot of people with this post.  I know a lot of people are going to disagree with my opinion, or think that I am over emotional about it.  You are welcome to do so.  I've seen so many people say that the election is over, to accept it and move on, and work on trying to understand the other part of the country.  Both sides need to do so.