I Might Be a "Depressing Little Snowflake"

Hey, Friends.

It's that time of year where everyone everyone starts reflecting on the year: did they learn anything, any major life accomplishments that occurred, plans for the future, etc.  This is a little bit of that, but also a story, and it includes a request for feedback.  Oh, and it all centers around Instagram. Intrigued yet?  I sure hope so, because I kind of need you to read until the end and give me some feedback, if you have some time to spare.

Let's start with the story first.

I was at a soiree recently, and was chatting with a guy I had been introduced to at said event.  I've seen him at other things before as we share a mutual friend.  So we're chatting, and it becomes very clear that he knows more about me than I know about him (especially since I didn't even know his name until we were introduced.)

He brings up Instagram, of all things, and tells me that I take really good pictures. It's always nice to get compliments, and I didn't think much of it as my Instagram is public and meant for anyone to see. It was where he went from there that started to get a bit strange, at least in my opinion.

He told me that I was a "depressing little snowflake" because so many of my pictures were dark, or taken in the evening or at night. Then he declared that I must be "one of those Emo people" because I was wearing black during the holidays. Yeah.

Suffice it to say that we did not chat long, and I'm proud of myself for not telling him that he must be one of those assholes who likes to draw conclusions about people based solely on an Instagram account and an outfit.  I tried very hard to be polite and keep it civil since we do have a mutual friend and I will most likely end up seeing him again in the future.

And yes, I was wearing black during the holidays.  I like black.  I wear it all year long.  This is not new and is not going to change.

Moving right along to Part II of our journey here today, Friends...

As we are near the end of the year, and we are talking about Instagram already, I decided to go back through and find the post from each month of the year that got the most "likes".  They might not be my favorites, or even the ones I think were my best, but they were the most popular.  There are 14 in total, since a couple of months had a tie score.  I'm going to share them with you below, and hopefully they don't make you think I am a "depressing little snowflake."

Not a good way to start on the whole "not a depressing little snowflake" front, I realize.

Do they really strike people as sad or depressing?  Sunsets are beautiful, as is the way light causes reflections on water.  

Moving on to Part III of our purpose here today...

I need some feedback from you, Friends.  I was talked into participating in a staff art display at work. I would like your assistance in choosing which pictures I should use. If you have time, I could really use suggestions on which ones you like the best -- not just from the group above, but from anything found on my Instagram account here:  https://www.instagram.com/tmyers526/

I've already chosen one, as I was asked to provide one for the newsletter at work.  I decided on this one, as it was taken at the library.

Peonies in the rain

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated, Friends.  Obviously, I'm biased and like all of them as I took them and shared them with the world.  I have more that I didn't post and can choose from as well, but I'd like to get as wide a variety of opinions as possible.  You can comment here, or on Facebook or Instagram, or even hit me up on Twitter at @tammyshampoo.  Even if you only have time to pick one, that would be tremendously helpful in narrowing it down.  Hell, tell me you think they all suck monkey balls if you feel like being painfully honest.

Thanks for reading, Friends.  And thanks so much in advance if you have a moment to help me out!  

Lost In Translation

Hey there, Friends.

So, I'm going to need a little help.  I'm going to describe a little scenario for you, and then I need you to help me figure out what the hell was going on.  This has been bugging me all day.  All the reasonable explanations I have come up with make no sense in this situation.

You game?  Fantastic!

Allow me to start by sharing my artistic rendering of the scene.  I made it special just for you, Friends. (If local people can figure out where this is then I will be super proud of myself!)

I didn't say it was good -- I said it was an artistic rendering.

As you can clearly see (or maybe not), this is a traffic intersection. Most important points being:

A) Guy in Truck

B) Me

You are looking at the two little rectangles in the intersection with the circles near them, not the big labels I wrote near the bottom of the page. I was trying to clarify the drawing, but that might have made it more confusing.  My bad.

The scene:

It's the middle of a sunny day. Guy in Truck and I are both stopped at red lights.  He is waiting to go straight across.  I have my blinker on and am waiting to make the left turn.  The two sides of the intersection that we are on do not get green lights at the same time.  Ever.  It just doesn't work that way.  This is also a rather lengthy light to sit through, as the main road (going North-South) gets most of the traffic and time.

There is no one behind me as I just missed getting through the light.  There is no one in the lane to my right.  There are a couple of cars next to Guy in Truck.  Oddly, is there very little traffic going up the main drag.  This is rather unusual, but it also means there is a clear view across the intersection most of the time.

Guy in Truck flashes his headlights a few times, and starts waving to me.  His side gets the green light first and he proceeds to stare at me as he drives by, not watching the road where he is driving.

Everybody on the same page, Friends?  Do we all understand the scene? Excellent. Now we are going to play a little game called....

WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?

(Title could use a little work, I admit.)

Theory 1: I Must Know This Guy

No.

If I knew this guy we wouldn't be playing this game in the first place.  Really, Friends.  That was a lame thought.  I did not recognize him, and I did not recognize his vehicle.  I didn't even vaguely recall him as a library patron from work.

Theory 2: He Is Trying To Warn Me About A Fire Truck Behind Me

Still no.

There was no one behind me.  I'm not completely oblivious to my surroundings when driving. Nothing was coming into or out of the fire station.  Also, if something where to happen there would be sirens.  Lots and lots of sirens.  At this particular intersection a blue flashing light also goes off to warn drivers of impending emergency vehicles, and my side would have immediately gotten a green light so they could exit faster.

Theory 3: He's Warning Me There Is A Police Car Ahead

Maybe?  But still pretty inapplicable.

I know people will sometimes flash their headlights at oncoming traffic as a warning that police are shooting radar ahead.  I had a pretty clear view of the intersection, and there were no police cars in sight.  Also, I was not heading in the direction he was coming from.  I had my turn signal on, so it would be pointless to warn me about something in a direction I was not going to be traveling.

Theory 4: He's Trying To Tell You There Is Something Wrong With Your Car, Dumbass!

Possible, but still wrong.

I will admit this was my immediate assumption.  I thought maybe my tire was going flat or the like and he was trying to let me know.  I had no indicator about a problem on my dash, and everything was fine when I checked it out at home.  It was also the middle of a sunny day, so I did not need to have my headlights on, or my high beams for that matter, so he couldn't have been telling me to turn them down/off.  It wasn't raining, so he wasn't trying to tell me to turn them on either.  This theory proved to be wrong.

Theory 5: He's Being Carjacked And Is Trying To Signal For Help

Yeah.  We've gone to a dark place on this one, Friends. 

I freaking hope that was not the case.  Message obviously did not get through.  The fact that I haven't seen or heard anything about anyone being carjacked today (or lately at all) is keeping me from feeling like I maybe failed the dude in a very important way.

Theory 6: He's Trying To Flirt With You, You Clueless Wonder

Is this even a thing?  Tell me this is not a thing.  

As we have previously established, I fail at noticing when someone is flirting with me when they do it face to face.  The chance that I would ever figure it out via Interpretive Intersection Communication is zero.

Guys, if this is a thing -- don't do it. The whole staring thing just creeped me out.  I'm not advising you to follow someone in traffic and stalk them to get their number either.  Just consider it a missed moment and go on with your life.  Maybe you'll bump into each other again at some point.

Maybe other people would find the staring flattering.  It was so fixed that I find it a bit creepy.  Like I'm wondering if this dude was memorizing my license plate number in an attempt to track me down later.  

That's sounds crazy, I realize.  

Real talk: I'm like flypaper for freaks.  I don't know what it is about me that makes me so attractive to the more eccentric personalities out there, but it's true.  It happens a lot.  

For example: My admirer who stalked me at work, wrote me bad love poems on the internet, and was trying to sell his personal belongings to my coworkers.  

You want another one?  How about the guy who wrote me a note saying he'd been watching me at work for several years, and wanted to take me out.  I should look him up on Facebook under a certain name, not his "government name" (because, as it turns out, he had a criminal record).  And what was on his Facebook?  Many pictures documenting the healing process of his huge scab (cause of said injury unknown), and really bad homemade videos of him trying to rap. 

A third, just to round it out nicely?  Sure thing, Friends -- I've got tons to choose from! Let's go for a non-work related deal. How about the guy I met in the grocery store who asked me out for coffee, then spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriends.  And there were several -- complete with pictures of each one!  They were all blonde, and rather short. I was very obviously not his type, and the whole thing felt more like I was his therapist. Did I mention that he ordered decaf because, after we arrived, he thought that maybe he wasn't supposed to mix caffeine with his medication?  Yeah. But I did get free coffee out of it, so not a total loss.

Back to the point:  I have a bad track record with attracting the odder parts of the male population. Guy in Truck was being weird.  He might be a totally nice, normal dude -- but that was kind of creepy and my track record makes me leery.

Here's Your Time To Shine, Friends!

What the hell was Guy in Truck trying to accomplish earlier today? Let me know what you think.  I turned this over in my head a lot, as you can probably tell, and I've got nothing.  Can you come up with any other logical explanations for his behavior? 

*At the very least you could reassure me that the guy wasn't being carjacked.* 

One of My Favorites

Friends, I'm not in a happy place.  I got a really depressing phone call earlier today, and it has upset me greatly.  If you don't want to be bummed out, I suggest you skip this.  If you don't mind a little sadness at the moment, then read on and maybe you can give me some advice.

There is a library patron -- we'll call him Stan to protect his identity -- who has been coming in for years.  He is a very sweet older gentleman, and he is in a bit of a rough patch in life right now.

He used to come to the library all of the time.  Even in the warmest summer weather, he would always wear a coat, sometimes with a blanket draped over his shoulders, and a hat.  He would always have a smile when he came up to the circulation desk, and would take his hat off before he started speaking.  Very much a gentleman.  When I would check his books out to him he would touch each one, almost reverently, as I handed them to him.  Often he would pat my hand and thank me for getting his books, or tell me I was a "good girl".  He would leave me little thank you notes under the windshield wiper on my car in the parking lot, telling me how much he had enjoyed a particular book. He's just a sweetheart.

Stan never learned how to use a computer, but they fascinated him.  He favors reading the Romantic poets, or historical fiction.  I don't know that I have ever seen him read a book that was published later than 1960, unless it was non-fiction book about a different country -- he loves those.  He would makes lists of other books he wanted to read, and if we had to search outside our library system he liked to watch the search on the computer.  WorldCat fascinated him.  I think it kind of blew his mind that we could get a book he wanted from another state sent to us.  He always liked to know where the library was that had sent him his books.

A few years back something happened.  I'm not sure if it was an accident or a health issue, but it had to do with his back.  He had to go into rehabilitation at a facility for a while, and he was very depressed about not being able to come to the library. He hated the place, said everyone just sat there in their chairs staring. Eventually he was back home, living on his own, and he had an aide that would come to help him.  That lasted for a while, and then I didn't hear from him for quite a spell.  I was afraid he had passed away.

Apparently he was no longer able to live on his own, and he was moved to a nursing home.  He has never outright admitted it, but I get the distinct impression that it was not his choice, but that of his family.  For a while even that was tenable, as he lived in the library district and could get home delivery service.  A little over a year ago he was moved to a facility outside of our area, so we cannot provide that service to him any more.  I don't know his family dynamics -- just that he relies on his nephews to pick up books and return them for him.  He has never mentioned having children of his own, and we have had a lot of very long conversations.

I didn't hear from him for several months, and then he started calling to request books once again.  I am apparently his go-to library person, as he won't speak to anyone else and requests to speak to me.  He leaves messages when I am not in.

At some point while he was being moved between nursing facilities, two books that he had checked out got lost in the shuffle.  He was very disturbed by this, and tried calling his former residence to track them down.  He did not want to be responsible for someone else missing the opportunity to read them.  He was unable to find them, and eventually he was being billed for the lost items.  They weren't from our library, and I did everything I could to try and get it sorted out.  He would call and ask about it occasionally, as he knew it would keep him from being able to borrow other books.  I didn't want him to keep being so upset and worried about it -- or even worse to get sent a collections notice -- so I paid the bill for the replacement cost of his books.  He doesn't know that, and he doesn't need to.  That wasn't the point of doing it.  His record is clear, he can borrow books again, and that is what is important.

A couple months ago he called to request some items, and he was telling me how much he hated the place where he is now living.  He didn't go into specifics about why (I'm not sure beyond a vague area as to where he is), just that he hates it and that reading is the only thing that brings him any pleasure.  I knew things were starting to take a turn for the worse when he started to get very specific about the books he wanted, and he was so obviously frustrated that he could not just come in to pick them out for himself.  They can't be too big unless they are a paperback, as they are too heavy for him to read.  He doesn't want children's books, as they are not "appropriate" for an adult level, and he doesn't want to take them away from the children.  I do my best, but I know he isn't always happy with what I can get him, and I hate to disappoint him.

A couple weeks ago he called me for help.  He sounded so sad and embarrassed, and said he had no one else to ask.  For whatever reason he had been taken out of his room at the nursing home, and in the time he was gone they had managed to "lose his bottom teeth".  He knew his dentist's name, but he couldn't find where he had written down the phone number so that he could call about getting them replaced.  He wanted to know if I could please get him the phone number to his dentist as he had nobody else that he could ask.  Heartbreaking.  Of course I got the number for him.  He never mentioned it again, so I assume he has his teeth again, or else the matter has been settled in some way.

He called again this afternoon, and we had a long chat while he told me what books he wanted: poetry by Wordsworth and Longfellow, particular titles by Thomas Costain.  Could I get those for him?  Not too big, unless they are paperbacks, or they are too heavy for him to handle and read easily.  He didn't sound too good, and seemed very unhappy.

He told me again how much he loved his books -- how reading was the only thing he had left that gave him pleasure.  He had finished the two he had out, and he wished he still had the paperback Wordsworth I had gotten for him, but his nephew had returned it and he had meant to keep that one longer.  He was out of books and he needed something to read.  He was going crazy without his books.  He said he had even tried reading the bible again, but it wasn't what he wanted to read.  It wasn't holding his interest.

And then he told me that his prayers weren't working.  He said that he had always prayed, but lately it didn't seem to be working out as well as it used to.  He said he was going to stop praying, that it didn't make a difference.  That it didn't matter anymore.  My heart broke, as it sounded like he was just completely giving up.

What was I supposed to say to that?

I'm not an overly religious person, but I told him I didn't think he should give up praying.  Even if it only made him feel better for a little while it would help.  I tried to cheer him up a bit as best I could. Near the end of our call I told him I would get his books and personally look at them all to see if it looked like the kind he wanted, and then call him to let him know they are ready.

He sounded a bit less pessimistic by the end of our conversation, but he still didn't sound good.  Stan almost always ends his calls by saying, "I'll be seeing you," or "Talk to you soon".  He didn't do that today.  He just thanked me for trying to get his books, and for taking the time to listen to him.  I told him we would talk soon, and to take care of himself.  He said he would, but I was left feeling very unsettled.

I don't know what to do, Friends.  I feel like I am his last link left to the outside world, and that I am somehow disappointing him.  I know, realistically, that there isn't much I can do except help him as best I can, even if it is only to listen to him when he calls.  I'm not his family, and I certainly have no place telling his nephew how miserable he is with his current situation -- I am sure he already knows that.  I feel like I am somehow letting him down, and I hate it.  I hate it.

If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom I'd truly appreciate hearing them.  Even a joke would be good right about now.  I've been dwelling on this for the past several hours since he called.  I could use a bit of levity.