Hey, Friends.
So, I debated whether I should share this with you because it is kind of embarrassing how pathetic I am at certain things. It's a little ridiculous. And then I figured -- why not? We are all friends here, no judging. I tell you about all kinds of crazy things that I should probably find embarrassing.
Maybe you will find this amusing, or endearing, or just want to pat me on the head and give me virtual hugs because you feel bad for me. Any and all of those options are welcome. Maybe you'll think, "Well, I might be a hot mess, but at least I'm not as big a loser as her," in which case you can keep that shit to yourself.
On to our story....
It all started out as a normal Thursday morning. I work the evening shift on Thursdays, so in the morning I like to go out and get coffee and just ease into the day ahead.
Everything was going as usual until there was some sort of glitch while getting coffee. I don't know if they had just been really busy before I got there, or if something broke or they ran out of something, but there was a problem. There were about 5 of us who had ordered and were just hanging out, waiting for our orders. The person at the counter apologized for the delay and said it was going to be a few minutes. No big deal to me as I wasn't in a hurry to get anywhere.
Most people were busy on their phones. The guy next to me decided to start chatting with me. I didn't think anything of it. We're stuck here, just chilling out and waiting for our coffee, so might as well make the wait enjoyable.
Eventually they get everything going again, and after about 15 minutes they start calling out orders. The guy I had been chatting with got his order first, wished me a good day, and left. Again, nothing dramatic. He got his coffee and got on with his day. I thought nothing of it.
A few minutes later I finally get my coffee from the older lady working at the counter. But I don't just get my coffee. She says to me, "Did you get his number, Dear?" and she's smiling.
(I get called Dear, Sweetie, Hun all of the time by random people. Pretty much everyday. I have no idea why. I've tried to figure it out. I've been in line and watched people not say any such thing to other people, but then I'll get the little endearment. I must seem angelic or something. Ha!)
Back to the story. I was confused. Why would I have gotten his number? So I told her no, I didn't even know his name. I just met him while we were waiting for coffee.
"Oh, Honey! That was a lot of flirting that was going on. I was sure you two were going to get together by the time the coffee was ready." And she was disappointed. I don't know if she was disappointed in me for not getting his number, or that I missed out on an opportunity that I didn't even realize existed.
I pointed out that he hadn't asked for my name or number either. Maybe he was just a friendly guy. He might be in a very happy relationship and was just killing time.
Coffee Lady patted my hand and told me, "I don't think so, Honey, but it's okay. Maybe you two will bump into each other again somewhere." She then went back about her business.
And then I left, Friends, to contemplate my ability to be an oblivious loser.
You see, this is not news to me. I know that I suck at flirting. I don't ever seem to realize when someone is flirting with me unless that person is incredibly blunt and obvious. I assume that guys are just being nice and friendly. I don't have the default position that if someone is talking to me they are interested in me. That thought generally doesn't enter my brain. A guy has to be about as subtle as a bulldozer to get his point across, and even then I make no guarantees that I will necessarily pick up on it. It has been pointed out to me many times that I am an oblivious idiot about these things -- just like it was again today.
Let's play Missed Connections in the vaguest way possible. How's that sound, Friends?
Dear Guy Whose Name I Don't Know:
You were getting coffee this morning, and we chatted while waiting. You were wearing a green t-shirt and jeans. You were also very cute and funny. The Coffee Lady tells me you were flirting. I didn't realize, dude. I wasn't being coy or trying to play "hard to get". I just have no game whatsoever. If you really were flirting, I'm interested. Hope we bump into each other again someplace.
Sincerely,
The Clueless Chick in the Black T-shirt
God, I am an idiot. Maybe I should try and find the astrology lady from the library. She certainly had all kinds of advice she wanted to give me.
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