This Might Be A Horrible Idea

Hey, Friends.

So, I've gotten a little feedback on our time here together recently...more like suggestions, really. They can actually work together pretty well, so I thought it would be fun to combine them here.  This could be a stroke of genius, or a truly horrible idea.

First, a new reader suggested that it might be a good idea if I did a Getting To Know You type post.  I was less than enthusiastic about it.  I mean, what do you want to know?  A lot of them are the same old questions that have already been done to death on Facebook, or they might be just too damn nosy and I have no intention of answering them online.  There are probably some I wouldn't feel comfortable answering in person either unless I felt really comfortable with you.  Or was drunk.

Around the same time this was suggested, I got a random message on Twitter asking if I wanted to receive a written interview about myself.  It wasn't the first time I've gotten it from various accounts. I assume most people have, as I highly doubt I am cool enough to be on the cutting edge.  My first thought was, "Why in the world would anyone want to interview me?" Maybe it's just me, but I assume when someone is being interviewed it is because they have done a heroic feat, or made some major discovery or innovation, or created art of some description -- something noteworthy has happened that deserves to have attention called to it.  I write a freaking blog in my spare time. Real talk, Friends: we are like the teeniest, tiniest little speck on the internet.  I mean, I think we're pretty awesome, but I'm sure all of the shit-tons of other people who have blogs think they are just as special.

Curiosity being what it is, I clicked on the link to check it out.  Turns out, it's a service.  For $5 they will conduct a written interview of 4-6 questions.  And then I guess you own the interview, or for a bit more money they will post it to their social media websites for you. I assume the allure is in the possibility of expanding your audience on social media. It seems to have gotten pretty good reviews, and has a fast turn around time. I'm not trying to down the service by any means.

Yeah, I didn't do it...well, at least not yet.  I still might.  It is only $5, and I am a little curious as to how the whole process works.  If nothing else it might make for an interesting and/or amusing story to share here.  I'm always thinking of you, Friends!

Here's my major hang up with the idea:

It's a written interview.  Presumably they are going to email me 4-6 questions.  I answer them and email them back.  I assume some sort of editing or revision process happens after that, and then it is done. I have a blog.  I ask myself questions and answer them all of the time.  That seems more like a FAQ then an interview.  I could do essentially the same thing by myself and save the $5.  Beyond that, some of the examples shown have very clear spelling and grammatical errors. I'm not saying that I'm perfect when I write here.  I'm sure there are grammatical errors that I miss, spelling mistakes, typos and the like. If I fuck it up on my blog then I can only blame myself.  If you are selling this as a service? I shouldn't notice the mistakes when I am just quickly scrolling through examples of your work.

The point of all of that was to say that maybe the idea of a Getting To Know You thing wouldn't be such a terrible idea.  It might be pretty boring for you to just read a list of things about me.  I do try not to bore you, although I'm never sure if I am entirely successful with it.

Which brings us to suggestion #2, Friends.  A good friend of mine, whom I'm sure has nothing but my best interests at heart, told me I should start a vlog.  Clearly she either did not see my attempts at making one short video (discover the many ways I failed at that here) or she has repressed her memory of said event.  She was really jazzed about the idea, and her enthusiasm was kind of contagious.

I kicked the idea around for a while.  Do I really want to try another video?  What the hell do I even have to say?  At least with the last one there was a purpose to fulfill.

But wait...what if I took the idea of the Getting To Know You thing, and combined it with the vlog idea?  At least then I wouldn't have to worry about what to say.  It would just be answering questions.

Oh yeah.  We're going there, Friends.

Consider this fair warning.  Stop scrolling now and make a hasty exit if you find the idea of sitting through another video unpleasant and/or possibly painful.  Maybe you are excited about seeing how badly this goes and what kind of an idiot I can make of myself this time.  Grab some popcorn and pull up a chair!  I'm sure it's bound to happen at some point.  Perhaps you just want to learn more about me, or find me amusing and want to see what I am going to say, or just want to be supportive.  Love you for that. 💗 Hell, maybe you're just bored and are looking to kill some time.  Whatever floats your boat.

Hours, people.  It took so many hours to make this.

Did you get to know me better, Friends?  Was it worth all of the time and effort I put into it?  I really hope so. I don't know that it was as deep and insightful as you might have been hoping, but it is what it is. I know I learned several things about myself while watching and editing the footage.

1) I mess with my hair. A LOT.

2) I make a lot of silly faces while thinking and reading.

3) I never realized I bit my lip quite that much.

I also know that you are probably waiting to see the parts where I really screwed up, the failures that did not make the final product.  (There's actually a ton of stuff that didn't make the final product.) For your viewing pleasure, allow me to share some of my mistakes.

Trying to get things set up.  This will not be the location chosen!

Technical difficulties

This one is actually kind of okay.  

Wondering how well this may or may not be going

Hair problems

This was taking too long, and I was getting a bit cranky

That moment when I thought I had accidentally deleted a bunch of stuff

That's all there is, Friends.  Quite frankly, I'm really tired of looking at myself.  Did you like this? Was it even worth the effort?  Let me know if I should bother attempting this again in the future.

In Which We Discover Why I Will Never Be A Vlogger

Hey, Friends.

For the last couple of months I have been writing little blurbs for the Turn Up the Volume Newsletter, a fan-run newsletter for the band Heffron Drive.  This shouldn't be all that surprising since I have written about seeing them in concert twice.  (Don't remember?  New reader and missed it?  You can find those posts here and here.)

For the last issue of the newsletter, I wanted to buy some of the new merchandise to give away to our readers as a way of saying thanks for all of their support. We could run a contest in the newsletter, and I would get the prizes. Everyone was cool with the idea, so we did it.  Huzzah!

Today it was time to pick the winners.  Friends, I'm not really sure what possessed me to make the next decision.  I'm choosing to blame it on an early morning staff meeting and a lack of coffee.

I got the idea in my head that I should make a video of choosing the winner.  No one could argue about the legitimacy of the drawing then.  Everyone will see that the beanies truly exist, they would see the random drawing.  Besides, I figured it couldn't be too hard to make a simple video, right?

Ha!

I rarely even take selfies, so shooting video of myself just doesn't happen.  I should probably also mention that this was, in fact, the first time I have ever attempted to use the webcam on my laptop. How hard can it be?

Pretty damn hard, as it turns out.

Come, Friends!  Let's explore all my failed attempts before finally managing to get a video recorded that would not be a total train wreck.

Trying to figure out where I'm even supposed to be looking

Attempt #1 -- still haven't got the hang of this yet

Attempt #2 -- Still surprised by when the countdown ends and the recording actually begins

Attempt #3 -- Third time's the charm, right?  No.

Attempt #4 -- in which I realize I have no idea what the hell I am going to say

Attempt #6 -- foiled by my own coffee cup

Attempt #7 -- still not sure where I'm going with what I want to say

At this point, Friends, you'll notice a small wardrobe change.  Why?  Because I was getting incredibly frustrated with myself and needed to step away.  Also, my sweater was too hot.

Attempt #8 -- Now I can't even get through a coherent sentence.  Progress in the wrong direction!

Attempt #9 -- Why yes, the beanies contest would be giving away beanies.  Let's try that again without sounding quite so redundant

You would think, after all of the many ways in which I failed, that the finished product would be flawless, right?

Nope.

Apparently I can't even make a video -- less than 2 minutes in length -- with cursing.  Yeah.  Just kind of slipped out.  No way was I starting over again at that point.  

Seriously, pretty much my entire evening had been spent trying to make this damn thing.  I just finished it up and posted it.  I left it up to Melly to decide whether she wanted to post the video or just announce the winners.

Being awesome, she decided to post it!  Want to see the finished product?  I know you do.  

Things I probably should have considered ahead of time:

--Did I think about the lighting before hand? 

Nope. Just decided to do it while sitting on my couch.

--Did I even stop to fix my hair, or gussy myself up ahead of time?

Nope.  I call this look "I've been at work since 8 am, and 12 hours later I'm trying to make a video. Hair and makeup from this morning are going to be good enough."

There you have it, Friends.  I don't think vlogging is something I am going to take up right away.  So much harder than you would think.

Of Book Groups and Pinterest Fails

Hey, Friends.

So, last week at work I got to run my book discussion group.  Since it was May -- the month of Free Comic Book Day and the first ever Hudson Valley Comic Con -- I decided that we would do a graphic novel this month.  I chose Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes by Neil Gaiman.  If I was going to do this then I was going to pick one that I love.

It was a hard sell.  Two ladies flat-out told me the month before that they wouldn't be coming because it wasn't their thing. Fair enough.  There were a few other people I mentally took out of attendance because I already was pretty sure that it wasn't something they would like.

For those souls brave enough to attend I wanted to make it awesome!  Well...as awesome as a program room in the library can be.  I always try to decorate to match the feel of the book.  I also try to serve refreshments that go with it -- be it food that was mentioned in the book, or something that kind of goes with it.  If you have been hanging around here long enough, you may recall when I made little sinking Titanics out of Twinkies when we read A Night to Remember by Walter Lord.  There have also been some rather interesting choices around Christmas time.

So, this is what I came up with for our discussion of Sandman:

Our table, complete with coloring options.  Shout-out to Chris for his help in finding said coloring options.

Cupcake display!  Conveniently received the holder as a birthday gift.

Chocolate cupcakes with cherry pie filling, chocolate icing, and complete with little skull sprinkles on top. (Death is a character in the books, for those who haven't read them.)

Display of other related works for further reading

I even wore a Carpe Noctem shirt.  Thought it was appropriate.

One of my favorite quotes from the book, hanging on the door.

Candy to represent the more squiggly dream-essence, and unicorn poop cookies.

About that last bit, Friends...

Yeah.  Unicorn Poop Cookies had zero relevance to the book.  And there is a story about how they got to be included.

A couple of weeks prior to book group I was still trying to figure out what I was going to do to try and bring the Awesome to it.  I was working at the circulation desk when this cookbook came through: Nerdy Nummies by Rosanna Pansino.  I flipped through it to take a look, and that's when I saw it -- Unicorn Poop Cookies.  OMG I have to find a reason to make these at some point!  I thought nothing more about it. Didn't read the recipe, didn't make a copy of it.  Simply checked it in and put it on the shelf for the patron that had requested it.

Jump ahead to about a week before book group.  Other than the cupcakes I still didn't know what I was going to make.  The idea of the Unicorn Poop Cookies was still lingering in my brain.  I mean, they totally had nothing to do with the book.  On the other hand, if there was ever a group of people who might appreciate being served such a thing this was probably my best bet.  The swirly colors of the cookies kind of reminded me of Delirium from The Endless, which is a stretch since she isn't even mentioned in the book, but it would make sense if people had read the rest of the series....and I could print out a rendition of The Endless to try to explain.  Yeah.  This could work!  I can totally rationalize why there are Unicorn Poop Cookies being served.

That's when the drama of our little tale really begins, Friends.  I didn't have the cookbook or the recipe, hadn't even really read it.  I decide to just Google "Unicorn Poop Cookies Recipe" and that should get me a result.

It got me a shit-ton of results (technical term, I know).  Most of them were links through Pinterest, which always gives me a little trepidation.  You hear about Pinterest Fails all the time, but they hadn't steered me wrong with the Twinkie Titanics.  So I browsed through a few options, found one that seemed pretty clear-cut, and printed it out.  And before you ask: No, I cannot pinpoint exactly which recipe I used.  I found it, printed it out, didn't save it, and moved on with my life.  I didn't save the print-out either, and you'll soon see why.

Let's start with a picture of what the magical Unicorn Poop Cookies are supposed to look like:

Cute, right?  You won't be seeing this later.

We're going to skip the boring part about making the dough.  You don't need to read that.  We're jumping straight to the action where I try and make it look like the above picture.

The recipe has helpful tips/steps included on how to get the best results.  Fantastic! I'm probably going to need those.  To paraphrase, these include things like the following:

--Remember to use more food coloring than you think you will need!  As the dough bakes, the colors will fade.

Use an obscene amount of food coloring.  Got it.

--Divide the dough into sections, and place on separate sheets of plastic wrap.

Okay, that makes sense since we are going to be making different colors.  I'm with you so far.

--Take a section of dough on the plastic wrap and shape it into a circle.  Make a well in the middle. Drop the food coloring in to the well.  Wrap it in plastic wrap and knead in the color.  This will keep the food coloring from getting all over your hands!

And that would be the step that made me leery, and I kind of started talking to myself.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just wear gloves?"

Yes, brain of mine, it probably would.  Where the hell were you earlier?  The color was going to have to be put into the dough at some point.  Why did I not consider this before?

It's 9 pm.  Not going out to try and find gloves at this point.  Let's do this thing, Pinterest!

I decide to start with green, to kick it off with one of the darker colors.  Go big or go home.

It took all of about 10 seconds for it to start going wrong.  Two squeezes in the plastic wrap to start working in the color, and that shit was leaking out all over my hands.

I look like I'm morphing into the Hulk.  And that's after trying to wash it off.

I fucking hate you so much right now, Pinterest recipe.  Liar, liar pants on fire! Things were only going to get worse, as I had three other colors to make as well.

--Chill the colored dough sections for a couple of hours.  This will make it easier to handle later.

Sure thing.  I'll use that time that to scrub the rainbow off of my hands after your last little step failed spectacularly.  Maybe I will find a quasi-normal skin color once again.

--Twist each section into a thin strand.  Take each strand and twist it together, and then form them into cookies.

That sounds a lot simpler than it really was.  

Fun fact: chilling the dough doesn't keep the food coloring from once again getting all over your hands as soon as it meets up with the warm temperature of your body. Also, the dough gets stickier the warmer it gets and the more it is handled.

Could I have put it back in the fridge to chill again?  Yes. Should I have done so? Probably.  Did I? No, no I did not.  It was already almost 11:30 pm and I just wanted this ordeal over and done. It wasn't pretty, Friends.

Looks appetizing, right?

So I rolled, and twisted, and made cookie-type shapes.  I baked them.

Those suckers did not fade into pretty pastel shades.  No.  I had some seriously dark colors going on. We're talking primary colors, like they could decorate a kindergarten classroom's walls to help teach the kids their colors.  "Colors will fade"?  Bullshit.

--After letting your cookies cool, add fun sprinkles, or icing, or edible glitter to make them prettier!

Are you kidding me?!  Sprinkles and glitter won't stick to cookies after they are baked without some sort of icing or frosting.  That shit needed to be added BEFORE you told me to bake them, when the whole cookie universe was a sticky mess! I wish I had realized earlier that you were kind of talking out your ass, Pinterest recipe.

This, Friends, was the point where the recipe and I parted ways and I decided to just make the rest up on my own.  How was I going to get the decorations to stick to these things?  The original picture didn't seem to show any frosting or icing involved.

I decided to make a glaze, of sorts.  A little confectioners sugar and vanilla ought to do the trick.  It should be relatively clear and shiny when it dried.  If I basted it on the cookies, then threw the decorations on really fast before it hardened, they should stick.  It was literally the middle of the night by this point.  My brain was not coming up with a lot of other options.


I did it, and it worked.  It didn't really help to make the cookies look more like the cute original picture, but the damn things were finally finished.

Here they are, in all their glory!

Feel free to scroll back up the page to look at the model version...and then look at my handiwork.  Not a total fail, but not a raging success either.

They still tasted pretty darn good, and people were amused.  Mission accomplished!

But I will probably think long and hard for before blindly placing my trust in a recipe found on Pinterest again.

Garage Door Drama

My garage door has been broken for just about a year now.  I have no idea how old it is.  It may very well be older than I am.  (The former owner very nicely left a washer and dryer here when he moved out.  The dryer, which I still use because it works, is older than I am, the washing machine not far behind.  And I really mean nicely too, as I owned zero appliances or furniture when I bought the place other than some chairs and bookshelves.  But I digress.)  All I know for certain is that he had to repaint the door, as lead paint was chipping off, when I bought the house three years ago.

The door always looked a little rough.  The panels that should be flat are kind of concave.  The paint is flaky.  Who knows how many years the door has been there, guarding the contents of the garage. It has done an honorable job, as there is still legible chalk graffiti on the wall, written by a former owner, proclaiming their love for Shaun Cassidy in a big pink heart.

About a year ago, the poor door opened for the last time.  The screws holding on the bottom of the door literally rusted off, and the very bottom row of panels fell off.  Everything has gone in and out through the side door since that dark day, for fear that opening the poor old door again will cause it to totally collapse.

Poor old door, still working hard..even if a little tilted

For Christmas, my father got me a new garage door.  Awesome present!  He ordered it from Lowe's, to be installed by December 2nd.  A different company that specializes in overhead garage doors will actually be doing the installation.  I was very excited!

So the installation company calls and says they will do the installation at 8am on November 14th.  I remember it specifically because my father was going to have to come over to watch them because I had work and was bringing in a gigantic birthday cake for a coworker, so this was just inconvenient timing.

Meanwhile, Lowe's had called and set an installation appointment for Monday the 18th.  Um, okay.  As long as someone shows up with the door.

The morning of the 14th comes around.  I'm getting ready to leave for work, my father had just poured himself a cup of coffee and was waiting for the installers to arrive.  His cell phone rings.  It's the installers.  They aren't coming because Lowe's did not send them the door yet. Fantastic.  

Monday morning, repeat scenario.  This is the date that Lowe's had said the installation would take place.  I leave for work, my father is waiting at the house.  No one ever shows up.  He eventually leaves and calls Lowe's, where he has to leave a number and a message because no one can talk to him right now.

He eventually speaks to the store manager.  The manager tells him that no one from Lowe's should ever have called to set an appointment for installation to begin with, as they don't do that.  He also was able to tell that my door had not even been finished yet -- they were still building it. 

Say what?  So the door isn't finished, and no one from Lowe's should have called to make an installation appointment, even though someone totally did, and you also gave your installation company the wrong information as they obviously thought they were supposed to have had a door to install on the 14th.  I'm not feeling too warm and fuzzy about this whole process right now.

A couple days later Lowe's calls to find out how the installation went.  Are you kidding?  The door has not been installed.  You have not even built the door yet!  How can you think it was installed when it hasn't been built?

The beginning of last week, it might have been the 26th, we get a call from the installation company.  They are going to come on December 4th to install the door.  Sure, whatever.  I'll believe it when it actually happens.  Who knows, maybe Lowe's actually has built the door and will have shipped it to them this time.

This past Saturday, November 30th, my father gets a call from Lowe's.  They leave a message asking how the installation went.  Seriously?  How can your internal communications be this poor?

So there may or may not be a garage door being installed tomorrow.  Who knows?  We shall have to wait and see.

Meanwhile, last week I picked out a color and style for new siding.  I gave the contractor my choice last Monday.

They were here yesterday to start work.  They have finished the demo, and are already about halfway done putting up the insulation and siding.  In two days!  Less than a week later!  

Maybe Lowe's should talk to them about organization and communication.  

Things might get really interesting at my house tomorrow if the siding guys are here and the garage door actually arrives.  I've got one long skinny driveway and a very tiny backyard for all of them to work in.  Good luck, gentleman!