It's Not That Kind of Post

Hey Friends.

So, I kind of feel that the simple act of posting anything today obligates me to wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day.  There you go, Friends.

Be glad you even got that, as in this little corner of the world we are ignoring the holiday as much as possible and pretending it is just another Sunday. If your heart is filled with Valentine's joy and you are looking to read all about how wonderful love is, posts filled with fluffy bunnies and sunshine and rainbows?  This is not the place for you.

Sorry, Friends. I'm thrilled for you that you found your special someone.  I'm delighted they bought you beautiful flowers/candy/jewelry/vacations/ fill-in-the-blank-gift.  You deserve it.  I'm happy for you, really!  I know you're just feeling the love and sharing your happiness with everyone.  It's a beautiful thing.

I was tired of the holiday before it even arrived this year.  I feel like the stores and television commercials have been pushing Valentine's Day since Christmas. Nothing like almost two months of being constantly reminded that you are single to make you feel like a winner!

There is one thing I do enjoy about the holiday, and that is the plentiful varieties of chocolate that are available.  Chocolate is always good.  Not coffee-level awesome, but good.  I think it might be the only part of Valentine's Day I am good with...you know, assuming I had a guy to give me a gift.  And yes, I have had lots of time on my hands to ponder these things while watching all of the commercials, thank you very much.

Let me try and explain the warped logic that makes sense in my head.  I'll stick to the big three that seem to be the most popular gifts I've seen this year.

Flowers.  Flowers are nice.  I'm not saying I would be mad if someone gave them to me.  I know that I am crap at keeping them alive and looking pretty in a vase. They would wilt really quickly and then I would feel bad that the person spent all of that money on them.  I'd much rather get a bunch of wildflowers on some random day of the year.  Surprises are good, and the only expense is time and effort.  Plus, I feel like wildflowers are survivors -- they know how to grow in the cold, cruel world outside of a greenhouse and would have better odds of making it when left  to rely on me to remember to water them in a vase.

Jewelry.  First, are people really buying this many diamonds?  I saw so many commercials for diamonds this year it was amazing.  But I digress.  I love jewelry.  I wear it all the time, however none of it is expensive jewelry.  Expensive jewelry makes me nervous, Friends.  It would literally sit in my house and never be worn except for special occasions.  Well, unless it was a wedding ring, but even that would make me nervous.  I would constantly be worried about losing it or damaging it in some way.  Especially at work.  I wouldn't know what to do if presented with one of those Pandora charm bracelet things.  I don't like them.  Not at all.  They're entirely too cutesy for my taste. Plus, all the things dangling off my wrist would just be in the way, or begging to get tangled on a shirt, or caught on something, and then it would be broken, and then I would feel bad.  Hopefully a guy even contemplating buying me jewelry would know me well enough to know that.  (Figured I might as well get all of my jewelry-venting out while I was at it.)

Vacation.  On second thought, I could be good with this as well.  Who doesn't like vacation?  It could never be a surprise, though, as I would never be able to go.  No lie, my job is ridiculous when it comes to vacation time.  We have to chose for the year in like November/December.  After that it's like the Hunger Games: may the odds be ever in your favor.

There you go, Friends.  This is the drivel that goes on in my head.  Deep thoughts about shit that has no actually relevance in my life.

Before I go back to ignoring the holiday in its entirety, I will cop to having bought myself a gift of sorts.

It was delicious.

Happy Valentine's Day, all you loved-up people.

To my fellow single Friends: the day is almost over.  It should be safe to look at social media again in a few hours.

Because My Book Group Is Awesome

Hey Friends.

When I first started running a book group at work a couple years ago, we weren't originally going to meet during the month of December.  Normally there isn't that much programming that month because attendance is down due to the holidays.  My book group, rebels that they are, decided that they wanted to meet anyway, and so that first year we chose Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris to discuss.  

Last year, knowing we would be meeting in December, I chose the book The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror by Christopher Moore.  I also decorated appropriately.

Nothing says Christmas like zombies and candy canes

For those of you just joining us (or those with better things to remember than my ramblings), I always try to tie together the book with the decorations and refreshments that I'll be serving.  It's easy enough when the book mentions food, but sometimes it gets a bit tricky.  You can find an example here from when I made little sinking Titanics on cupcakes for our discussion of A Night to Remember by Walter Lord.  

You see, Friends, I don't really care if people have actually bothered to read the book for book group.  That is probably some horrible sin the world of book groups, but I don't care.  We tend to get sidetracked off on tangents at times, so anyone can join in.  I don't care if people only show up to eat whatever wacky food I decided worked with the book.  More people = more fun, and I want butts in the chairs.  I don't want attendance to be so low that the Powers That Be decide to cancel our monthly soirees.

This year, we decided to read Skipping Christmas by John Grisham.  You may be familiar with the movie Christmas With the Kranks that was made from the book.

At first I was thinking some sort of Christmas/tropical hybrid scheme -- somehow involving pineapple.  I don't know why, but I was convinced pineapple needed to be in the mix somehow.  That plan went by the wayside when I made a discovery in my kitchen.

Have you ever tucked something away in a "safe place" and then had that place turn out to be so safe that you forgot you even owned the thing you tucked away?  I was going through my kitchen cupboards when I found a gift a couple of friends had given me over a year ago:  Gingerdead Men.

How could I have forgotten I owned something so epic?

Forget the pineapple!  I didn't know what else I was going to do, but these were totally happening.

I ended up with kind of an odd Christmas-Tropical-Cocktail Party vibe, but because my book group is awesome they went right along with it and enjoyed it.

I know you are just dying to see what I came up with, Friends, so let me put you out of your misery.

Gingerdead Men and gingerbread cookies

Cheese and crackers for that cocktail party vibe.  That's honey smoked ham, which they mentioned several times in the book the Kranks were unable to find at the last minute, so it ties in.  Also, there was no way I was messing with smoked trout.

Tropical-ish (maybe?) themed centerpiece, on a poinsettia tablecloth

And here is our majestic table!

Most importantly, I think everyone who came had a good time.  I want people to enjoy themselves and come back.  

Added bonus: my coworkers tomorrow get all of the leftovers, so maybe that will make their Friday a little better.  

Siblings Day?

Apparently today (well, yesterday if you want to be technical) is Siblings Day.  I've never heard of it before, but it must be true because I read about it on the internet!

I'd feel shitty about not knowing it was Siblings Day, except I'm pretty sure my brother has no clue either.

So here's to my awesome brother, Brian!  He lives far away now, and I miss him all of the time.  Here is a picture of us looking super cool back in the day.  I'm going to guess from our fantastic attire that it was the 1980s.  That, and I appear to still be taller than him in this picture.

Ties were apparently very cool.

While we are on the topic of holidays I did not know existed, I looked up my birthday and apparently there are several very exciting options that I could also celebrate on that day:

Love A Tree Day -- Kind of thought that was covered by Arbor Day, but maybe they mean love in a very different manner.

National Bike To Work Day -- That's a pretty cool idea.

National Sea Monkey Day -- I shit you not.  This might be the winner, folks!

Wear Purple For Peace Day -- To get aliens to come visit the planet, peacefully.  No really, read the link!

Let me know if you have a preference for which awesome holiday I should celebrate in conjunction with my birthday.  

I'm totally leaning toward sea monkeys.  Seriously.  That shit needs to be recognized!

In Which I Apparently Still Need to Be Saved

Let me start by wishing you all a belated Happy Halloween, friends!  Hope you had a good time!

As you may recall, I seem to have gotten myself on the "Must Visit List" of a particular religious group.  If you need a little refresher, you can read about my prior encounter here.  

Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday, hands down.  I decorate inside out and outside.  I buy the good candy -- no raisins or healthy treats here!

Now, my special little street is kind of tucked away, and no one really knows we are here.  Usually my trick-or-treaters are limited to my friends bringing their kids over.   I think a picture will best show you the scenario I am describing.

See the house on the left?  That's my house.  Like a Halloween beacon shining in the night.  On the right? That's the rest of my freaking street.  Not a light on in a single house!  Only the streetlight and the lights from the area down the hill.  I live in Party-Pooper Central.  I still got 3 intrepid kids though -- kids I did not know!  Very exciting for me!

What's a gal to do when she loves Halloween but never really gets any trick-or-treaters?  Throw a party, of course!

So last night I threw a little Halloween soiree.  I had all of my decorations out and lit up.  Good friends and fun times!  Everyone had a good time!  (Well, I'm assuming.  I haven't heard otherwise.)

Turned off the lights and went to bed around 2am, after a little bit of clean-up.  Nothing crazy.  We weren't obnoxiously loud, no one called the cops on us.    The important thing here is the time frame, folks.

I get up about 9am, turn on the coffee, and go outside to check that all of my pumpkins are still there.  (There's a story for that, but I'll save that for another time.)  They are still there, in all of there pumpkin glory...and I find a little something else tucked in my front door:

Join us!  Join us!!!!!!!

Are you kidding me?  Are you you freaking kidding me?!

In the seven, seven, hours since I went to bed the Jehovah's have been back again trying to save me! Apparently my status as the Spawn of Satan still holds with them, and they must now think I am trying to bring my friends over to The Dark Side as well.  

I've been told they are out in full force today, as a friend saw a group moving through her neighborhood early this morning.  

I'm not convinced this was a normal proselytizing mission though.  For starters, they didn't even ring the doorbell.  Maybe it was the same two guys I had words with last time and they decided not to chat this go-round.  I suppose they could have been scared of my decorations and didn't dare to see who lived inside. Due to the stealthiness of it all, I think it might have been my neighbor.  She might have pulled a covert op after last night's party.

Can't a gal just have a party without it being a sign that she is damned and dragging her friends along for the ride?

Let me leave you with this little piece of internet awesome:

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms out there!  I hope you were treated right on your special day.  In case you weren't, allow me to present a special treat to you: 

I wish I could take credit for finding this little gem myself, but I totally swiped it from a friend.

I had to work today, and I was fully braced for the onslaught of "Happy Mother's Day!" wishes that would be aimed my way.  We generally get wished happy-whatever-the applicable-holiday by patrons. 

 A coworker was irate about the prospect of it before we even opened.  Apparently some poor soul had wished her a Happy Mother's Day in passing, and she stopped to tell him exactly what she thought of his sentiment.  How did he know she wasn't mourning the loss of her mother, or had just found out she was infertile after years of trying to have kids, or had just lost a child?  I can see her point, and I am sure there are many women who, for their own reasons, would rather not be reminded that it is Mother's Day.

 Personally, it doesn't bother me.  I'm not a mom, but it doesn't offend me in any way.  I actually prefer it to a lot of the other things patrons say to us on a regular basis.  I'd much rather get wished a Happy Mother's Day than cursed out for telling someone they owe a fine, for example.

Imagine my surprise when not one single person said it today!  I did have a little girl say it to me on Friday.  She also gave me a necklace made out of beads.  It was cute.  I'm going to keep it, too.  I doubt either of my cats will be making me a necklace any time soon, and the two of them are the only kids I have.