Well, That Was New and Different

Hey, Friends.

So, I received what appears to be comment spam on 5 of my more recent posts, but not the most recent two. That isn't new and different, in and of itself.  Weird that they skipped the more recent entries, but not that different.

What was odd was that they were in Arabic.  How do I know that?  Google Translate.  I thought it was Arabic, but Google Translate confirmed it.  Good thing they have auto-detect when you copy and paste the text in!

I was pretty sure it was spam since it appeared to be the same exact thing in each comment.  So I had Google do its thing and translate.

It all appears to be for a home improvement company in Jabail.  Well, I assume it was for a home improvement company.  There was no company name indicated, or anything that appeared to be a link to a website.  It just listed things like "water removal in Jabail", "insulation repair in Jabail", "bug removal service in Jabail".  It was more like a string of search terms than a comment, although maybe it made more sense in the original language.

Do you know where Jabail is located, Friends?  In the United Arab Emirates.  Yeah, I totally had to look that up.

I'm a little confused why they thought the comments on my blog would be a super-awesome place to attempt to advertise.  I welcome readers in all languages and countries -- don't get me wrong.  That's why I include the little option to "translate" on the side.  It just seems like a blog written in English might have a largely English-speaking (reading?) audience who wouldn't be able to understand the comment without translating it.  Translate does tend to make things a bit more interesting to interpret, sometimes losing the original meaning and intention in the process.  And really, who scrolling through the posts on my blog is going to take the time to translate a random comment that was left in a different language?  That's a lot of extra work to expect from the casual passer-by.

I honestly don't get the point of it.

I obviously don't speak Arabic, since this little blog is written in English.  If the comment had been left in Spanish I would be okay for the most part, and I could probably figure out a bit of French before I had to translate.  I took Italian in college, but strangely that is the one I remember the least.

Okay, so maybe the language is not an obvious clue. This is the internet and I could be anywhere writing this, but if you click on my profile it does say I'm located in the United States.  Which I suppose could be a lie as well.....but that really would be giving me too much credit for trying to be sneaky and having the foresight to try and fake this stuff.  I lack the time, energy, and ability to give a shit about trying to create a fake online persona.

Secondly, Jabail?  Really?  Does this person honestly think I have the money to own property there?  I still have years and years of mortgage payments to make on my house here.  I'm also not going to contact a nameless company in Jabail for any home maintenance issues that should arise.  I think a local company would be far more cost-effective.  Thanks for the offer, though!

So, dear random spam person:

I reported your comments as spam and made them go bye-bye. Nothing personal, but that was literally the most irrelevant comment spam I have received, and that's saying a lot.  I don't know all of my Friends here, of course, but I can check the stats and see what countries the majority of them are from -- and you definitely would have been better off commenting in English or Spanish.

And then there was this interesting little thing I noticed in the stats.

None of the views logged today are even from the United Arab Emirates.  However, 14 today were from Saudi Arabia.  Maybe that is where the internet provider is located, maybe it's just an odd coincidence. Maybe you were incognito so I will never really know.  Just another reason to make your comments disappear.  Again, nothing personal.  I would do the same thing if it was someone advertising home improvement services from any other country and there was no sign of anyone from that country viewing my blog today.  Honestly, I would have deleted spam from a home improvement business in another state as it would be of no interest to me.

In closing, I don't like spam.  I don't care what language it is written in.  If it makes you feel better you get the prize for being the most irrelevant and unexpected.

Fun With Comment Spam!

Hey, Friends.

I feel the need to share the comment that someone placed twice within a matter of minutes on the last entry I wrote.  It came from someone using the name Charles Marvin, and it claims to be on behalf of the Illuminati.  Yeah.  It's so blatantly a scam that I find it amusing.

*The only changes I made were to put it in italics to try to give it more panache, and I removed the contact info he provided so that no one would actually attempt to contact this person.* 

WELCOME TO THE GREAT TEMPLE OF ILLUMINATI WORLD RICHES. Are you a business Man, politician, musical, student and you want to be rich, powerful and be famous in life. You can achieve your dreams by being a member of the Illuminati. With this all your dreams and heart desire can be fully accomplish, if you really want to be a member of the great Illuminati then Once you join the brotherhood, you will be given $20,000,000,00 to start up any business you want to start up. call or whatsapp our agent via

It would be rude not to respond to an offer that is so life-changing that Charles felt the need to make it twice, right Friends?  At the very least he could perhaps get some constructive criticism out of it. I'm not about to contact him via his preferred methods, but perhaps he will stumble his way back here again and see a note if I leave it for him.

Dear Charles,

I would like to thank you for reading my last blog post, but I feel you don't deserve such credit.  I highly doubt you bothered to read a single word that was written before posting your comments.  It might be unfair, but I base this assumption entirely on the fact that your comments had nothing whatsoever to do with the content of said post. You hurt my feelings, Charles. You got my hopes up that my writing had truly resonated with someone, and then you dashed them against the rocks of callous, impersonal internet spam.  Would it kill you to at least put in the effort to appear to have read it?

I'm a nice person, Charles, so I did take the time to read what you wrote.  Since you went to all of the trouble of copying and pasting the same statement twice, I can only assume that it must be very important to you.  As such, I have a few thoughts I would like to share with you and the Brotherhood of the Illuminati in return.

1) I am not a "business Man", politician, or student.  I'm most certainly not a musical.  I think your offer is void right from the start.  Sorry, Charlie!

2) Does the Illuminati really recruit new members to their alleged ranks by random comments on blog posts?  I bet not.  I'd think that such a secretive organization (assuming it exists beyond myth) would be a little bit more selective in their membership recruitment process.

3) Whatsapp?  Really? 

4) How much money are you actually offering?  Your comma placement leaves a bit to be desired. Is that supposed to be 20 billion dollars and you just forgot a zero, or is that last comma meant to be a period and it's only a measly 20 million dollar offer?  There's a big difference. I think the Brotherhood might be a tad annoyed at your lack of specifics.

5) If the Illuminati have all of this money, why can't they hire someone to write comments that don't have to be deciphered?  I'm not saying that you have to have perfect grammar, but that's a hot mess. 

6) Would you happen to be related to CHARLES TAYLOR (JNR) who sent a fax to the library a while back?  I only ask because your writing style seems very similar.  Maybe it's just a coincidence that you both claim to be named Charles. It is a pretty common name, after all.

In closing, I am going to have to pass on your offer.  While it would be nice to be rich and achieve all of my dreams and desires, I think that such success would be more enjoyable when earned on my own.  

Sincerely,

Me

P.S.: I also deleted your comments, as this is quite obviously a scam. I'm not going to enable you to pull anyone into this bullshit by leaving your contact information lingering about where less savvy individuals could stumble upon it.  Sorry again, Charlie.  I'd wish you good luck in your endeavors, but I would be lying.

P.P.S. : If there really is an Illuminati -- you need to invest in some better PR.  This is just sad.