It's Been A Long 24 Hours, Kids

Hey there, Friends.

Shortly after posting last about being an idiot and going out to explore in the blizzard, my furnace decided to stop working.  Blizzard raging outside, no heat inside.  Fun times.  It's been a long 24 hours, to put it mildly.

My Mom jinxed it.  I was on the phone with her and she started to say that at least neither of us had lost power or anything.  I tried to stop her.  Literally 15 minutes after I got off the phone with her the pilot went out on my furnace.  I have re-lit the thing successfully many times, but it was not happening yesterday.  I could hear the wind whistling down the chimney, and the flame on the lighter would go out as soon as I stuck it inside.

This is why I always make sure to take a shower before a big storm hits.  No, really.  I've been through stretches of four days with no power/heat before.  You don't now how much you miss your hot water and shower until it is unavailable.  Be prepared and start fresh in case the worst should happen.

I started keeping a list of what was going on in the notes on my phone.  I was really bored and getting quite frustrated that I couldn't get the damn furnace to work. I also developed the hobby of bird watching with Jazz-kitty.  No judging -- I find ways to keep myself entertained.

Join me, Friends, as we recall the past 24 hours of fun!

--Pilot out around 2 pm.

--Turn on the faucets to drip cold water so the pipes don't freeze.  Check!

--Try re-lighting the pilot again.  No dice.

--I think I'm going to start baking things now to keep the house warm-ish.  It should totally work.

--Find the electric heater and get that shit plugged in.

--Made a cake.  Currently roasting parsnips...because that's all I have and it should take a while.

-- 5 pm pilot still won't light.  Should maybe just try this once an hour.  Really don't want to blow myself up in the process.

-- Taking lots of pictures of the birds.  Kind of a new hobby that has developed.  I hope you like birds, Friends, because you are about to get to see a shit-ton of pictures.

There are little birds, sometimes blown right out of the Rose of Sharon

At least this one is kind of sheltered between branches

On the ground, under the feeder

In flight

Hanging by my neighbor's garage

Different bird, same windy location

Crows in the tree

This guy was pushy!

Blue Jay, pinned to the neighbor's garage roof by the wind

Bird eating popcorn.  (I know it's popcorn because I threw it out there for them.)

Waiting for the bigger birds to clear out

Crows are here

Feeding frenzy

Crow in the snow.

I told you there were a lot of pictures.

-- 6 pm  Going to light some candles.  I know it won't make much difference in terms of temperature, but it will give the illusion of being cozy.

-- Going to make fish and baked rice pilaf for dinner.  That's a good reason to keep the oven running a little longer.

-- 8:15 pm  Pilot still won't light.  I really hope it is just the wind and it hasn't died completely.  I love you, furnace!  Please, please keep working!

We've spent some quality time together in the last 24 hours

-- I f*%king hate spiders!!!  The cellar is full of them.  Each trip down to the furnace is nightmare-inducing.  

-- Well, at least the cake looks nice.

-- 9:30 pm.  I give.  Wind is still howling outside.  I'm cuddling under a blanket in front of the little electric heater. I'm closing every door in the house that I can to trap the heat in here with me.

-- Midnight.  Going to sleep on the couch in front of the heater.  Doesn't make sense to move it to my bedroom which is cold and start warming it up all over again.

-- Woke up at 2 am.  Jazz-kitty decided it was time to snuggle.

-- Think a plow went by some time around 4 am.  Something shook the house.

-- 6:48 am woken up by a text saying there will be a delayed opening at work.  Didn't get much sleep anyway.  Time to make some coffee.

The house was actually still pretty warm.  Thermostat was reading that it only dropped to 57.  I like to think that my "bake whatever I can" scheme helped.  In your face, naysayers!

And just about 21 hours later...

I have heat!!!!! Let the rejoicing begin!!!!

— Tammy (@tammyshampoo) March 15, 2017

Now to finish up that pesky snow removal.  Thank goodness for my Dad and his snowblower!

 My neighbor, Walt, and I had a discussion about opening a ski resort for the neighborhood wildlife.  Small yards lead to large piles of snow.  They are taller than me!

View from the cellar window during the last trip to visit the furnace in Spider Land

Snow removal in progress

There's my Dad!  And this pile in the front? Comes up to my chest.  I would guess about 4 feet high.  All the snow drifted onto my side of the driveway.

This is the view of my house from the street.

And just about noontime today the driveway was cleared and my car was free from its snowy cocoon. If my Dad hadn't come over I would probably still be outside shoveling.

I went to the store like half an hour later.  I just needed to get out of the damn house.  Coffee and cat food...the staples for keeping the peace in my house.

So, the last 24 hours pretty much sucked, Friends.  I try to make make my own fun and just suck it up and deal.  Nothing you can do but try to make the best of it when trapped in a shitty situation.  Let's look at it as a learning experience.  What deep insights can I take away from this mess?

1) I don't like being cold.  I don't mind the cold so much, but extended periods of time being cold is not fun.  I know, I know, "57 is not that cold!"  It really isn't.  But it still sucks.  That is no one's first choice of temperature to live in.

2) At least the furnace wasn't totally dead.  I was really worried and stressing over that.  The poor thing is like 50 years old.

3) Fun fact: I get cranky when I'm cold for extended periods of time and don't get any sleep. Like I was seriously bitchy before I had my coffee this morning.  Sometimes being single and living alone is a blessing in disguise. At least I didn't take it out on anyone but myself.

4) Choosing to stay home is relaxing.  Being trapped in the house is not.  I probably wouldn't have minded so much if I had heat.  As it was, I was so ready to go anywhere by the time I got my car cleaned today.

5) I never realized how popular my yard was with the neighborhood birds.  It's like the coolest hangout on the block!

I'd like to thank my dear brother for not telling me how great the weather is in Florida (he's there for work).  I'm sure the weather in Texas is also delightful if he is back home at this point. 

Did you get to enjoy the blizzard?  I hope things went smoother for you, Friends.  Appreciate your heat and the ability to get in your car and go whenever you wish.  I know I do.

Snow Day!

Hey there, Friends.

We're having a little bit of a winter storm here today, Friends.  I have the day off from work because of it.  I'm happy to have the day off, but I don't look forward to the snow removal process.  I was perfectly happy with the weather we were having yesterday.  Welcome to the Hudson Valley, Friends!  50 degrees yesterday, snow drifts as tall as my hip in the driveway today.

I woke up this morning and looked outside, hoping that maybe all the forecasts were wrong and we weren't going to get all of the snow.  My hopes were dashed rather quickly.  Imagine opening your front door to see that the snow is creeping onto your front porch, driven beneath the porch door by the wind.

Not what I want to see first thing in the morning.

Screw this.  Time to make some coffee before even thinking about dealing with the snow at all.

As I was in the kitchen making my much-needed coffee, I could hear the birds outside chirping and squeaking like crazy.  I really thought that one of the feral cats that roams the neighborhood was out there causing chaos.  No sign of any cats, but apparently the birds like to hang out on my back steps.

Shelter from the storm

After having some coffee I decided to bundle up and head on outside.  At the very least I was going to have to fill the bird feeder since I had a lot of feathered friends visiting.  Might as well take a wander down the street and check on the state of things while I'm out there.

The birds were definitely out, in full voice, and waiting for some food.

Hang in there, buddy.  I'm working on it!

I shot some video of my stroll for you, Friends.  Enjoy it from the warmth of your home.  (And if you're sitting on a tropical beach somewhere reading/watching this? Don't tell me.  Just know that I'm jealous.)

The tree creaking is seriously creepy

I'm pretty sure if I had to go to work today, I wouldn't have made it off of my street. If I did somehow manage to get there, I never would have been able to make it home again -- got to go up a pretty good hill in any direction

View from the top of one hill

The other direction is more picturesque

When the main roads look like that?  Pretty safe bet your is street is low on the priority list.

Those would be the hip-deep snow drifts forming in my driveway.

I shot some in slo-mo, too, just because it seemed pretty.  Well, until you hear the bizarre background noise that is the creaking trees.

Took this standing in the middle of my street. That's a 3 lane highway beyond the trees. FYI: don't go outside -- it's very cold! pic.twitter.com/iOSV2RumqO

— Tammy (@tammyshampoo) February 9, 2017

It wasn't until I had already determined that it was too damn cold to be outside for any longer that I bothered to check the weather.  We've covered this before,  but I honestly amaze myself at my continuing inability to look at the temperature before deciding to go outside.

Feels like 11.  I'd say that qualifies as cold.

Don't be like me, Friends.  If you're going to go out and prance about in the snow like a fool, check the weather first.  Maybe reconsider and go when it is a tad warmer, or put on more layers.

At least the birds are happy and fed now.

Enjoy, little guys!

I'm going to drink some more coffee and attempt to thaw out.  I'll have to go back out to deal with the snow removal and dig out my car at some point, but that can wait for a while.  

Enjoy your snow day if you have one,  If you have to go out in this: be careful and safe travels!  

In Which Instagram's #WHP Kicks My Ass

I love Instagram.  Some might say a little too much.  I'm not one of the people taking pictures of every meal they eat, or endless "selfies".  I tend more toward trying to capture places, or events, or nature -- trees in autumn, the way a moss-covered statue sort of blends in with its surroundings, the Dead End sign directly in front of a cemetery.  You get the idea.

If you are not familiar with Instagram, every Friday they post a Weekend Hashtag Project (#WHP).  They give you a topic or idea that you are supposed to work with over the weekend, and then you post your photo or video using the hashtag they have assigned.  It is really pretty cool to see how creative and inventive people can be, how many different ways people can interpret the same prompt.    At the end they feature what they think are the best submissions.

I try to enter when I have the time to do it.  I actually did get chosen as one of the featured submissions once, when they first rolled out the video feature.  The number of people "following" me went from like 12 friends and family members to a couple hundred.  It was insane!  Also, it happened while my niece and nephew were here visiting, so I got to be "cool" in front of them.  Thanks, Instagram!  Here is the video, if you'd like to see it.


This weekend Instagram posted a project to submit a video shot in slow motion. #WHPslowmotion  Excellent!  I really want to try this.

Except I have no idea how to shoot in slow motion. Best go back and read that write-up again, as I think it gave suggestions on how to accomplish this.

Okay, so it would appear that I need to get an app, since I don't have an iPhone 5S.    They suggest SloPro.  I assume Instagram knows what they are talking about, that this is the best one to use, so I get the app.

Now the hard part: what am I going to shoot that will look cool in slow motion?  Birds!  Birds flying in slo-mo will be pretty neat.  This, as it turns out, will be the easiest part of the whole project.  I stake out the birds in my back yard, and I record them.

Footage, check!

Now to use the SloPro app.

Not going to lie, I wasted quite a bit of time on this part.  Not a lot of directions or help were included on what the hell you are supposed to be doing to edit your footage.  Eventually I figure out how to clip it down to a more usable length.  I was a little nervous that I was probably going to screw up the only usable video I had might make a mistake, and I didn't see an "undo" feature.  Also, there was a wee bit of poor planning on my part.  While recording my bird footage, I kind of spaced on the fact that it was going to take longer to watch in slow-motion.   Yeah.  Little oopsie on my part.  Turns out a minute and a half of footage is way more than you could ever possibly need for a 15 second Instagram video in slow motion.

Moving on.

After a large amount of time -- more than I will ever admit to here -- I get it down to 28 seconds of slow motion video.  Alright, feeling good!  I just want to save it to my camera roll.  I'll pick the 15 seconds to show when I post it to Instagram.   Except, as it turns out, you can't just save it to your camera roll.  You can post it to several places -- Vine, Viddy, Youtube, to name a few -- but not save it to your iPhone.  The option is there, but it is not available.

I click on it anyway.  Turns out you have to buy the app for $3.99 to be able to save to your camera roll.  Mother f@#$ing figures.  You win, SloPro, you win.  I just wasted hours of my life too much of my time on this to not be able to save the damn video.  Here's your money.  Just let me save my damn video.

Now I go to Instagram to post.  Beautiful, lovely Instagram where everything makes sense and there are no problems.  I get the video, I chose the part I want, get all the way to the preview and what the heck has happened to my video?!?!  It looked fine when I was choosing which part I wanted to use, but in preview it looks completely distorted.  I don't have the slightest idea what happened.  It looks almost like I shot it with a fish-eye lens.  I know what I am supposed to be viewing, and I am hard pressed to tell what I am looking at.  I didn't use a filter for fear of messing things up, but something has gone horribly wrong in any case.

I will spare you the gory details where I cursed out SloPro many, many times.  After repeatedly saving different versions of the video, and getting the same spectacularly screwed up results when trying to post to Instagram, I was more than a little frustrated.  I had also spent too much time on this to NOT post this freaking video.  I had it saved to my camera roll now, so maybe I just needed a different app to get it to be normal when I use it with Instagram.

As much as I was hating SloPro at the moment, they might also have helped me dodge a bullet.  Poor planning point #2:  I totally forgot about the background noise.  After watching the same slo-mo bird video over, and over, and over, I realized that the soundtrack was a scintillating composition created of equal parts of me breathing and the melodic sound of traffic on the highway in the distance.  Yes, it did warn about that in the initial Instagram post.  No comments from the peanut gallery.  No one likes a know-it-all.

Fantastic.  Time to hit up Google and find out how to add music to an Instagram video.  I cannot post this video the way it is.  One of the first results is for the app Video Star.  It's got good ratings and, best of all, it is free. I like free, especially after having to bribe SloPro to let me save my video.

So I get the Video Star app.  This looks a little more complicated than I anticipated.  However, to their credit, they have an easy to find Help section, and lots of tutorials for doing fancy things to videos.  It's really a shame that I do not care about multi-layered anything at this point.  I just want to put some music to my damn bird video and post this shit to Instagram.  Is that too much to ask?

Yes, yes it is.

I get the snippet of music I want to use with the video.  Turns out you can take it directly from the music on your phone.  Fantastic!  I thought that was going to be the hard part, that I was going to have to scour the internet for free music that wasn't going to get me sued into oblivion for using it.  What I cannot find, however, is the option to use a video that I already have on my phone.

I waste a lot more time reading through the "how to create a video" section and watching tutorials.  I don't see anything about using a video you already have on your phone.  I'm pretty sure that I could now create a video of my cat sleeping, complete with computer generated flowers blossoming around the edge of the frame, while the dulcet tones of Metallica's Enter Sandman speed her off to little kitty dreamland in the background.  What I cannot figure out how to do is use a video that I already have on my damn phone.

Back to Google we go.  I literally searched "how to import video from iphone to videostar".  My brain was shot by this point.  I just wanted this over and the video posted.  I find a review of the app, and it is there that I learn that you cannot import video that you have already taken.  Are you kidding me?  Are you freaking kidding me?  GAAHHHHH!!!!!

The same lovely review mentions that iMovie is still the best for doing fine editing, adding music, using video you already have, and probably some other stuff but I stopped reading at that point.  iMovie, you say?  I really hope that isn't something you can only get when you buy an Apple computer.  Back to the App Store we go to search for iMovie.

Success!!  Thank you Apple for having an app for that!

And it costs $4.99.

Screw it.  I'm buying it.  I do not care how much it costs at this point!  This sounds like the magical app that is going to solve all of my problems.

So I open iMovie.  I swear to God a choir of little angels should have been playing!  Thank you Apple for making it pretty damn self-explanatory and easy to use.  You can hit one freaking button and get prompts for what everything on the screen does.

Apple, I love you so much right now.  

No lie, using iMovie it took about 15 minutes to edit that video and add music.  Saved it to my camera roll, posted it to Instagram, and it all worked perfectly.  Perfectly!!  If I could reach into my phone and hug an app right now I totally would.

When I think of how long it took to do this, the wasted time and effort I spent on this stupid "fun" project, I could cry.  And the video?  Not anything spectacular.  But I did it.  I realize there are probably pre-teens out there who can knock out a much better video in a fraction of the time, probably with one hand tied behind their back and blindfolded.  I do not care!  I freaking did it!

Here is the masterpiece.  Try not to be overcome by how spectacularly boring it is.  Or to wonder how in the world it took me so long to only come up with this as the result.

 Click to view my labor of love. The bane of my existence. You know you want to. Click me!!

In summary:  Just buy iMovie and save yourself a world of trouble.

**Turns out you can make a whole slow-motion video on iMovie in seconds too -- from start to finish.  Just discovered that now.  F@#$ing figures.**

Creepy Deer

So first there needs to be a little back story here...

About a month ago I was talking to the neighbor that shares my back property line.  He was removing a bunch of trees (which is good because then they won't fall on my garage again!), and I had gone to take a look.

Now, my back yard is tiny.  On the short walk to the back fence I noticed these weird piles of poo in my yard.  It wasn't from a dog or a cat, both of which I have seen wandering through the neighborhood on a fairly regular basis.  It looked too big to be from a squirrel, groundhog or possum, which are the only other animals I have seen.

My neighbor tells me it must be from the deer.  He swears they are here all of the time, hanging out in the yards.  I agreed with him, but I really thought he was wrong.  We live in a little neighborhood between 2 major roadways.  There aren't really any big wooded areas for the deer to hang out in during the day.  They would have to be like commuter deer or something that came from Elsewhere.  I've been here two and a half years and I have never seen a deer in the yard.

Now fast-foward to last night.

It was about 1 in the morning.  I was getting ready to go to bed, turning off the lights and double-checking that I had locked the front and back doors of the house.  It was a clear night, and you could still see everything outside pretty well because it was just a full moon not too long ago,  and all of the snow makes things brighter.

I was in the kitchen, turned off the light, and I was double-checking that I had locked the back door that leads to the back porch.  I happened to look through the door window and through the back porch door into the yard.  I saw this big black shadow in the yard.

OMG!  WTF is in my yard?!

I didn't want to turn on the light and alert whatever was out there that I had seen it.  All I could see was a big shadow and most of it was legs.

I made sure the door was locked, and then I crept around to the back bedroom to get a better view into the yard from the window in there.

There they were, about 6 feet from my back porch: two deer, eating the bird food off of the ground.  Holy crap, my neighbor was telling the truth!

They looked enormous!  It took me a minute to figure it out.  The snow is so hard, because we had a lot of ice and sleet in the last storm, that you don't sink into it at all.  You can walk across my yard without leaving a foot print at this point.  The deer, one in particular, looked so tall because they were standing on a pile of snow!  One was almost as tall as my garage roof!

They were happily muching away, and then the bigger of the two would swing the bird feeder with its head and spill more of the bird food onto the snow.

Well, I had to get my phone to get a picture of this.  Wildlife!  Up close and personal in my yard!

So I made my way back through the house in the dark to get my phone, and snuck back into the bedroom.  Yup, deer are still there.

I thought there was enough light outside to get a picture without using the flash, but it didn't work.  All I got was a black square for my troubles.  Hmm.  Maybe my digital camera would work, if I put it on the black and white setting?  So I went and got that as well.

No dice.

What now?  I decided to try one with the flash.  The deer probably wouldn't really see it or notice, since I was inside and there is a bush  in front of the window to screen me from their sight a bit, right?

Wrong!

The flash goes off, and I end up with a crappy picture of the window screen.

The deer both freeze.

Then, in what seemed like slow motion,  they both look up and turn and stare directly at the window.

I swear, I think they saw me!  It was so creepy!

The three of us were frozen in this weird staring contest for a minute or so, and then they apparently decided I was not a threat and went right back to eating again.

I decided that was enough happy fun time with the creepy deer for one night, and I went to bed.

This morning when I left for work I had to refill the bird feeder.  They emptied the entire thing!

So tonight I am doing an experiment.  I am leaving the light on the back porch on to see if they are brazen enough to come in the yard when the light is on.  If they do I am hoping that the porch light will make it possible to get a picture of them eating all of my bird food.

Isn't this exciting?  Do you feel involved in my weird problems?

Stay tuned for further developments!

Jazz

Meet Jazz-kitty.  (aka Jazmine).

Hello, new people!

Jazzie thinks she is a fearsome and mighty hunter.  So far her "kills" are a stink bug and a moth.  She does not eat them, she just plays with them until they are dead.

Jazz-kitty thinks she wants to play with the birds.  She spends a fair amount of the day running from window to window, watching the birds and talking to them.  She also gets herself in a fair amount of trouble when she decides to climb the screens on the porch windows to get a better view.

I'm pretty sure Jazzie would be surprised if she could see how big her bird friends (mostly crows) are when she is up close and personal with them.  Her bigger problem, however, is that she is afraid of the door.  

And the outside.  

And loud noises.

And strangers.

So unless a bird somehow flies into the house, there is very little chance she will ever get to meet one.

She keeps waiting, day after day.  Watching the birds and hurling herself at the windows.

I tried carrying her out into the back yard.  She was okay at first, then a loud truck drove by and she freaked and I bled.  It won't be happening again very soon.  She won't get too close to the porch doors now.  I think she is afraid that I will make her go back out into the cold, cruel world.

It's hard to be Jazzie.  For now, she takes her tiny frustrations out on her feathered bird toys.  (Why yes, she is very spoiled.)

Birds -- rest easy.  The mighty hunter will not be out to get you any time soon.