Oh, Monday!

Friends, this will not be news to the majority of you, but Mondays kind of suck.

It's the beginning of the work week.  You're getting back into the swing of things after the weekend. It seems like there are always more problems that have to be dealt with on Mondays.  No matter how positive you start out, Monday is most likely going to be the day that tries to destroy your spirit.

Generally, or maybe I'm just lucky, you can find at least one of your friends that seems to not be having a shit day and talk to and/or text with them.  They can cheer you up, talk you down, give you advice -- whatever you might be needing at the time.  Maybe you just want a like-minded soul to commiserate with and discuss how things seem to be bad all over.  Hopefully you have someone to fill that role in your life.  Sometimes just getting it out of your system is all you need to do to feel better about the state of your little corner of the universe.

Today seems to have been a little rough for a lot of people. I'm basing this on the fact that every one I heard from made reference to needing to acquire and/or consume beverages of the alcoholic variety after the day they had.

That sounds bad.  I should clarify that I am not a lush and my friends are not alcoholics.  No one was in a happy place.  That's the main point.

I feel the need to somehow try to make everyone's day a little bit brighter.

How do I propose to do that?  By sharing some super-awesome poems and artwork that I created when I was 8 years old. My mother kept everything my brother and I ever did in Memory Boxes, and gave us each our respective boxes once we were adults.  Please allow me to share a couple of my newly recovered masterpieces with you.  These were included in a year long project, under the title "Poems".

Check out that unicorn!  Poor thing didn't even get a nose or mouth.

Unicorn

Long horn

Is make believe

He lives by the trees to

He lives by the trees of the elves

Stars

Not so much a poem as a random bunch of words strewn about.  I do love that I felt the need to label the unicorn as such in blue crayon, just in case the teacher couldn't tell what my creation was meant to represent.

My second offering:

Gnomes -- complete with the back-end of the unicorn jumping into the poem.

Gnomes

Small men

Small men with beards

Small men like little elves

Gnomes give presents to people

Gnomes

I must have been reading a lot of fantasy books when I was eight.  I think I might have had them confused with Santa's elves, as I cannot think of a story where gnomes willingly give gifts to people.  I also notice he lacks a beard, although I did specifically mention that in the poem.  Good thing I once again labeled my fine work with blue crayon!

It also reminds me of the time my nephew forgot what elves are called, and referred to them as "Santa's midget clowns".  Granted he was five, but it was so cute, and I still refer to him as my midget clown.  Can a general confusion about elves be hereditary?  

Did I manage to cheer you up? Maybe you cracked a smile? If nothing else I hope your day is at least infinitesimally better than it was before you read this.

Happy Monday, Friends!

Lucky Number 13

This flag will be coming down immediately.  People are taking it too literally.

I was lucky enough to have the day off today.  My big plans were to sit and relax with my coffee this morning, then go out shopping with my mother later.  Nothing fancy -- she needs decorations for the Moose Lodge, I need to track down candy to try to make candy sushi later this week for a cake.    I call my mother, we make plans, she'll drive and pick me up.  Stores are probably going to be crazy.

Around 11:45 I'm checking out Facebook, drinking coffee.  House is quiet, it's sunny so the lights aren't on. The cats are sleeping or watching the birds -- it's peaceful.

*Ding Dong*

I'm not expecting anyone other than my mother, and it is too early for her to be here.  I can see my front door from where I am on the laptop, and I see the silhouette of a woman in a coat and fancy hat at the door.  My mind immediately screams "Jehovahs!", as they are always nicely dressed when they show up.

Hell no, I'm not opening that door!

I freeze.  No movement will take place.  I shall play possum and hope she goes away.

*knock knock knock*

I duck behind the screen of the laptop, thankful that I wasn't listening to music or playing a game or on any kind of website that makes noise.

*swishhhh*

And something slides under the door, and I see her leave.

Not moving yet, and definitely not opening the door.  She could be lying in wait out there, like a ninja ready to silently pop out and get me.

10 minutes go by....

I creep into my bedroom to look out the window.  They are still there.  Their car is parked directly in front of my house.  Damn!

Grab the phone and creep to the back of my house, just to be sure they don't hear me and realize I am home.  I call my mother:

"Houston, we have a problem.  Jehovahs are encamped in front of my house.  Please delay leave time by at least 15 minutes.  We'll see if this obstacle removes itself."

Eventually their car leaves, about 10 minutes later.

I sneak out onto the front porch -- no sign of them or the car anywhere on the street.  I decide it is probably safe to bring the garbage and recycling cans back up from the street.  I grab the recycling can and make a break for the garage in the back.

No problems, and still no sign of them.  Lulled into a false sense of security, I wander back to the front to grab the garbage can.  Halfway back up the driveway I hear:  "Hello!  Hello Dear!"

I turn around and there it is, the car full of four ladies -- the ladies I have been avoiding.  It's stopped at the bottom of my driveway.  Shit.

I pause to assess the situation, and the driver says something, but I can't really hear it.  All I can make out is the word "library".  Oh fuck me, my cover is now blown.  So I head toward the car and tell them I didn't hear what they said.

Driver:  I said, you work at the library don't you?
Me: Yes I do.
Driver:  I thought I recognized you!
Me: *from the back, walking up my driveway?!  Creepy!*  Yup, you were right!
Driver:  Tell me, did you get the pamphlet that this lady left under your door?
Me: Yes I did.
Driver: Tell me, have you gotten one of these already?  Have other people been through here recently with this pamphlet?

Look familiar, folks?  

This would be the point where I mentally begin kicking myself, as apparently even when I am not at work I can't help but be a helpful source of information to people.  Also, I'm thinking at least one of my neighbors must be less than amused at the constant visits and told one of the ladies that they already had this material.  Probably in a nicer way than I would have.

Me:  Yes, actually.  I got one of those left under my door last week, I believe.
Driver:  Last week?
Me:  Day after Halloween.  I didn't see anyone, but I found it on my porch and it wasn't there the day before.
Driver: Huh.  Someone must have been here already.

And at that point I think I am off the hook.  I'd like to think there is some level of coordination that must have gone wrong, and someone didn't report back that they had tried to save my street already.

I start to back away, and the older lady in the passenger seat chirps up..

Lady: What are those symbols you are wearing on your neck, dear?
Me: *WTF.  Are we not done here?*  My necklaces?
Lady:  Yes, that top one in particular.

These would be the "symbols" being discussed.

Me:  It's a crow.  See?  *And now I have to move back up to the car, and turn it sideways so she can see it is a crow's head.*

Lady:  Oh.  I didn't realize that.  And what's that other one, a turtle?

Me: Yes, it's a turtle.  I like crows and turtles.

Lady:  Oh.  They're...nice.

Me: Thanks! *smile*

Lady: Well, we have to be going now.

Me: Have a nice day!

And as they pulled away I swear I heard her say something about my "symbols" meaning something.

So now I have probably offered proof that I am the Spawn of Satan, and my "symbols" are probably a sign that I am in a cult, or a witch, or the like.  Awesome.  I'm sure that won't make them come back even more to try saving me. Added bonus that it can now be awkward as hell when the patron comes to the library and we both try not to acknowledge her little visit to my house.

And that, friends, is the story of my thirteenth visit by the Jehovah's Witnesses in three years.  

The Chronology of a Monday

I don't know about you, but lately my Mondays seem to really stink.  Anything and everything that could go wrong always seems to happen on a Monday.  Maybe it's just me.  Maybe you have awesome Mondays and think they are the best day of the week.

Today was not a good day.  Everyone thinks that when you work in a library it must be such a nice, quiet place where nothing ever happens and you sit and read books all day long.  That is certainly not the reality of the library I work in, or any other public library I have visited.  

So why don't we all discuss how crap-tastic our Monday was?  I'll go first.  It can be like group therapy or something.  (I have no idea if it will be like group therapy, having never been to group therapy, but people venting their frustrations should be a good thing, right?)  And hey -- if you managed to have a fantastic Monday, feel free to share that, too!  It would be nice to know that someone had a good day.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

1) Immediately upon opening the doors at work this morning the first problem was presented.  Literally less than a minute after opening, the very first patron  through the door tells us that the police had just been in the parking lot, asking if anyone had heard  gun shots.  They said no, and the patrol car took off.  This is worrisome because:

     a) There could be a gun-toting loony shooting outside.

     b) Should we even be open, giving them a very public place to hide and/or several targets in one place?

     c) I don't live that far from work.  My neighborhood is already a hot mess.  I do not need to worry about being shot.  I am rather fond of being free of bullet holes, and I would very much like to stay that way.

2) Next patron tells us that there is a tornado watch until 5pm.  WTF.  We haven't even been open for 10 minutes yet.  Could we possibly slow down the cheerful tidings a bit?

3) Coworker finds this thing in the staff area.  We have had enough weird-ass bug problems that we literally have a bug jar to trap them in.  This thing was too big to even fit in the bug jar.  I'm thinking it is the biggest black cricket I have ever seen -- like the original, primordial cricket.  I took it outside and released it back into nature.  Whatever it is, I do not want it pissed at me.

So hoping it is really a cricket

4) Patron returns a bunch of wet books and dvds, covered with what can only be described as clear slime.  She says she doesn't know how they got like that.  I point out to her that her entire bag is soaking wet and covered in goo.  She says, "Yeah.  Sorry," and throws the goo-bag back into her baby stroller with the baby and leaves.  Now I get to deal with a bunch of goo-covered items, and the desk has a puddle of slime.  Awesome.

5)  The computers start acting up, being more temperamental than usual.  I watch mine do a slow crash, as everything on the screen very slowly disappears from top to bottom to reveal a completely blank desktop.  A coworker whom had just been logged in is now being told her password is incorrect.  Multiple tries before it will successfully let her back in.  The rate this day is going, I think the computers might be becoming self-aware.  It will not surprise me if Agent Smith or a Terminator walks through the door.

6) Sanity break for lunch, wherein I flee the building and keep telling myself, "The day is almost over.  The day is almost over.  Just a few more hours."

7) Within 15 minutes of returning from lunch I am confronted by an older gentleman who has decided that it is a perfectly good idea to partially disrobe and adjust his clothing in the middle of the library, right in front of the book return.  Seriously?  There is a men's room not more than 50 feet from where you are standing. But no, of course it is a much better idea to handle your business in the middle of the floor, with all kinds of patrons and children around.   I mean he had his belt undone, pants unzipped and was adjusting himself and tucking his shirt back in.   W.T.F.  I'll just put that in the Things I Never Wanted to See category, and try to erase the memory of your boxers from my brain.  I may need a drink later.

8) It decides to rain.  Hard.  Like get really black outside and rain so hard the parking lot looks like a lake for a little bit.  Soaking wet patrons, soaking wet items being returned, and the entire library starts to smell like a giant wet dog.  Imagine what a fun place that is to be.

9) On top of all of this, our security company was in doing work on our system for the majority of the day.  We had no idea they were coming.  They tried to stay out of the way, and actually did a pretty good job.  I really didn't mind their presence at all until pieces of ceiling tile rained down upon my head while I was at the circulation desk.  The only place in the entire building where the ceiling tile crumbles and pieces fall, and it is over my head?  I have obviously done something to piss off a higher power.  

10) Just when I think I am nearing my escape, I get to stay at work for an extra hour.  I can only blame myself for this one.  Due to a scheduling problem they had to shift staff around, and I did kind of volunteer my staying as a solution to cover a hole in the schedule.  Obviously, I am a glutton for punishment.  Or crazy.  Maybe both.  I had hit that point where you think to yourself, "Screw it.  What else can possibly happen?"  Definitely time to make more coffee.

I eventually made my escape, without further incidents.  I got home, thinking I had reached a blissfully peaceful place.  I should have known the day was not done with me yet.

11) Cat drama.  One of the neighborhood feral cats whom I call Mama, as she had kittens last year, came to pay a visit this evening.  Normally this is not a problem.  She hangs out in the backyard all of the time, eyeballing the bird feeder, or just sleeping in the shade.  I leave water out for her in the summer when it is super hot, or when it hasn't rained in a long time.  My two cats could not be less interested in her.  Jazz-kitty in particular has watched her countless times from the window, never once puffing up or making a peep.  Usually she acts more like she wants to make a new friend.  

Jazz-kitty being awesome

Tonight, apparently, a line was crossed.  As I am typing this, relaxing and being grateful that the day is over, I hear this weird little mewling/growling noise.  Wiz is passed out asleep by my feet.  Now I'm thinking Jazz-kitty has managed to get stuck somewhere, or hurt herself.  Nope.  I find her on the back porch, puffed up, making weird little noises and backing away from the screen door.  There on the other side of the door, standing on her back feet, front paws and her little nose pressed against the screen, is Mama Cat peeking into the house.  Jazz flees the scene as soon as I get to the back porch.  She has never met another cat (beside Wiz) and has zero clue what to do.  She obviously will not be a great defender if I need her.  Mama Cat goes down the back stairs, sits in the driveway, and just stares at the house.  

Well, shit.  

I can't let her in.  I don't think she has ever been to the vet, so she could have who knows what wrong with her that I don't want my cats to get.  She can't be thirsty, as the rain very nicely filled up the bowl I had left outside for her.  She doesn't appear to be hurt.  So I give her a bowl of dry food, and she goes to town munching away.  Poor thing!  Who knows how long it has been since she last ate.  

Jazz-kitty reappears, apparently realizing that her food had been given away to an interloper.  I expect her to start spazzing out again, getting all defensive.  Nope. She just jumps up in the window, lays down, and watches Mama Cat eating in the driveway.  She doesn't puff up, doesn't make a peep.  So apparently everybody is cool as long as Mama Cat doesn't come near the door to the house.  

Hopefully this is the end of my excitement for they day.  I know it isn't really, as Jazz-kitty will now be running from window to window for the rest of the night, investigating any shadow or sound outside.  If that is all the drama that is left for today, I will be happy.

So how was your Monday?