Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Please Don't Ask Me

Hey, Friends.

There is nothing I dread more than someone asking me what I think of the new guy they are dating. Maybe that makes me a terrible person, but it's the truth. Close friends that I've known for years? Go right ahead.  I know you well enough to go there, and I've probably met the guy several times and know him at least a little bit by this point.

If we aren't really that close?  Please don't ask, and my opinion should have zero relevance.

1) Does he make you happy?
2) Does he treat you well?
3) Does he seem like a decent human being?

There you go.  I'm happy that you're happy.  Please leave it at that and let's not delve any deeper.

I found myself in this situation recently, in case you hadn't figured that out by now. It was so uncomfortable!  This wasn't a close friend by any measure, and I had met the guy on accident a couple of times when we happened to be in the same place at the same time.

It was odd to me that she was even asking my opinion.  We don't see each other all that often.  I don't feel like I know her well enough to even gauge if she was asking because she really wanted an outside perspective, or if she was just looking to be told what she wanted to hear.

Thankfully she didn't press the issue, just started gushing about how wonderful he is, all the great things that make him so fantastic.  I'm happy for her.  She went through a really bad end to a 4 year relationship a few months ago.  I'm more than willing to sit and listen to her excitedly talk about him for as long as she wants.

But when she got to the part where they are already planning a vacation together?  I had to ask if that wasn't moving a little fast.  I don't want to rain on her parade by any means, but that seems rushed to me. They have only been seeing each other a couple of months. She, of course, thought otherwise and went on at length to explain why they thought it was a great idea.

I told her to go for it then.  They had obviously put some thought into it and were convinced it was a fabulous idea.  Clearly nothing I said was going to change her mind if she practically bit my head off for daring to ask the question.

She talked about him for a while more before we parted ways.  I told her I was glad she was so happy, and he seemed like a good guy.  He really does from what she said and from the couple of times I met him. I'm happy to see her so happy again. She made it very clear that she thought he was made of all things awesome and that any thought to the contrary was wrong and unwanted.

I hope that the next time I see her they are still together.  I honestly do.  I want to see her continued happiness, and I hope it works out for them.

However, I also won't be surprised if it all falls apart before they ever take that vacation.  I don't know her that well, but even I can tell that he is just screaming "rebound".  He's pretty much the polar opposite of her ex in every way.  The things she listed as these fantastic qualities he possesses right now are the same things I have listened to her bitch and rant about before -- things that annoy her to no end. What do I know?  They say opposites attract.

Back to my point, if I ever had one.

Why do we put our friends in these situations?  I can understand asking a close friend if you really want to hear their opinion, someone who knows you really well and who you know will tell it like it is.  I know how helpful that can be, especially if there is some inner doubt within yourself.  But random acquaintances?  It is so awkward. Say anything less than flattering about the guy and you end up pissing off your friend and/or hurting her feelings.  And there is also the possibility that she is going to repeat that shit if the relationship lasts. At the same time, do you really want to encourage someone in a direction that doesn't seem like it's going to work out?  You don't want her to rush into another heartbreak.  (If he seems like he's abusive all bets are off -- I'm straight up telling you that whether you want to hear it or not.)

Maybe it's just me.  Maybe I suck at this type of thing.  I'm single and probably the last person you should be asking.  I've kissed my fair share of frogs without finding a prince. I excel at attracting the wrong guy.

So please don't ask me.  Spare us both from the awkwardness that I will inevitably bring to that conversation no matter how much I try to avoid it.

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