Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Hey, Friends.

I went to see the movie Pride and Prejudice and Zombies tonight.  In case you haven't already guessed at this point, I'm going to tell you how I felt about it.  I'll do my best to try and avoid any big spoilers for those who are going to go and see it, but it probably won't be entirely possible.

Therefore:

If you want to be sure to avoid any kind of spoilers, stop reading now!

I think I've made myself clear.

The movie was fun.  Was it spectacular, or even what I was expecting?  No. No it was not.

I love Jane Austen, but I am by no means a purist about her books.  Pride and Prejudice is a great story because the core of it is so strong that you can still successfully adapt it and change it. Human nature is human nature, no matter what time period. You can set it in the modern day and it would translate.  You can even add zombies and it will work.  I really enjoyed the novel version of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith.  Heck, I even read the graphic novel version as well. It still made sense even with zombie and ninja skills added in. (I'm going to refer to the movie and book of the same title as PPZ from now on, as I am already getting tired of typing the whole thing out every time.)

Now we are going to discuss the movie, Friends.  If you ignored my earlier warning, then you really need to stop reading now before I potentially ruin it for you.

Still reading?  It's your own fault from here on out.

I thought the actors were great.  The zombie make-up and effects were well done. If you're squeamish about the potential of lots of blood and gore?  You don't need to worry.  There really is not all that much of it, which would be a con if you were going into this thinking, "at least I'll get some good zombie violence."  No, you really won't.

My biggest problem with the movie is the plot.  I'm not talking about changes from the original Pride & Prejudice by Austen either -- that still manages to echo through.  I'm talking about changes from the book version of PPZ.  

When they say at the beginning that it is based on the novel, they are not kidding.  It is really loosely based on that book.  There might actually be more of the original book in the movie than the PPZ book.

Two of my favorite bits of the novel-version were left out entirely.  

1) The ridiculous idea that zombies could confuse cauliflower with brains.  I loved that part of the book, and if you accepted the fact that the zombies (also called "unmentionables", "dreadfuls" and "stricken") were dumb enough to fall for that ploy then it actually worked.  It kind of made sense as a readily-available means of protection.  It was just silly.  It kind of set the tone for how the book was going to go.

2) Charlotte Lucas.  Her whole plot line is pretty much non-existent in the movie version.  Just wiped away after her purpose is served in getting Elizabeth to meet Lady Catherine.  I was really sad that it wasn't included. Mr. Collins is probably happy bout it though, as it changed his role as well.

What was there was a hot mess and a lot of things that were not in the book at all. The least spoilery (is that a word?  It is now.) way to describe it is to focus on one character.

Wickham.  What the f%^k was up with that plot line?  Wickham and the gentlemen with the top hats.  I'm really trying to keep this as vague as possible so as not to ruin it for anyone -- even though they obviously cannot follow directions if they are still reading at this point.   That was ridiculous.  The novel version of PPZ gave him a much more fitting end.  I was with it up to a point. I was willing to go with it and see where it was headed.  The Big Reveal just wasn't big.  It was kind of obvious.  I'm pretty sure the point of the entire thing was to have an excuse to blow shit up, and have some epic zombie battle.  Except there really wasn't an epic zombie battle.  Don't even get me started on the bit at the very end with the credits.  That was asinine.  Way to jump the freaking shark.  I sincerely hope that was not meant to lead up to a sequel.  

Was it a fun movie?  Yeah.  I could have waited to see it on Netflix or dvd and would have enjoyed it just as much.  It had a couple humorous moments -- they still got Mr. Darcy to go swimming in a pond.  In my opinion, it failed to find the weird parody humor of the book.  It tried too hard to be a serious zombie movie, and then it didn't really deliver on that.

That's just my opinion, Friends.  Feel free to disagree with me.  By all means go see the movie if you wish.  I'm not trying to stop you. Maybe you'll feel the opposite and think it is the most awesome thing you have ever seen.

Cringe Wall

I like to read the reviews by other users on Amazon.  If you have never bothered, you need to check it out. 

There are people who write intelligent, well-thought out and rational reviews.  These can be very helpful in deciding whether or not you want to bother reading a particular book let alone spend your $$ on it.  There are the reviews that are so crazily positive that you wonder if the writer knows the author, if the writer perhaps is the author under a different name, or works for the publisher.  There are the negative reviews that make you wonder why the person ever bought the book if they hate it that much,  if the writer knows the author and hates them as a person, or if it is someone who just gets their kicks out of writing mean things on the internet.  All of them are valid, and can be helpful or amusing.

Then we have the reviews by the people who can't spell or stray so completely off topic as to no longer resemble anything like what they were meant to be.  They might be good or bad, but I put them into their own special category because after a certain point I can no longer take seriously any criticism that might have been made about the book. 

A couple of typos I can forgive and ignore.  When the entirety of the review is 2 or 3 sentences long and filled with misspellings  and other errors?  We are done.  Maybe the reviewer is a genius -- doesn't matter.  If you are writing a review trashing someone else because you think they are a horrible writer and you keep spelling things incorrectly while doing so, then I have to wonder how you feel qualified to judge whether something is poorly written. 

I just read a review that I am pretty sure was meant to be scathing, but there was no way I could take it seriously.  A review titled something like "A Big Looser, All About a Looser" is ridiculous.  Obviously you meant loser, looking at the context of the review.  Do you realize the difference the extra "o" makes?  I think we know who the loser here is, pal, and it isn't the published author.  The word quickly?  Not quicle...at least I am assuming that is what the word was meant to be.  Also, I honestly don't know how gay marriage got involved in a book about a guy struggling through rehab/screwing his boss's wife.  No other review even remotely touched on the subject, and you took off on quite the rant.

I can amuse myself for quite a while reading reviews, but after a time I start to hit the Cringe Wall.   You are not familiar with the Cringe Wall?  I bet you are, you just don't have a nifty name for it.  You have encountered it before: reading reviews on Amazon, public comments on a news story or website, etc. There are 4 main steps in reaching the Cringe Wall -- at least in my experience.

1)  At first you are amused by the misspellings, you assume it is all typos.  After a while it gets annoying, but it can take a bit depending on your mood and the frequency of the typos.  This is the internet, so perhaps some of these nice people are commenting in a second or third language, and you have to cut them some slack.

2)  Now it is starting to bug you that people can't even be bothered to check their spelling, or the facts in the material upon which they are commenting (like the author's name, or a specific fact in an article). Simple things that you would think people would like to get right, especially if they are posting it under their name -- sometimes even their real-world name!

**The next 2 steps can happen in the order listed or vice-versa if you can push through the Cringe Wall and continue reading.**

3) You start to notice that the number of posts that are riddled with mistakes far outnumber the few that are spelled correctly and are at least marginally on-topic.  This causes you to seriously wonder whether everyone else is stupid, or if you are much smarter than you ever realized.

4) Eventually you get to be a bit horrified.  You start to ponder how badly the American school system is doing, and how many generations have been impacted by its slow deterioration.  You have hit the Cringe Wall -- the point at which you must stop reading before your brain explodes or you lose all respect for your fellow humans. 

For example, I often hit the Cringe Wall when I am reading the comments on a news story and someone from another country has to correct an American citizen on how our government works.  I don't care what part of the political spectrum was trying to make the point.  It is a sad, sad day for this country when someone from Australia has to explain to an American that we have 3 branches of government, for example.  Basic shit that I assumed everyone learned in elementary school.