Sunday, March 8, 2015

The Shamrock Shake Tried to Kill Me

First things first:  I realize that fast food is not good for you.  I go to McDonalds literally one time per year, and that is to get my Shamrock Shake.  I realize it is full of crap and contains precious little (if any) nutritional value.  It is, however, a bright green cup of deliciousness.  I think an annual trip is allowable.

So, so green.  It is pictured on the roof of my car, which is light green, for comparison.

Yesterday I decided to make my annual trip to get my Shamrock Shake.  I'd already been outside on a 3 mile walk in the cold, so I felt like that was as good a time as any to splurge out on the insane amount of calories that were going to be in that shake.  I got a salad also to try to make it a marginally nutritious meal.

I finished running my errands and went home to savor my shake in peace.  It was minty and delicious as always, but much greener than I remember.

About an hour later my stomach starts making horrible gurgling noises.  It feels like a lead brick is just sitting in my stomach.  WTF.

I have to assume it was the Shamrock Shake.  I eat salad all of the time so that really shouldn't be a factor.  I assume even McDonalds cannot screw up lettuce too badly.

I got on my treadmill for a mile, hoping that would speed up whatever horrible digestive atrocity was going on in my stomach.  Maybe I'm weird, but that sometimes makes me feel better.

It helped a tiny bit.  The noises stopped at least.

I was still feeling bad enough an couple hours later that I went out to get a Coke.  I got a really bad stomach bug in college one semester, and the health center recommended drinking a flat Coke as a good remedy.  I'm serious.  I don't know if that was a total placebo that they sold me on or if there is actual wisdom behind it, but it seems to work.  It might also mean I am gullible and will try anything to feel better.

Flat Coke be damned, it was still a good 18 hours before I remotely felt like trying to eat anything again.  Maybe the high crap factor in the shake was having a war with the healthy veggies in the salad.  Maybe I should know better than to ingest anything that is fluorescent green.  Maybe I was already destined to have a 24 hour stomach bug regardless of what I ate yesterday.  I don't know.

I do know that I will not be making my annual pilgrimage next year.  Not to hate on McDonalds, but I'm not lovin' it.  

Fast food bad.  

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