There are some obscenities used in this entry. If that is going to offend your delicate sensibilities, or warp the fragile little mind of a child reading over your shoulder, then I suggest you leave right now. Consider yourself warned.
So I went out to eat at a local diner tonight. The people sitting behind and to the right of me were having a very loud conversation the entire time I was there. From what I heard, they seemed to be on a date -- I'm thinking first, possibly second date.
The part I found the most interesting was that they didn't seem to be eating anything, only drinking. I'm thinking they had already had a few before I ever arrived and that's why they were talking so loudly -- the diner certainly was not noisy enough for them to be speaking as loudly as they were.
The enlightening conversation seemed to revolve mostly around drinking, what they liked to drink, how much they could drink, etc,; and it was all taking place amidst a sea of profanities. If I am saying it was a lot of profanities, you best believe it was a lot of profanities because that normally does not phase me.
Allow me to share a sampling of the dazzling repartee:
Female: What the hell are you drinking? Oh god, that's fuckin' disgusting!
Male: hahaha Not it's not! I like it! huhuhuh
Female: That's like Mexican piss in a bottle. It's gross.
Male: Maybe I like drinking piss. hahahaha
Female: I can't believe you drink fucking Corona. How can you stomach that shit?
You get the idea. This lead into a dazzling debate betwixt the two about what was the most piss-tasting beer they had ever had. I never got to hear her final response. He settled on Keystone Light, and it tasted like piss but he really liked it. Not the most resounding endorsement for a beverage.
We were far from over, however. They changed topics for a while, and I am not sure if they were friends with the waiter or they were just really sloshed and making friends with him. They were asking him all about his eyeglasses, had he always worn them, were they new. They really were fixated with his glasses.
Then they switched back to more discussions about alcohol. I'm referring to this as the I-Can-Drink-You-Under-The-Table-I'm-So-Awesome period. Really not sure how this is supposed to make one a "catch", unless it is a plus to prove that you have a tendency to get shitfaced in diners and remember nothing else that happens that day/evening. I suppose that would make you a perfect girlfriend for all the wannabe rapists out there.
I remember this part pretty much verbatim, as she repeated it several times. He had been waxing poetic about some sort of wine, she just wanted whatever giant wineglass he was describing but she would fill it with rum not wine and drink it all, wine is a pussy drink, blah blah blah. You get the idea. Here is the line that stayed with me:
Have you ever had a zombie? No? I had 3 of those before like 12:30 at the Palace. You aren't even supposed to do that! That shit isn't legal!
I'm assuming she meant the drink, not that there were actually zombies of the brain-eating variety around. How is this illegal? Frowned upon due to the high alcohol content, perhaps. Even if it was on a Sunday, since it was 12:30 it would be legal -- even 12:30 pm would be okay since it is after noon. Maybe she isn't legally old enough to be drinking anywhere. I had no idea as they were sitting behind me.
Finally I'm leaving and get to take a look at them. I was really thinking it was going to be an older woman, a little rough around the edges. Maybe a younger woman who just looked like she had done some hard living.
I was so wrong. Young chick, probably closer to the barely able to legally drink side of things. And that brings me to my big question of the evening:
When did it become cool to get smashed at a diner? Did I miss something? Is this some hipster bullshit? Diners are generally good for the food, not the alcoholic beverages. Is this a thing now, or is it just this chick that goes around getting hammered at all of the local diners?